Lately it seems like everything is falling apart. I used to be so into church. God was everything to me. I finally got married to the woman of my dreams. I had a crush on her since i was just a boy. Everything seemed to be going great. We were married on July 28th 2012. Almost a year now. I had a great job, was a member of a wonderful church, and things seemed like they couldn’t get any better. Then i lost my job last December just before Christmas! Everything started to go down hill from there. Things seemed like they were going to […]
i am very depressed .. i can’t see a way .. i want to die.
It’s not like anyone really cared for me. I promised him I wouldn’t cut. I promised him I wouldn’t cry. I promised her I’d stay strong. As everything falls apart I realise that I can’t see any more colour. I can’t notice what they’re trying to tell me. So what if I’m a paranoid schizophrenic? Does it matter? Does it matter if I have social anxiety? Does it matter if I’m different? According to them, yes. It means a world of a difference. Trying to breathe and see through tear filled eyes. I know I feel guilty for cutting. For just breaking that promise. What […]
I woke up this morning and felt numb. When I look in the mirror I see a glassy-eyed freak. I don’t get up in the morning and feel good. I just bury my head deeper into the pillows. I don’t have a purpose anymore. I feel so useless.They say that everyone has a purpose, but I don’t. I don’t have motivation, and the things I used to have passion for don’t matter anymore.
Depression and suicidal thinking seems to have taken over my life for the past year…could run on about my sad life… the traumatic sexual assaults as a child…the counseling… but why? Does anyone really care..? well the problem is someone does…my best friend has been dealt a shittier hand in life than me…its what has brought us so close…so there in lies the problem…as much as i want death how can i go through with it knowing how much it will hurt my friend..?
My journey has started today. 200 days until the end. And I wondered… We spend a lot of time trying to organise the world. We build clocks and calendars and even try to predict the weather. But what part of our life is truly under our control?
I also sat down today and I think this is going to be the opening of my book.
“In a time where I can’t really see anything but the bottom of a pill bottle. I have come to realize that dreams are a […]
I don’t think anyone knows the battle you have with your own mind. Day in and day out. Then the people who set you off yell at you and blame you as if it not their fault. Frankly if you set anyone off and blame them they will get mad. So why blame it on the person who is already upset with daily living.
Frankly one day i will have enough courage to kill myself. The thought of leaving the world and the pain and suffering actually makes me more excited for death to come. To think that i will not be in pain […]
Day 1
I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece […]
Every day I wake up thinking that this day will better than the last, but it doesn’t work that way. Every day is the same crap. Hoping that someone will hire me, but it doesn’t work like that in today’s world. You have to wait and wait and wait hoping for someone to hire when you know they won’t. I have always wondered why interviewers want a hand shake after an interview. They always say they will give a call when they really don’t. To me right there, that is backstabbing. They always act so happy to see you, but never call if you have […]
I want to die at my 15th birthday….it will be soon in 15 august,I decided it because I can’t live anymore….pain seems endless.like I don’t deserve happiness…Like I live only for pain…,maybe my heart is beating but I’m already dead inside..everything seems like hell!I don’t wanna feel this ….I just want to sleep FOREVER!
I cannot go five minutes without thinking about commiting suicide. Â I dont know what to do. Â Have started on medications and counselling, but it only seems to be getting worse. Â I am so lonely where i live, but my parents are dependent on me and hence cannot die.
I am not in a prison, yet i feel like i am solitary confinement most of the time. Â I go to office every week day, gym almost every day. Â Yet, when I return to my lonely house, I feel like i am getting locked up in a prison.
I just need someone to talk to without them judging […]
As I sat there awakening from my dream-like state of fog that seems to be ever surrounding, whether it be sleep or the lack thereof, I realized that my morning ritual was left undone. So, I loaded bullet into the cylinder and give it a spin. Pulling back the hammer, I thought about the round I was using. It couldn’t be your standard run of the mill .44 mag round, for it could pass right through leaving me a vegetable. Potato or squash? Neither, because I was using a frag round, as to insure the job got done right. You see, the frag round breaks […]
Hi
Well I’m back after a year away. Not depressed, yet still badly wanting to depart this life. I contacted Dignitas at one point but was turned away as not terminal or elderly with chronic illness, and of course then there’s my extensive psychiatric history which apparently renders me incompetent of making this life/death decision. Not for me assisted suicide surrounded by loved ones in a nice room in Switzerland. Dream on, Louise50!
Been reading the Peaceful Pill handbook. That was a waste of money, as sources for the so called peaceful pill change all the time, it’s illegal in my country and phenomenally hard to get […]
#1.
Someone to love me for me. That was in love with love. And was loyal. Honest and not a whore. And was ok looking with little baggage AND liked only me
#2
To be happy and thankfull with.  whatever i  do have in life
#3
I would wish for 3 more wishes
Hi i don’t know how to start.I just have a few questions and i hope to get some answers.First i want to say that my English is bad ,so i hope to understand me well and be able to help me somehow.Ok.I want to die i guess everyone here want that.I read peaceful pill book and i choose the exit bag and pills method.I have 50 pills phenobarbital-100mg and i wonder is it a good medicament for this method?It is for epilepsy and it’s from barbiturate class.I wonder can i fall asleep from these pills and don’t wake up and should drink all of them?I […]
It’s been a long year.
Well, almost a year.
The last time I posted anything on here, I was in a semi-good place with my life and I was slowly getting stronger. The depression was lessening day by day and I was coming to realize that my life wasn’t really as bad as it could be.
I was on the road to recovery.
Since then, I feel like I’ve taken 5 steps forward and 10 steps back. That is why I am back here, to complain about the tiny little mishaps in my life, and some of the big ones. To let you- my beautiful online world of strangers […]
So when i was about 5 i lost my parents, well at the time none of my family wanted me so i went to foster care. When i was about 8 years old i was adopted by great parents, or at least i thought. Growing up it was alright i got picked on alot though because ive always had short hair my whole life ive had it. Well it wasnt until recently that i had started coming out with being a lesbian. Everyone hated me at my school. I only had one friend which was my sister Amber. Im 13 and shes 14. I became […]
Hi, some of you may remember me, some may not, I am Rogue, the one who wanted so badly to join the army. well I had gone through the Military Entrance Processing Station. I did my oath and signed a bunch of papers pledging my loyalty. Little did I know that, until this night at around 9 pm, my mom informed me that there is little to no chance of quitting the army. After a quick 10 seconds of tears as I am having trouble letting them flow, and a few breaths of hyper-ventillation, I realize how fucked I really am. Now there are quite […]
It gets better. Suck it up. That’s not something to end your life over. Live goes on.
Fuck you. That’s my summed up answer to that.
I don’t want your correcting, I don’t want your tone policing, or any “it gets better” shit. What I want is for people to understand and respect my choices and emotions and feelings. Stop telling the victim to change, and start actually listening.
Every interaction with any to-be friends becomes a disaster when this comes up. I trigger from it. And they don’t even respect the trigger and go “Sorry, I won’t say that again”. They just call or think me irrational. […]