7 months ago, I began to feel symptoms of major depressive disorder. All of the symptoms, actually. I am only 20 years old, I have had some bad trauma throughout my life growing up (my father went missing 9 years ago, I had a near death experience drowning about 8 years ago) but for the most part, I have been an extremely happy person. I was patient, stoic, and tolerant of many things that people were more easily bothered by. I had (and still do, sometimes) many passions for music, literature, my friends and relationships and other things as well. Then in September […]
“Stay with me
Safe and ignorant”
-Pet, a Perfect Circle
Well, it’s official. I grew a comfort zone. Is that even possible? Apparently, because not only do I have the comfort zone bound to my guy, but now I grew one to my teddy bear. the worse part is, it seems like the comfort zone with my guy in it is depleting. God I wish it wouldn’t yet I want it to so badly.
My new comfort zone, the one with the teddy bear. It feels like I can just hold onto him and just ignore the rest of the world easily. I’m numb when I hold onto […]
My stupid boyfriend says I’m ugly, no! I have beiutiful eye and lip. serieous. well sometime ppl think i look like fish, but i think i’m cute.
And now let’s add another person to the list.
Another addition to my long list.
My list of all the people who have left.
The series of people who told me it’s best if they never knew me.
This.
This is why I should stop.
One of the reasons why I need to diminish my habit of pulling people close and trusting them.
Because if it’s one thing I’ve learned throughout my life, is that no one really is permanently there for me.
They’ll be here for a while, but there is going to be a time when we depart.
And if I acknowledged that fact..
If I remembered that statement every time I made […]
Past few days all ive done is fuck up
fuck up the only good thing in my life
fuck up so much it makes me feel like ive lost a game
i hate it so much when i do and i regret saying the things i said
“Two things you can’t take back: Bullets out of your gun and words out of your mouth”
I feel like ive lost it all sometimes
Then I lost it all
Dead and broken.
My back’s against the wall.
Cut me open.
I’m just trying to breathe,
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls to watch them […]
young looking for ppl to speak with.  Mongolian, i hate mogolia, i’m asian
Life, why do you hate me? What did i ever do to you? Oh, that’s right. I exist. If life’s a b*tch then whats death? Is it our freedom? Wanna know what i think? I think that even if life is seriously f*ck*d up, death is only an easy way out. Doesnt mean it will stop me from wanting to die…
Life. Many people love life, others hate it. Death. Many people hate it, a few wish for it to come sooner rather than later. Dont you?
Life is a beautiful lie, while Death is the Painful Truth.
I understand when people want death to come, because sometimes I want […]
I really think I need help, and I really think that if I say nothing, I will do something I might not even give myself enough time to regret. Problem is no one will listen, I don’t have any friends, the only oneI had when I was little died on brain damage and when I met someone else, turns out she was behind me with my boyfriend. No one else will talk to me, at school they all think I’m annoying, as they said so many times, and no one wants to hang out with the weird Hispanic girl because I’m different, and because I […]
It’s redundant.
I believe living life is redundant.
Many have done it before, many have lived,
but for me, I feel like it doesn’t matter if we all die in the end anyway.
Why should I stay alive?
For your loved ones of course.
“If you can’t find a reason, stay alive for someone else,” they say.
Why should I stay alive, if not for myself?
It already hurts too much to stay alive.
I smile because I have to.
I study because I’m told to.
I pray because if I don’t I won’t be happy in the afterlife.
What about now? I’m not happy […]
I am really unlucky. Actually, I don’t hate life that much, but my life circumstances push me to take an extreme decision. And I can’t bear it anymore. All my life I’ve been hated, mocked, bullied, abused and went through extreme stress. I suffer of PTSD and today I almost killed my mom with my angry outburst. She’s at the hospital because had an heart attack because of ME. What is the best method to end all this nightmare? I really NEED to die. Sorry for my English.
I hate myself. Its hard not to hate yourself when everyone else hates you. Hell, Im so ugly and unlikeable that people wont even SIT beside me! Desk change today. My desk was moved so I was beside this one boy Reid, and on the other side of him was Farhan. Before class even started, Reid requested to be moved halfway across the room. But of course, my desk was moved again to be beside Farhan’s desk. What does he do? He moves his chair to be as far from me as possible. Then, he moves his things to the next desk. While I walked […]
My life is good. I really do feel like this is true. But I still constantly think about killing myself. I always have. Since I was nine years old. I’m now 34. I have tried 3 times, not counting the two times with a loaded gun to my head. obviously my heads not working correctly when I’ve tried otherwise I would be dead cause suicide isn’t that hard. But also if my head was on straight I wouldnt want to. It is amazing how I survived not once or twice, but three times a stomach full of leathal pills. I’m taking it as a sign […]
I am only seventeen years old, and already life has lost meaning. It sounds ridiculous, I know. In my more stable state of mind I laugh at how ridiculous I am, how foolish I must be to think that life has no promise for a bright, creative teenager on the cusp of independence. However I might feel on my good days, I know that on days like today the reality of the crushing, empty pointlessness of the world is too much to bear.
There is a pain inside of me. It is like a hollow, black emptiness, a void of emotion where Despair and Hopelessness are […]
I think this is it. I’ve become a junky in my depressed state as I constantly find ways to escape my thoughts. I’ve no money left now so this is finally it. 2 weeks maximum. You guys all know things don’t get better and I’m here as the proof that it doesn’t, at least not in my case. My psychologist is the only one who knows how bad I am and how long its been its time I stop wasting money on her and let her see someone whom’s light has not completely gone out. Thanks for always being here my sp friends x
I’ve been depressed for 3 and a half years  , I’m bi-polar and,  i’m on a lot of medication.
I have friends , but i never see them anymore , and i feel so alone all the time. I don’t have what i used to have , and i thought things would get better by now. I have nobody to call when i’m upset , nobody to see everyday in school and talk to , nobody to talk to in the hallway with , or go to class with , and nobody to spend what’s left of my free time. I just want everything to go back to normal. or […]
i apologize if this all sounds kind of random. i have been having a hard time trying to organize my thoughts. being organically enhanced has nothing to do with it by the way. it is 420 on wednesday and a feeling of dread is filling me. my alone time is quickly coming to an end. every evening is becoming a chore to not get into a fight with dave. i don’t know if i am just hypersensitive but his snide remarks and general sarcasm upset me and are generally wearing me down. tired, so very tired. as i mentioned my mood has taken a dive. […]
The only end to misery is death! Better to be dead than to be alive.  I’m glad we all agree ^^
As much as I wanted to deny it, I believe I’m suicidal. Somehow I found myself on this website.  Just sick of the vanity and all the mundane living. Feel like I live the same day everyday all day. I pursue a happiness that is always eluding me. Pretending to be happy and fitting in is the worst vanity of all!
I started online school this year back in sectmber. I dident notice then but slowly my friends started to dissaper. Now, only 1 of my former friends will talk to me, all the rest pretty much ignore me.  I started feeling sadder in october, and spent more time alone. Now I spend 95% of the day in my room, the rest of the day is spent at school taking band art and chorus. in december I was diagnosed with dyslexia, and I felt that I was an idiot. I was never an A student,  but now i just break down whenever i see me test scores, or overall […]