My husband died 18 months ago. I am raising my granddaughters age 16 and 20. I will put my house up for sale next spring and move into a small condo I own that will be in same school district for 16 year old. When she has finished high school and gone off to college my plan is to finish cleaning everything out and then kill myself. I plan to give everything away and have liquidated all financial assets except condo. Will have trust redone and everything spelled out for all financial gifts upon my death. Life is too […]
I could hear my heart beating.
I could hear everyone’s heart.
I could hear the human noise we sat there making,
 not one of us moving,
not even when the room went dark.
A few months ago I got a call from a girl named Victoria. She was cussing me out and crying and screaming and when she finally told me what was going on…one of my good friends Debbie Valoy had hung herself from the tree in her backyard. The girl told me it was all my fault because I didn’t talk to her for the past two weeks because I had some really serious things going on with my cousins. Their lives were in danger and I warned her that I may not be on facebook for a while. Next thing you know I’m getting that […]
I’m in two minds when someone asks me if I’m ok. Part of me want’s to say “of course not, do I look like I’m fine?” The other part of me keeps thinking  “wow, someone noticed I’m not ok, maybe I’m not so worthless.” Opinions?
So I’m trying to find another way to do this whole ‘not killing myself’ thing. I’m starting to put my poetry out there too, so if anyone wants to read it or comment in it, the link is http://hellopoetry.com/lookingforeuphoria/
er, thanks and don’t be scared to hate it.
No one needs me
No one wants me
No one loves me
No one cares for me
No one misses me
No one
Fuck this
Fuck life
Ya know what?
I hate all of you
I hate this world
I hate this society
I hate everyone
Why?
Because everyone lied
No one needs me
No one wants me
No one needs me to be here
Forget about it
Forget this
Forget me
Forget about my life
Forget memories
Forget it
http://i1274.photobucket.com/albums/y435/saqibhussain/I_hate_my_life__by_ohmaigodplz_zps56b0f40c.png
i was googling ”i hate my life” and found this. it gave me the giggles.
sadly it is so treu.
it doesn’t bother me but it’s nice to know that i’m not the only one out there who noticed that little fact.
does anyone else have thoughts about this maybe?
So many people are busy
People that I rely on
People that I want love from
People that I want help from
People that I want comforting from
People that I want to talk to
So many people are busy
No time
No spare time
No extra time
No free time
No additional time
No more time
No time
All I want
Is love
Is to be cared for
Is for someone to be there for me
Is for someone to love me
Is for someone to truly sincerely want me
All I want
No one
Cares
Loves
Needs
Wants
Talks
No one
I want
A friend
A carer
I’m alone again
I don’t know when this will end
I don’t know how long I can take it
I woke up today
My heart was beating so loud
Like it was taunting me
Saying that I should die
Saying that the sound of my heartbeat makes people cringe
I try to look on the bright side
But is there on anymore?
For the occasional sunset or sunrise there really isn’t a bright side
The person I fell for will never like me back
The people I give love will never truly love me back
The people I comfort will never really comfort me back
Sometimes I think the world is so unfair. Like, why do people bully others and turn them down just to feel powerful? Why do people tell others to go and kill themselves and why even be mean to people? Like what the actual fuck?! SOCIETY MAKES ME SICK. My parents are horrible and you know how people say “Kids will be Kids”, its more like “Bad parenting results in Rebellious, Depressed, Suicidal children”. Its just my opinion so please don’t criticize me. But I just think that people should be nice to one another because who knows how they will take it and maybe they […]
My date is coming up. It’s in May. I haven’t really decided on a method yet but I know I don’t want anyone from my family to find me. I just know how the rest of my life plays out now and it doesn’t seem important to go through the day to day living. I’ll most likely die at work in my 50’s from a heart attack or stroke. My kids will be in college so my wife will have to struggle with the money because my life insurance is only good until I am 50. I figure if I eat a bullet now they […]
Love…
Is it too much to ask to be loved?
Valentine’s Day passed…
I gave my closest friends flowers
So they knew that I loved them
Sincere friendly love
I was hoping maybe, just maybe, someone would get me a flower
Or a Valentine or just something that says “I love you,”
But I didn’t…
They felt guilty about not getting me anything…
I told them it was fine…
Maybe it wasn’t…
And it’s just me being the selfless person I am…
I don’t know….
I just want
Love…
I attempted again and was in the hospital. The thoughts can kiss my ass, ill fucken fight em forever if I have too. I have people who love me and I love them, so fuck off or keep fucking I don’t care, I’m gonna make it through this life.
I feel like my life is just a series of bad days strung up together in one endless cycle, I can’t seem to escape.
It is like you wake up with a hang over to realize you’re late. You stub your toe on the way to the bathroom, and you realize there is no hot water for a shower. You get stuck in traffic, then there is no place to park and your boss gives you hell that day. You’re doing a mind numbing, meaningless job to pay the bills for the things you don’t really need. No body gets you at work, you wonder […]
If you could change one thing in the past what would it be?
If you had the courage to say something to someone would you?
If you could travel to any place where would it be?
If you could meet anyone who would it be?
If you could save any person who would it be?
If you could say “I love you,” to anyone who would it be?
If you could be allergic to anything what would it be?
If you could do anything what would it be?
If you had no suicidal thoughts or anything depressing what would you be doing right now?
If […]
I feel so lost.. So empty.
Everyone I talk to.. they disappear.
My thoughts are filled of suicide and selfharm thoughts.
All I do is disappoint my family….
And myself.
I hate myself more than people hate me, which is a lot..
Sometimes, I think about dying…
And I might do it.
I might end my life
When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about. Â But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and […]
I don’t know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)
[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you
Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so […]
I feel like I’m nearing the end. I am trying my hardest to hold on. I started cutting. I’m drinking and oversleeping again.
I tried to talk to my therapist but she mentioned something about ‘not losing my license’ and the deep sighing is all starting to make me feel like she’s frustrated with me.
I am certain no one dislikes me more than I dislike myself. When I feel that someone I respect becomes irritated with me then I just embrace self-hate that much more.
If your own shrink is done with you then why would I keep trying?
I want to be happy. I want to be […]
It’s an odd combination for me. It just brings me back to suicideproject, always does. I’ve had ups and downs, times I wanted to live, but also times I wished to die. Regardless of my mood, listening to certain songs always brings me back to that peacefull place in my head. The same part of me that is constantly weighing life against death. The same part that brings me here..
Do you guys have songs like that? songs that just hit through everything and play with your soul?