Lots of people on here say there is no God, im not trying to preach or anything seeing as i only go to church for funerals and weddings. But i do believe that there has to be something, do greater reason why we r on this earth other than just becoming furtilizer…im just voicing my personal beliefs if u disagree then no biggie, im not trying to preach my beliefs or belittle anyone elses…
I feel like crap cause of a person I had related to wants nothinq to do with me:/Anyone wanna wasste their time and talk to a looser?
So i cut the other day ; over 100 hundred of them. My ex was bothering me and making fun of me calling me fat and ugly apologized and i didn’t believe him. His exact words were “go ahead cut urself i dont care cut ur arm of for all i care” i cried and did it. They are healing but i have never done something like what i did. It hurt really bad i almost passed out. My mom knows and thank god she isn’t mad. But yeah that’s all i really have to say.
Fuck everything, I don’t matter? Im nothing. Every night after I get home from school is cry, all night. I try to be happy then I just over think everything and it makes me angry. The only time I’m ever happy is when I’m either smoking or drinking. I’m young and I’ve already fucked up my life. Why don’t I just die now? I have nothin in my life, my mom and dad are divorced and they both hate me, I never can fucking do anything right. I try and get good grades but I can’t, I just can’t. I try I try so hard […]
This is my first post on this website, but I know I’ll end up coming back here.
I never thought that I would end up on a site like this, struggling with my identity and hurting myself physically and mentally. I feel dirty and shameful and hypocritical. I always tell my friends and anyone who will listen to never never EVER hurt yourself, that it’s a horrible thing to do and that people love them, but when I do it, it becomes something else. I don’t want anyone to know. It’s my secret. And I don’t want to stop.
I don’t know if I would really say […]
It took one month for me to notice you.
One week for you to tell me you liked me.
Three days for you to ask me to be yours.
Two weeks for the fighting to begin.
Four and a half weeks for me to fall in love.
One day for you to change your mind about me.
Six weeks and four days for it to last.
Fifteen minutes for you to end it.
One week for you to find someone new.
Four months for me to convince myself ill be okay.
One month for me to find someone new.
And forever to forget you.
Theres nothing worse than when you want nothing more than to push the tip into your skin and slowly and painfully drag it across your wrist until the thin scarlet line begins to appear and you cant. Now im left with multiple reminders of my attempts that further remind me how i cant even complete a little task like cutting myself. Cool. Im going to bed.
DESCENT:
Falling victim from neglect
Designed thoughts and intellect
Forgotten and displaced
The crux of my dismay
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
Nothing
How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How deep I descend?
Deeper into this abyss
Weighted down and sinking fast
Life did not offer me
More than false destiny
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
Nothing
How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How deep I descend?
I am nothing
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
Nothing
Nothing…
How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How […]
Why did this have to happen?… the world hates people like me and I dont know how to make people happy now…. my mom is getting re-married my dad wants to kill himself my brother is never home and when he is he never wants to talk to me I even have got to the point I cant go on anymore…… It would be best for everyone too they all hate my soul…..I have been shot.. stabbed..and my own mother said I was just better off dead because the world doesnt need another *****…..why?…..why is thhis going on right now?……. please….help…..me……….
Not like this,
ashamed of what im going to do.
wouldnt want anyone to see,
but what more can i do?
i dont do it for attention.
never wanted the negative.
why am i always the rejected?
too many times,
too many heartbreaks
but then again
i never wanted to go out like this.
Im so tired of this shit. completely exhausted. its a fucking saturday night and everyones ditched me.only because i cant drink or smoke pot. you know what, this worlds better off with out me, not like anyone would show up to my funeral. i lost the one person who actually cared and hes not coming back so whats the fucking point anymore. i feel like a useless pawn that should have died years ago. please god if you exsist, just make this shit go away…..for the love of your one and only son please. cant take it anymore im tired of being alone tired of […]
Saturday’s, because they are my day off, seem like my day to post on this thing. I only have like three posts so far, but I feel drawn back to this place. Its a place for my tough thoughts that no one else wants to listen to. ..
Just reading the last post was almost to much for me because the person reading it was very angry about their situation saying *** you to everyone and saying they want everyone to suffer as much as they. How ironic that they are crying for help, but at the same time snarling that that. I understand it all […]
Note
Tonight, I am going to end my life. What follows is the only memorandum I will leave in my absence. Forgive me for the lengthiness of this ‘note’, but just in case there are those who are left confused or puzzled by the decision have I have taken, this writing should clarify the choice I have made.
For the best part of 20 years I have been physically and mentally abused by my family, namely my mother and sister. For the past two or so years, I have been living alone (but not independently), and for the past year I have been, health-wise, in a state […]
Sometimes it seems like everyone hates me. Like every single thing i do is wrong and terrible. I wish i could just turn off my life and start over. Get new friends, not backstabbers. Stop caring what other people think. Stop being such a terrible person. And just get a life that I love, instead of living this life where I’m just waiting for the next time I’ll make a mistake. I don’t want to die, I’ve never had the real urge to kill myself. Hurt myself, yes, but never end my life. I honestly thought I had a best friend who would […]
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
I hate the word ‘suicide’, […]
I HAD SEEN THIS TYPE OF RESPONSES A LOT OF TIME
I CAN’T DO THIS!!!!!! Â WHY CAN’T I DO THIS??? Â I CAN’T STOP!!!!
So this is going to seem like a complete overreaction but I don’t really care.
I digress.
So my brother and his wife planned this dinner and drinks night for my boyfriends birthday. He went somewhere with his friends for like a pre-celebration thing. I get a text “might be staying here-maybe” Told him i needed to know so i can tell my brother.
Haven’t heard from him for like 3 days.
It’s such a kick in the stomach to know that i wasn’t even invited to where he is. To celebrate his birthday with him. I never get invited to anything. It’s like he doesn’t even care if […]
HI FRIENDS…..AT THE FIRST ONLY I SAY I AM REALLY NOT YET ALL GOOD IN eNGLISH………..NO ONE SPEAKING WITH ME I DONT KNOW Y????????????????????????????????/ BUT I HAVE 2 GOOD FRIENDS IN MY LIFE………………..I KNOW DEEPEST SECRATES ABT THEM THEY SHARED ALOT OF THIER SECRATES WIT ME…ND ONE MORE THING I HAD A GOOOD FB FRIEND ,HE ALWAYS CHATTING WITH ME, BUT NOW A DAYS EVEN HE IS NOT COME ONLINE.,REALLY I FEEL VERY BAD, SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A CRY,,,,,,,,,,,,,REALLY I AM NOT SO BAD COZ OF THAT PEOPLE CANT SPEAKE WIT ME.:(((((((((((((((((………………
When I feel like this I rant here because, I dont have anyone else to turn to. And I guess people are trying to lift my spirit by saying you can be better and there’s hope and whatever. But the thing is I cant. Mostly because I dont want to. Also because I have tried and never succeeded. I dont want to be anything better than what I am right now: a worthless , disgusting whore. The only thing I want is death. And I dont want people ‘helping’ me and talking me out of it. Thats one of the main reasons I stopped seeing […]