I hope to make it through. I have one more year in this damn house and I’m moving out. I’m so done with my parents! I’ve heard to different stories. I’ve heard college gets worse and I’ve heard college gets better. I guess I have to wait and see for myself. I mean I don’t think anything can get worse then what I’ve been through and going through now. If it does I won’t make it.
I cry not because I’m sad but because I’ve built up so many emotions I don’t know what else to do. But crying leads to cutting, cutting leads to burning, burning leads to bruising, bruising leads to suicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts leads to suicide plans, suicide plans leads to suicide letters, suicide letters leads to suicide, suicide leads to others crying…
Sometimes I feel as though I bother you with all my personal problems. I feel like I annoy you.. I don’t want to add stress on you because you don’t need it. I just don’t know what to do. It’s either you or the internet. I’d choose you if i knew for sure you could handle it.. I just don’t know what to do…
On Mother’s Day I wrote that I wanted to wait until my daughter turned 18. I don’t want to check out while she’s so young, but I don’t see myself holding on another 6 years.
Most people say cheerleaders are sluts, perfection, skinny, and easy. But we aren’t all like that. We are all human we all make mistakes and fight our own battles. I’m an elite and school cheerleader; I am anorexic, on medication for depression and anxiety, and I was diagnosed with OCD. So think before you judge a cheerleader just cause we act confident in our own skin doesn’t mean we are.
I went tanning today and purposely burnt myself… It feels so good to be in so much pain but I have a cheer competition tomorrow and I’m going to look stupid.
Forgive me, for I have sinned..
I have committed acts of lust
I have committed acts of hatred
I have committed acts of theft
I have committed acts of homosexuality
I have committed acts of pride
I have committed acts of greed
I have committed acts of gluttony
I have committed acts of lying
I have committed acts of being agnostic
I have committed acts of feeling suicidal
And here I stand on two feet
Waiting to be struck down
To burn, to live an eternity in Hell
I may be a sinner, but won’t my good deeds in this mortal life do anything for me in the afterlife?
Will I stand at the gates of Heaven, and fall into […]
I learned today that NFL cheerleaders only earn about $70-90 per game, “elite” ones earn more. They only make $1000 to $2,500 per season, more if they make public appearances. That really surprised me. I guess it’s like being a cop or a firefighter or a teacher. You do it because you like it, not because you want to get rich.
I’ve been so close to almost call him or text him saying that I love him, so much. That I miss him so much. I thought that being drunk would help me to do that, cause I get more sensible, thought that would help me to do it by impulse, but not even drunk I can. I’m such a coward and I’m so fucking afraid.
I cant live with myself anymore after he left ,i just hate myself so much for not being good for him ,i hate myself for having an ugly personality and ugly face and ugly body and i hate myself for being stupid and not being good at anything! I just hate that im not one of his sexy smart pretty friends ,i hate that he left me ,i hate that i cant rewind ,i hate that i cant get over him and i hate how much i miss him!.
Hello everyone =D
Aw…I went to psychiatrist this morning…as I expected he offered medicines for a treatment (therapy sucks)…I didn’t accepted, I just told him I’ve been planning suicide for months, he was very understanding, I didn’t think he believed me though.
Well, I’m going to do tomorrow, problably (it isn’t up to me, I need my family to go out for some hours).
I planned to inhale cook gas, which is very toxic because it’s not natural gas.It’s painless…
I talked to my mom, tried to give her some confort, get the things less painful to her, I know she will get hurt anyway…obviously […]
iv given up on me… simpal as no seciond thought so why am i still alive esey because of jacey i love her so shit i do whant to live but not for me why would any one live for me im ugly skiney fucked up worthless spited me im not worth the shit on your shoe but she shows me this 🙂 and im happy
but i havent herd from her in a bit i konwshes ok but some one till that to the guy in my head… i dont belev in god but i fucking pray for her evrey night kiss the phchure stell […]
I still remember how boring and empty my life was before i met him , and how when we started getting together it was just for fun ,wasn’t planning to ever fall for him or think the way im thinking right now ,i fell so hard i was ready to do anything literally ANYTHING ,and then he slightly started to back off ,its like he did that in purpose he just had this need to kill someone mentally for no reason ,he just left me without saying anything after he started to act mean ,i know he’s not mean i just dont know why! He […]
Floating on a cloud
Drifting away into the blue sky
Sleeping the days away
I’m not good with goodbyes
Feeling numb, nervous
This isn’t a typical day
Falling into deep sleep
At least I know I’m okay
Looking far into the distance
I can see storm clouds appear
I shiver as the cold bites my nose
I will be okay, there’s nothing to fear
Opening my eyes
I’m sheltered by the sun
Thoughts race through my vacant mind
No need to run
Passing a mountain
I stare into the sea
Watching this last sunset
I float away, so let me be…
I feel so alone.
I know im not though, im surrounded by friends, a thing many people wish for and want.
But i feel so dead inside, I don’t feel happy underneath that grin. I act like a joking clown and don’t take many things seriously. In return, when i am serious, they don’t take regard of it and over look it as one of my jokes. I’ve tried telling them that i hurt, that im sad and pitiful and it makes me hate myself because i don’t deserve pity but, once again, they brush it off and walk away. I act like a hero when i […]
How come there are not more people that think about suicide? Do they not live in this world? Do they not see what we see?
the man runs down a wet street in london in his qwiaring hands he holds a small torso its lims slashed to ribions the man is crying… not waling tears but solum determind tears with eyes that pearst the gloom darting arownd to find some one anyone but even london sleeps and looks on uncearing the man now wet trough steps in to the light cast from the hostpitel the shineing from the figers arms is light relectid from the blood spilt from the lasharashions the blood has soked torugh the preshure bandige aplied vire a med kit and on tto the mans shirt the girl […]
“maby i should just let the sun engulf to world” said the god of man kind filled with a pashion for life but he did not have time for a evil race to the girl siting next to him “but if you give up it meens that you will never over come your proplem” the god looked at the girl and smilled “this is true” he says and reterns to wach theerth tern the towns and citeys sending up a yellow light on the night side but on the other green and blue could clerely be seen the question is when is the line to scrap it all and take the […]
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it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!