So the only reason that I didn’t cut is because of 3 things. My guy friend who I really like, my mom and because I lost the blades that I cut with. Each day I would go rummaging through my room to find the box that I keep my blades in, because I needed my fix of seeing that blood flow down my wrist, and because I needed to feel the pain. If you’re a cutter, you know what I’m talking about. I finally found them on Thursday last week and I was so happy. 3 weeks of not cutting was kinda hard.

that the only way to maintain my sanity is by going insane

“I felt the Lord begin
to peel off all my skin,

and I felt the weight within,
reveal the bigger mess… that you can’t fix.”

What is your definition of social introvert and socially awkward?
Have looked up on this but would appreciate individual inputs.

I try to conceal my misanthropy by claiming to be an introvert. Presumably that is less off-putting to others and makes myself feel better. But after a handful of backpacking travels and interacting with people from and in other countries, I have come to conclude that the human heart STINKS just the same no matter where you’re from. What color or gender.

I used to think it is because I live in a third world country (save for the capital city), surrounded by low intellectual and […]

No matter how I try to be positive and make things better, there’s always an anvil waiting to fall on my head. There’s just so much crap one can endure. My perfect day is Friday. Sayonara.

I’m a human . No other specifications needed . But I’m a bit different , then again I’m not. I’m classified as well, bipolar, suicidal and I tend to have hallucinated like things which im not sure if it’s the isolation. Any who , I just wanna know how you guys do it . How you “power through” for so long . It’s really amazing , I know a lot of my friends with similar issues but . Is it really just switching off the sadness because I never quite understood that . And I don’t tell people my problems right now my best […]

I’ve suddenly found myself in a situation where my life is about to come to a full stop. I’m 29 years old, hold a Master’s degree, and was previously living a very good life. After graduate school I got a job working in a niche consulting firm. I was there for a little less than two years and decided to quit because I was unhappy on a daily basis. Instead of finding a new job before quitting, I impulsively decided to travel the world for three months and come back without any plan. After coming back from my trip, I was offered a great consulting […]

I’m 25 and currently 19 weeks pregnant for the first time. I have been depressed all through this ordeal. In the past I’ve had a bad habit of cutting, there are 3 scars on my arm where I cut very deep on 3 different occasions. I also cut my wrist which left a scar. I have not cut while pregnant but am still very depressed. I guess I’ve been depressed for a while now. I’m stuck at the house most of the time. I worked as a barber for 1 yr but had to leave due to being harassed and have had no luck finding […]

I can be used as a bad example

Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.

I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]

I know we shouldn’t go around feeling like our life is a failure, or that we are a failure.  And I never felt that way until these last couple of years where I’ve been pretty useless, I suppose that’s the word.  I got badly injured 5 years ago and haven’t been able to accomplish anything; even getting out of my house to get to the store to feed myself when I can do it is like the biggest victory I can muster up.  I guess I feel so hopeless and so futile and like a complete failure because I don’t quite see myself improving physically, […]

Getting better is a long journey. I woke up and the first thing I told myself is that I wouldn’t die today. I decided to set daily goals. Small things, baby steps.

I’m scared, I feel like if anyone got close they could actually smell the sadness emanating from my pores. I’m anxious and insecure. But I will fight this. I will not let my emotions take control over me.

I went for my weekly doctor’s yesterday as I mentioned in my previous post   http://suicideproject.org/2014/02/anywhere-but-not-there/. She was very weary of letting me stay home as I had put myself in a […]

I never realised how much depression effected me and everyone around me until i experienced it first hand. i’ve suffered from depression for over a year and i used to self harm and now im left with embarressing scares that leave something for people to talk about. Im slowly getting better but easily go back into the dark hole for a ffew days where i cant even try to act happy. I recently had a fight with my mother who attempted to hit me which has shaken me up for the past few days and created my mood to very dark.

I want to tell […]

Hi,

An MBA in Finance, worked in Frankfurt, London, Zurich and now jobless in my hometown India. I lost my job 7 months ago. Have 7 years of work experience in financial sector. I have a home and car loan on my head. Till last month i was able to manage these loans and my daily expenses with all my savings. But from March 2014 i will have no house, no food, no loan money, nothing; as all my saving are over. The biggest of all is I have a credit card payment of 2000 USD to be paid by feb end and I have nothing […]

I am 19 years old, have been suicidal for about 11 years, and seeing therapists for 7 or 8. I have also tried several different antidepressants with no results. It seems that it has gotten to the point where I just don’t do anything anymore, and frankly, I’ve become a complete waste of space. My parents and entire family have given up on me for the first time in my life, and I suffer from thoughts relating to solipsism non-stop. I am at the point where committing suicide is all that I care about, to the point where I would get rid of anything in […]

I got married about 22 years ago. Since day one I looked after my wife with love and affection. I am 5’11” and she is just under 5′. I have suffered all thru’ my life due to uncaring siblings and parents. Thus when i got married I took liking to this girl that played a perfect game to get me married to her. Once after marriage, her games began almost as soon as the marriage was over. She back stabbed me all the time, with her brother […]

I want to kill myself. I want to be thin and beautiful and I don’t want to look like a piece of shit anymore I hate myself so much and it’s so overwhelming I just want to die its so tempting I just want to be skinny and pretty but I look like a fucking horse and I want to stop lying a to my shrinks. I don’t want to be fat anymore I just want to be perfect and skinny and never eat anything again

Everyday I wake up, hoping, today is going to show me something to live for. I feel like it’s groundhog day. Heh. Tuesday, after Tuesday, after Tuesday. Everyday, I wake up with hope, it’s the only thing that get’s me out of bed. Every night, I go to sleep, dead inside with tear stained eyes; because I live a life without love. My sister, always turning a cold shoulder. My mother, working as hard as she can to feed us and keep a roof over our heads, no time for me. My friend/the renter, going through emotional troubles herself and everyone always asks her for […]

I keep moving forward toward it. I’m trying to shake the guilt.  Living all these years for others it’s time I get to choose for myself.  Tomorrow I make a firm plan for method, which dictates a timeline.  I have some cases I have to wrap up at work.  I’ve told a lot of my clients they need to move on and find someone else to help them but there are about three cases that are almost done and I don’t want to screw them overby not finishing.  But I think I can wrap that up in two weeks, three tops.

but I came here because […]

really making it official by going to jail again,just to make it more official ill be sent to the hospital instead of jail