Just one of those days…again. Chilling with my best friends, my razor and bottle of alcohol.

Anyone else feel the pressure to take their life? That life has completely stopped and the pressure from life itself and everybody else is building up? That nothing’s going right or it’s moving too slow? That you’re almost at breakpoint, ready to take the plunge and do something you can’t go back on? I do. The hardest part for me is leaving (first move) cause I wouldn’t kill myself where I live currently. I can pack all my belongs into a suitcase – everything. I’d like to do that and dispose of it on my way out. I struggle to pack that suitcase. Survival instinct […]

hi I’m in my late  thirties and I’ve had enough I’ve been thinking of ending things all week , I mean I’ve gone through stages in the past, but I’ve been really thinking about how I’m going to finish things as in what’s the plan, I ve even written notes as well. I’m over everything I’m always under pressure all the time , I’m always pretending I’m ok and not telling people what’s really going on. I ve been struggling with addiction to pain killers , drinking too much and smoking. I’m just sick of struggling and I really do think its the best option I […]

I really don’t know where to start with this,I often go online an look at other people’s s thoughts about suicidal thoughts as I like too help with advise. Never thinking it would happen too myself recently I have had more an more thought about it as my life seems too be going down a downward spiral. I am male 20 years old list my childhood friend last year he hung himself over difficulties of life and losing him has been torture. I recently lost my job(unjustified)sacking yet no one will listen too me! Was a great job and has broken me too pining of […]

I miss being a little kid the world was so pretty and I loved life. Now things are not what I expected to be like. I often wonder if I could of fixed it. My life just shattered. My counselor thinks my depression is caused by my past. Maybe it was I’m not sure but I just I want to feel good again not feel so disconnected all the time. I have really bad social anxiety I have no friends I’m alone. I think I like being alone I pushed all of  them away. Yet sometimes I wish I had someone who just understand me. I am […]

Has anybody tried Yew seeds or leaves?

I have to ask… am I an ideal suicide candidate? My family life has all but gone to shit (and trust me, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING to change that around); I have a job that makes me miserable and I’ve had enough jobs to know it’s not getting any better out there. I can’t afford school ( I’m 22) and I don’t know where I want to see myself career-wise. I hate the way I look, despite compliments, which seem more like desperate attempts from friends to raise my self-esteem or from guys to get in my pants. I could go on… I’m serious about […]

im an outcast. i wish i was normal, i wish i wasnt this broken. maybe they’d like me then. maybe i’d be accepted. but it wont happen. i dont know how to fight the demons in my head and i have no energy left to do so. where my heart should be,its empty. if you look close enough,in every picture of mine,my eyes just look dead. they are dead. arent they the windows to your soul.
im completing the process; the date’s may 24th. its a friday. noone will know,probably. this time it will work, i have everything i need im sure its enough to […]

My last little plan didnt quite work out. But it never does, does it?

Tomorrow I’m supposed to go to an interview. It’s not the interview that’s stressing me out, it’s the drive. There is a 30% chance I’ll crash my car into a southbound concrete overpass on my way there. There is a 50% chance I’ll crash my car into a northbound concrete overpass on the way back. For this reason, I asked my only friend for a ride, but she said she has plans to hang out with her other friend all day. I wish I could reveal everything, but that has never helped […]

I’m really sorry I made this so long but if anyone can read and respond I’d be very grateful.

When I was in 3rd grade, I transferred out of my elementary school and went to a different one. However, when I got to the new school, I was always bullied. I don’t know why, but people just never seemed to like me. I would sometimes get beat up and kicked around at recess. I remember one particular day when they lured me behind a tree in 4th grade and 3 guys beat the hell out of me. Sure, my parents went and talked to the teachers […]

I know I’m not living. I wish everyday not to wake up. I don’t believe in god because he doesn’t except my wish, to be gone. If I could tell someone anyone that ime here screaming for help would they come? I mean literally its my decision to go if someone misses me its there fault they didn’t show they cared. It is just my faul I’m gone not living is great. Not living means not caring. Especially not being hurts

I’m new here, but I’ve been following this site for a few months now. I tried committing suicide almost a year ago. I was hospitalized for about 3 days before going into a psychiatric hospital for a week. It scared the hell out of me. I promised myself I never wanted to end up there again. The only people that know about this are my parents and my sister I was too ashamed to tell my best friend or any other family members. I did actually tell one friend from online but she completely laughed at me. Told me I was such a wuss  trying to commit […]

I woke up this morning, it was awful.

Tomorrow, I have my first shrink appointment in two years. I’m anxious, my heart sinking at the thought of it. The last time I was in her office, I told her about being raped. She made me tell my mom, even drove me home so she could be sure I would do it. But, being poor, I cant afford another one in town.

I’m near tears, not excited about this, but my boyfriend needs me to seek professional help, whether he’ll admit it or not. I don’t think he can take my shit anymore. I hurt inside, I ache. […]

Lock the key to my heart. Never again will I let my pain start. Its now just healing, no sorrow to show, that love can hurt. But I will grow into the women that I know. Sometimes love will let you go…Hold your breath, forget,forgive. And it will show he’ll miss you dearly when you go. Be the person your happy to be. Until death takes part, when you’ll be let free. Freedom does last, it does show. Everyone has their opinions, so just let it go. Tomorrow is another chance to show to just have fun being me, until ill let go. Sometimes I […]

well a lively chat today. i was surprised that you had already read last nights post. and surprised that you would be offended by that surprise. seriously my cynicism has everything to do with my self loathing and not your personal or professional capabilities. my previous therapist never called me at the hut . and i know that i am just one of many that you see. i did notice by the way that you zinged me pretty good. yes i know that killing myself would leave a mess for others to clean up. both literally and figuratively. i also know that my family and […]

The blade is calling your name.
You leave in a flood of pain.
Your heart falls out of your chest.
and here you are….
facing death.

Your tears they fall with magnitude.
These people don’t know what they did to you.
They killed your inner life and stole,
the only thing that made you whole.

You try to fight this blackened life,
you try so hard just to survive
And it takes all you got
not to grab a knife,
write out a letter,
and say goodbye.

And as I watch through windows,
that most call eyes,
I watch the world crumble,
I watch the worlds demise.

And I’ll […]

i don’t think i need to worry about being lonely or about not being cared for. anyways what’s the big deal….everybody has their own things to worry about,  why would they think of you or how to help you… if you need help, help yourself … hey i am not saying this to anybody else, i am saying it to myself… i have decided not to kill my self … i can’t do it coz that would give my mom a lot of problems to handle… and she doesn’t deserve it… not after single handedly taking care of me and my sister after my dad […]

My parents saw my cus and flipped of course. then say i need to go to a psychiatrist again and this guy seems to not understand or give a crap…..i just want to know what to do, how to feel at least ok. I want help. I want to be ok. But nothing works i tried it all and nothing. I can be doing a million things and i still can’t stop thinking about everything thats wrong.

I cant stop thinking about dying….i just want to die. i want just stop breathing.

All i think about is the next time i can cut myself, when my relatives leave […]

Everyday is getting tougher. I’ve not only lost the family I created with my wife but I can’t seem to find anyone who cares for me. I’m a fat ugly slob who sleeps with prostitutes so he can feel the tiniest shred if intamacy. I am trying to belong to a world that I don’t fit into. Not that I am trying to fit into any particular category that people try to identify themself with. I just don’t fit in anywhere. I am truly a misfit.I can make friends , laugh and pretend to have fun but its ultimately lacking truth and substance. I feel […]

I can’t think straight….I’m literally thinking about ending my life. My heart is saying ‘keep going you’ve made it this far’ but In my head. I’ve just about given up…. It hurts me… So much to know that if I end my life, so many people will be depressed. I have a lot of good friends but….. I still feel hollow… Like something is missing…. But the worst part is I’m CONSTANTLY crying and I CAN’T stop! No matter how hard I try!!! I can’t keep living this way. I’m trying not to give up, I’m trying to be as happy as I can but in […]