HE KEEPS TALKING TO ME TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHY I CANT POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT HIM THIS MUCH, WHY I CANT POSSIBLY BE THIS UPSET?! ITS BECAUSE HE TOOK ALL OF MY LOVE, EVERYTHING I HAD, AND I CANT GET IT BACK. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. ALL I WANT AND CARE ABOUT IS HIM. HE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK, SAYING THINGS THAT ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE. THERES NOTHING I CAN DO. HE DOESN’T GET THAT HE COULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM. THATS HIS FEAR. AND HE DOESNT GET IT.
IM ACTUALLY SCARED FOR […]

I am sort of in a conundrum and I would like advice.

I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I am in a group of friends that are all dating(or at least have someone), and they were trying to set me up with people. They think that me getting a boyfriend would somehow cure my depression. Well I got set up with this guy. He is a lot like me, he is battling depression and is super awkward.

But I don’t know honestly. I don’t know if I am pretending to like him just for my friends sake, or maybe I’m just overthinking everything. But […]

It seems to be a lot easier to share things here than it is in real life, so- to mark the fact I have put on half a stone (which makes me feel quite disgusting) I really wanted to share my depression and eating disorder story. There’s definitely a lot more to it than an emotionally abusive relationship, but that’s the shortest, and easiest, explanation. I must have been about 14 when I first started going out with this guy. I was at that awkward age where I was terribly unsure about myself and hopelessly desperate for acceptance. That acceptance came in the form of […]

NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO HAVE MY BODY ANYMORE! I AM NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE! SINCE I DON’T WANT IT, ITS NOT HAPPENING! I AM IN CONTROL OF MY BODY NOW!
EVERY SECOND IS WORSE AND WORSE! YOU THINK ITS SO EASY TO WALK AWAY FROM THE PERSON YOU CARE ABUT MOST?! ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! THATS WHY I AM SAYING GOODBYE.

Suicide- I’ve thought of it before. They say it’s never the answer. The answer to what? To the struggle? To the pain? They’ll tell you that it gets better with time. But what if, in an attempt to make life better, or be patient, we went up messing up even more? It is really easy to give advice. But the truth is, that no one knows what we are feeling except us. We are afraid, of what life holds for us. It may be better, but it may also get worse. This ‘may’ starts us off. We can’t take the risk. Really, suicide is the […]

I need you to touch me. Make me feel wanted. Pull my hair, choke me, I don’t care! Just make it sweet. Make me feel loved. Help me believe you still want me, when all the signs say no. I yearn to feel you again, or for you to at least want me. I remember when you loved me… Oh, I remember…

It’s that time again. I need to release this built up pain.

I wonder how far I’ll take it this time.

Some people refuse to understand.

So far, in this short period I call a life, I’ve been hurt by three people. Whoever reads this post will probably be thinking, Only three? That’s nothing. But these three people have really put me down in life and I just can’t seem to pull myself back up. No matter how hard I try and get a few inches higher, I somehow manage to go down again the next day….

I’m not much of an expert on relationships, but I know something is definitely wrong when the “boy” you are with for almost three years ignores you for his friends. He would rather play his dumb […]

I know it is selfish for me to be jealous of my family and friends that are dating their boyfriends or girlfriends. I just can’t help it. Ever since I fell for you and you decided to rip my heart out I just can’t stand seeing others happy. I mean sure I am really happy for them because I care about them, but I just don’t understand why I’m not happy like them. They have everything going for them and a man or lady on there side. Oh man, how I wish to kiss a boy. I haven’t in so long. I just want to […]

Every 14.2 minutes someone in the united states dies by suicide Nearly 1, 000, 000 people make a suicide attempt every year 90% of people who die by suicide had a treatable mental disorder when they died This is our message to give hope back To those who are lost in despair
Staring blank at the wall Never been so alone Why can’t they get me? Would they care if I was gone? Spinning around all alone In my head tonight Would it all be so easy? Would they ever miss me?
You can’t let them win I won’t let you give in,
You are […]

what is the problem with leaving me be why is it i have to stay downstairs in a room with an adult why is it that school is my hell hold but when im home thats my mental hospital, why cant i just be alone in my room sliting my wrists why cant i just be who i am and not be changed by the people who dont even give two fucks about me they are just scared of me incase im mental and insane because they dont understand this pain but they just have to change me and have to think about how safer […]

I’ve never felt less loved. I’ve entered another phase of wanting a violent suicide to spite all the people that didn’t care enough. I can’t decide whether I hate me or everyone else more. 1 year no girlfriend,no sex, nothing. 3 strikes in the dating game. Since the last ex cheated on me. Why bother anymore. I’m a biting dog now. Nobody wants to pet a biting dog. It’s not my fault I got here. No dog just turns into a biting dog. You have to beat it again and again before that happens. I have never seen a dog that didn’t just […]

We fuck up what can’t be fucked

Master may I rip out your virgin heart

Spit claw eating out danger

I’d kill a thousand men and it wouldn’t be for you
I’ll kill a thousand more before I’d kill beside you
But I couldn’t kill one if he looked at me like you

Does it hurt me to love you
It hurts me to hate you
Break up me up when the blood rises

We look at each other when it suits us to die
Your master possesses when you want to tell lies
Cry touch playing a victim
I’d fuck a thousand men before I’d ever want to touch […]

i spend most of my time, thinking to myself. trying to tell my self that yes, these people exist, they have feelings, their heart beat and they feel sad sometimes too.. but then again, how can I be so sure? and i can’t tell anyone how i really think, they’d think i’m crazy. who knows. Maybe i am crazy.
I spend most of my time wanting to die. the anxiety in me, the feeling of wanting to do everything at once, but having no purpose in doing it, not wanting to, why does it all matter? all what we do is grow up to get […]

I hate the fact how i can do good not being sucidal and staying out of hospitals.Then you make one stupid mistake and it ruins everything.My mistake was being curious and that curiousity led me to find the pills my mom hid away..I now have a bunch of those pills and dont know when i will snap and try to kill myself.I just know i cant help it and it willl happen.I will try to kill myself at some point.Ive only told my best friend she asked if she could tell my parents i threatened to do it sooner if she did.I felt bad about […]

Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]

so I found this website and it hopes of finding people that will understand me.. So I’m assuming this is my place..

to be honest, I don’t know what’s getting into me . I feel like a monster. I made my mother cry after she found out I self harm, and now that I stop self harming, me and my boyfriend have been getting into countless fights… My mom still puts me down. She calls me whore, slut, only because I’ve kissed one guy. She beats me for no reason too. It doesn’t stop and I know it won’t. I feel so useless and I feel […]

I can hardly place these thoughts into words, into sentences. I am incapable of being happy with a free education, food, home, clothes, and people all around wanting to take care of me. I am not abused, not regularly anyways. A text from my mom sometimes: I must b a total loser since u stay with Mike. Mike is my father, but far from a winner. If this child game is nothing but who wins and who doesn’t, I’d suggest that they are the ones in need of extensive therapy. Not me, I’m their child, they spawned me out of their supposed love. Raised […]

I’m not even sure why I’m on here again… my life is in no immediate danger, but who know how long that will last. Some good things have happened to me an honestly I can say I enjoyed it. I graduated from college and got my diploma. I took my boards and passed them. Overall, I was ok, or well as ok as someone like myself could be. At the same time I’ve been clean for almost 5 months now. I haven’t cut or burned myself no matter how badly I wanted to. With all good things come the bad. I had to move back […]

I dont even know where to start. Actually, i do want to start by saying this site and all who do respond and comment have given me strength to try and better myself. Thank you all. But life doesnt like when i start to fix myself, unfortunately.
Today was just so overwhelming. I stopped getting on here for about a wk just to focus completely on me and i thought i was getting better. My husband/fiance whatever told me we had an appt with our counselor and i HAD to go. I didnt want to but i he kept insisting that nothing bad was […]