if u were to meet me in person without knowing my past. You would not think at all that im depressed..i always look so full of joy and happy loving life..im the one that looks like i have everything i need. i have a shit load of friends but only 2 i cant talk to about whats really going on.

when im actually left alone from my family my whole world glows. im in the best mood ever i have my music blasting texting friends attempting to make plans to hang out. im always trying to have a good time no matter what.

its my […]

I’m feeling kind of down today no particular reason just feeling down. I went out today and whenever I go out (besides school) I get to see how depressed I really am and that just makes me feel even worse about myself, tonight I’m feeling regretful because I’m still depressed and I remembered something seven  months ago I was called into the social workers office at my school to talk about my depression and I lied to the lady’s face just because I didn’t want anybody to look down on me and I feel really stupid because I could have been better but the thing […]

I come to realize a lot of things. I am what I’ve done to myself. I gonna explain it won’t take that long. I got depressed because I had an drunk father and mother who just watched him destroy his kids but soon after I got depressed he quit but I continued to get worse. I feel like I should of done something to make things better. Things got worse because of what I began to do to myself I started cutting at 12 I pushed all my friends away. I became lonely and hated. All the friends I pushed away thought I hated them […]

I was just thinking.
I came across this site and started reading some of these posts, and realised I’m not the only one who feels alone. ‘Im so scared of doing something stupid.
I’m writing a post on here because this is the only way i can get my thoughts out without the constant judgement. Today my mum woke me up so i could go shopping with her. I got all dressed up, I wanted to feel nice and i did. In the car on the way there i put my headphones in, and just looked at all the cars going past. Wishing i was […]

I quit, and I swear I’m never going to drink again. The next day comes and the pain is too much. Afterwards, I’m ashamed to know that I couldn’t even keep a promise to myself. I try again and again. I always fail. I admit it, I’ll never be able to stop. Today, tomorrow and till the day I die. I shall remain as I am.

No sleep yet and the day is into the afternoon. Hate mingles with despair in my unquiet mind. Anger races through my veins and I find myself hurting yet again. It is all coming to a head perhaps. Days are bleeding into each other. Can I cross it off my list yet? I’ve been trying and fighting for a while now. I have got myself help. I poison myself with medication designed to make me feel like I am a human. There is not much left of Faithless right now. Not much of what she once was. It is a sad predicament indeed.

I have […]

I hate this world we live in. Where the stupid people are praised, and the ones with meaning are ridiculed. We are all diamonds in the rough. They will never see how brightly we shine in the light. Our thoughts have more meaning than anything they can speak and our lives are of much more importance. So why are we the outsiders? Is it because we’re different? Because we see the world differently? Either society is blind, or it needs to open its eyes.

…of crying myself to sleep

…of not having anywhere to turn

…of having to pretend to be okay

of having so much pain inside it physically hurts every part of me.

I’m so tired of feeling like this,  I wish I could close my eyes and never wake up.

We were once a happy family, tied together by the bonds of love. Then came the lies, the betrayal, the pain… It shouldn’t have happened this way. When things were right I took it all for granted. Now everything has fallen apart and everyone is gone. As the last child, I am left alone, to clean up your mistakes, and uphold the name of the family I grew to love.

Perhaps it is wrong to hate, after all, anger is unhealthy.
But sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if you never existed.
The things you say and do, they really hurt me, and although I may not show it, I’m terrified of you.
Why do you continue to hurt me?
Does it really satisfy you that much to see my soul shattered on the ground?
This feeling is simply awful, I’m afraid and I know it, but I lie and convince myself that I’m alright.
Channeling my fear into anger, I’ve developed this hatred towards you.
You’re pitiful.
I no longer see […]

Nights like these are always the hardest…

My insomnia’s got me wide awake with my mind racing. It’s the perfect time to cut.. Under any other circumstance I would, but I just started treatment. I’ve been on a happiness high, but I guess that’s over. I guess this is my first test of treatment.. Will I stay strong?

Everywhere I look I see these strange faces, and I wonder who they are. What do they see in the world? What is their purpose in life? It’s really none of my business, but I want to know. Am I the only one who is tired of living in this world? I’m sick of routine and seeing the same faces everyday, even though I can’t recognize any of them. I don’t want to live. Not here, not now. However, I still want to see tomorrow…Maikaze

If you will dare me to tell the truth about life based on my understanding,
life for me is meaningless. The only thing we know about life is it has an ending, which
is death as we all know it. Life has an expiration date, we will all die without even knowing
when or what time it will happen. Life is too short, that it is impossible to experience
everything that this world has to offer. Some people tried to give a meaning to life, like they
say it is a precious gift from above with a purpose of love and be loved. If life […]

im ready……….ready to end this…….. if only i could do it myself……

It’s just… It’s impossible to hold on to anything right now. Everything seems like it’s slipping away. I want Garrett to come back. I miss him already. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I literally feel like I’m going crazy. I watch things on ID and think, “Am I going to be one of those people?” I watched part of The Ward earlier, and it scares me. It scares me that I feel like I’m going crazy, and that I might be subjected to that. I can almost feel my mind slipping away. I felt like this before, too. I felt like this when […]

I’m trapped. There is no other way to say it. I’m trapped in this life.

Death rests under my feet held at arms length by the rope on which I walk. It’s tight and narrow, a dirty beige line blaring in a spotlight. It groans as I walk. My toes tighten along the line as my weight makes it jerk and sway. It causes me to wobble and that’s bad. There’s no room for error in my performance. There’s little forgiveness. What forgiveness I do get, its hallow. The damage is done and there is no fixing it. It’s never forgotten.

There’s no room to turn around, no […]

I need to stop seeing him. I need to learn to let go. I’d punch myself until I bled if he thought it wise… if he said so. I’d do it. He doesn’t care about the fact that.. Well, that doens’t matter anymore. I don’t want to see his face after this is over. It just reminds me of how often I frustrate, anger, and annoy him. I’m not perfect. I’m not his dreamgirl. I’m not his. Not anymore.. He abused me. I want out, I want to be treated right. I’ve given everything and more to him.. I’ve given it all. Everyday. Music is […]

I don’t really understand why I started feeling this way. I feel distant even from the people that are closest to me. Sometimes I can be happy. I can feel good. Then I go back, and I realize that I have only been pushing these thoughts to the side. I want to die, but I won’t. I can’t let myself give up on life. I just want to stop planning out how I am going to die in my head. I want to stop having to push back these thoughts, and gulping back my tears. I want to stop looking over the ledge and thinking […]

I can’t  cry. I can’t read. I can’t write. I can only think. What am I? A mute? A social deficit defiling the medium? I don’t want to talk about it, because then it doesn’t mean as much. I can only keep myself moving.. barely. Going through the motions. Why must the motions take so much away from everyone around me? Why must I have problems with eatting? Why can’t I be beautiful and healthy? Why is there no normal to be attained? I even put on our song to evoke the rolling storm, but the tears never came. They did the exact opposite actually. […]

Breathing is a foreign thing
One that I would refuse
I need not this sentience
And lack great will to choose

I am broken, just a tad
Bleeding drip by drop
Faulty product to be returned
Just let the hurting stop

Tired of awakening
To this life and little else
Tired of each and every thing
Weary of pathetic self

Living just for that one day
Grants you naught but 24
And yet the irony remains
I am not fit for that much more

Years now, I have tried
To find within some form of peace
To gather courage against great wind
And from these shadows find release

Years […]