It makes no sense to me that I continue living when this life ceased to bring me joy so long ago. Here I sit, slicing my skin open once again, after so many years of staying away from it. I hope this is the time that kills me. I hope everyone hates the art I leave behind, and hates me for not staying awake another day. That’d be just perfect.

ugh cant sleep…again haha anybody want to keep me company?

we live in a selfish world , no one cares about you. i am being used, i know that

this world sucks there is no one out there for me.. so why should i live.. for whom?

its hard to be alone,but i have to. i feel so sorry for all the people here.. i believe u have same issues like i have

is there any one out there for me?? who really loves me..i want to be loved truly.. never felt that feeling

being loved. i dont know what i am going to do..i tried to kill my self few times but didn’t work, this time i am […]

Every night i go to my backyard to clean our pool, pick up after thdaog ect. and every night i see orion’s belt. Im not too into to science and stars but i cant help but smile when i see it. If ur not familiar with it, its 3 stars in a stairght line that make up the “belt” of the stick figure orion. For some reason seeing it every night, it just gives me hope…i mean if its a clouldy overcast night i still find it…wierd right? And i know im too old to be wishing on stars but sometimes i cant help […]

I’ve been cutting for ten years, but I never cut with a razor.  I’ve cut with everything else from knives to staples.  Tonight I couldn’t help myself.  I don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially distant.road because you have been sooo wonderful and helpful.  I hate when I do things that make others lose faith in me, so I hope this hasn’t.  I unscrewed a pencil sharpener with a brand new blade in it and was startled by how quickly you bleed with razors.  I need to throw it away but it is just laying on the windowsill next to my bed.  I can’t get myself […]

I cut my wrist and watch it bleed,

Another failure i don’t need,

And when you sit there screaming and yelling,

All i want is to keep rebelling,

Rebelling against the bull shit and lies,

Its hard to stay mad with tears in my eyes,

But then i lose it,

And i start grieving,

I just can’t handle all the shit I’m receiving,

Then i get pissed,

And go all crazy,

So maybe i do need help,

Maybe, just maybe.

It was a bread knife.

Long, cold, and serrated.

Just what I needed.

I still remember the first time I pulled that knife across my arm; I had been so, so stupid, doing it where everyone could see. It was so obvious, the four gashes on my forearm. It had been near impossible to hide them. My mom noticed the long sleeved hoodies, but I think she was too afraid to ask. It just escalated from there. I moved from bread knives, to scissors, to my shaving razor, to the box cutter my mom left lying around one day. It’s still tucked away in my box of special things.

I […]

My biggest prob 2day is that i have a incurable diagnosis…COPD>Chronis Obstructive Pulmonary Disease>Emphysema……among:muscle strain to the lower back,migraines,menopause,high blood pressure, high cholesteral, anxiety,depression, rosacea, diabetes, with COPD being the latest diagnosos in Jan. I ACCEPT THIS SHIT, n want to get my friggin ducks in a row…Y??? do the ppl around me fight me on this?? R they the ones who will eventually b living within 100 feet of themselves like I will b wen im on oxygen?

I’ve gotten a request or two for my story so here it goes. I was born into a fading family. My dad bailed n left my mom, leaving her with a 4 year old son and me, an unborn child. She decided she couldn’t care for both of us, so she gave me to my adoptive parents. They’re possibly two of the worst people on the planet. From age one, they imposed their wills on me. They hovered around me constantly and everything I did had to be approved. My dad liked to “play fight” and manipulate my joints to cause pain. He threw me […]

you ARE important, u r worthwhile, u r who u r, GOD created u, u r “OK” just the way u r…..n I LOVE YOU!

Sigh, Social Anxiety Disorder. S.A.D, how coincidental. If you don’t have it, I can’t explain it well but I can try at least. It is like you can not go anywhere public, you fear every one, you can not handle how you think they see you. I guess I have it to the extreme because all I do is work 6:30AM-5:00PM then I come home, drift into the bathroom and shower. Grab a snack and go to bed. Maybe play a game or two. It is crippling, I feel like I am going to have a fucking panic attack if I am in public for […]

What’s the difference between love and obsession? Between panic and heartache?

I am in love with a woman I cannot talk to until the end of the month. Things ended disastrously; when the relationship was ending I panicked and made a foolhardy attempt to save it by attempting suicide; she left forever.

Deep within me I know I still love her, but all I hear is that it’s only obsession. I’ve heard that obsession can be delineated when the desire becomes harmful, painful. If that’s the case, then what is mourning but only an obsession with an individual that has died?

I know I’m going to contact her […]

say what you want, speak out about how you feel…it IS “OK”

Im not sure how i found this website. But i did, and as i began reading through these posts i felt myself being able to relate more and more. Ive never tried suicide, but like most, its crossed my mind. Theres something about it that makes me feel so safe. It seems so welcoming and warm. Escaping this world.. escaping my problems.. my family.. my “friends”.. my disgusting body and annoying personality. Just leaving it all behind and giving up. I would.. if i had the guts. The guts to research how many pills. The guts to leave some form of letter as […]

Here I am trying my best, Trying to make EVERYONE happy. But no my friends decide to go behind my back and say I’m a downer,I never get anything done, I screw everything up, I take everything away from them. Like really *****? I give my everything and I NEVER ask you people for anything. I’m stuck here putting up with all of you, just because I actually care about someone and I’ll do anything I possibly can to keep his head held up high because hes the only one who doesnt talk about me behing my back, never asks me for anything, treats me […]

Expressing myself on here has been really helpful.  I am able to get this all out.  And maybe if I do go, there will be a record of my thoughts and feelings, explaining.  I don’t write good suicide notes.  They always come out with apologies and don’t blame each other’s and whatever else comes to mind.  But here, I can let the words flow and I can talk to people who understand.  I really don’t want to die.  And hopefully that will be enough to live.  But right here and right now I don’t know whether I can stop myself.  So I am pouring my […]

Walk a mile in my fucking shoes *****. Go ahead try it. Let me walk in your shoes and let m jugde you. Ill show you how I Feel. Let me.yeah I ain’t perfect and your not either. I’m happy with my appereance. Don’t like what I’m wearing don’t look simple as that. All the girls I talk are like I wish I was. Her I look at them and say really you wana be a fake ass barbie dol if younwant to go ahead turn into one of the perfect girl see how fast I turn on you. Just saying. Let them walk in […]

It seems i have to find another way to take the dive, I’m unusually tolerant to various forms of medication and blades can’t leave a scratch on me… why is something so simple so difficult?

that’s never something that i could say about myself, because i’m so far down into the suicidal pit that i feel that there is no way out. if you’ve ever been here (and i’m sure that most of you have), how did you pull yourself back out? i don’t even know if it’s possible to do, for myself, anyway. but for those of you who had that unreal emotion called ‘hope’, if you had it, hang on to it! and if you still have ‘hope’, please do not ever, ever let it go. i don’t know what hope feels like, and may not even recognize […]

I’m sorry I acted like an ass but yall have to admit,what yall told me was kinda mean.

Gaara you told me that my keyboard was broken or In other words I’m stupid,you actually thouqth I wouldn’t qet mad.Your tellinq me to follow the rules but tho your the one that wants to start an arquement.

Shaolin you said I fear the letter g.Aqain you honestly thouqht I wouldn’t qet mad?You Insulted me.Dude worry about IMPORTANT stuff like whats qoinq on on the war In Iraq.Mostly everyone knows more about the Kardashian’s then the war on terror.People care about who’s qoinq to be elminated In American Idol […]