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1

NRTL #2

October 19th, 2009by DEADALREADY

Here is more of the stuff I have written recently about why I constantly think about killing myself.

Living to survive, surviving to live. LIVE TO MAKE MONEY SO YOU CAN SURVIVE….AND MAKE MONEY.

For me personally, I see no value for me to continue to survive just so I can keep surviving. I also don’t see why I (or anyone) should have to dedicate my life (majority of waking hours) to continue run on a treadmill (a job) just so I can make money so I can continue to survive for the sake of surviving when I have no real reason to continue to survive …

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7

It has to be done tonite

October 19th, 2009by fla87

After my first attempt, someone told me that something like 75% of people that attempt suicide and fail will attempt again and by successful. Now I am sitting here alone in my room, already have made my plan and I can’t get that statistic out of my head. But honestly I can’t seem to get anything out of my head these days.

I’m not sure if I want to go into my “reasons” for doing this because after psychiatric counseling, mental wards, rehabs, and etc, I’ve realized there is no point in trying to explain a reason. I’ve been told there is no reason. Suicide is …

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38

I want to disappear.

October 19th, 2009by tate

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t think I deserve to be on this page with everyone else’s sorry little sob stories. My life is not as fucked up as yours. I do not have as much pain and agony in my memory sacks. I haven’t been divorced, cheated on, abused. I’ve suffered no major deaths, no traumatic incidents. I cut, but only a little and never dangerously. I feel alone, but I know everyone loves me. Really I just feel I should be happy and cheerful… But I’m not.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I just want something to be …

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3

please let me help

October 19th, 2009by whydiebeforeyourtime@gmail.com

hey everyone.

i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.

there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.

the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.

if you’d like to talk about Him or …

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3

critical

October 18th, 2009by golden age

I am in my late seventies and 13 yrs ago my children’s father committed suicide, three years later I lost  my second husband, the year after my sister in law, the year after, my mother, the year after a girlfriend of my daughter whom I treated like a daughter, the year after my other sister in law, 2 years later my childhood girl friend (all these people through one kind of cancer or another and last year another childhood girlfriend from a heart attack. It’s been a succession of mourning without stop. Then since I had divorced my children’s father (long story) my children blame me for his suicide, and …

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2

NRTL

October 17th, 2009by DEADALREADY

Hi. I am going to start posting some stuff that I have wrote in the past several months about how I feel and why I feel this way. Here is the first piece of the puzzle that I am going to post here, one of the oldest.

I am a white male in my early twenties and I will likely live a short a life, mostly because very undesirable body and within that, my small hands and arms, bad teeth, huge head, bad stretch marks, fat belly, and my small and crooked penis; Its is roughly 4.8in by 4.8in. Besides this I am ugly but not …

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2

why do i look so happy when im not

October 17th, 2009by Mizzexclusive

i may appear all smiles but thats how well i hide my pain

i may appear all smiles but thats how well i hide my pain[/caption

life is so fucking hard.but without life what is there? i mean could u imagine absolutely nothing. i mean nothing. no life no air no water or rain no heat no cold. i mean what happens when the world comes to an end? what will become of anything. i cant imagine. anyway to go off topic, what i realized about majority of these posts is us suicidals are smart as shyt. the …

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5

Whose call?

October 17th, 2009by susan5

Does it ever happen to anyone that this shit just comes out of the blue? It does for me, every couple of months, weeks, for no reason, I just get this overwhelming desire to die. If I’m lucky, it only lasts a couple of weeks, but sometimes it goes on for months. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, because at those times, nothing matters, all I can think of is just putting an end to myself. I walk by rivers, I think about drowning, I walk by trees, I think about hanging, I look at a knife, and there’s another sweet death …

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0

the shit id jus adding up

October 17th, 2009by Mizzexclusive

okay so i met this guy who reassured me that he could add money to my bank account.he  lied stole all the money from my account and in the end made my account negative. problem with that is my mom has a temper and get real mad real quick. she may throw me out because our account was joint. than she finds me a job at her place only to find out that i cant work there becuz of a recent drug test i failed….for that she is surely to throw me out. ill be jus that lucky if hse can throw me into ongoing …

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3

Sick & Tired – no joke, so no humor(stupidity) please

October 17th, 2009by halfangel

New to this site! I am an almost 50 year old female. I have been trying to commit suicide off and on for about 10 years.

I don’t want to hear any “don’t do it”, “life is worth living”, “you’re fucked up”, etc. type of replies!!

I started my entire life as I knew it, virtually over, 10 years ago after being unhappy for approx. 5 years before that.

Nothing goes right! I take a step forward and am forced 3 steps back (or more!) I’ve been on anti-depressants (in increasing amounts), tried to commit suicide, I don’t know how many times (at least 7 or 8). I …

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2

i don’t know what to do.

October 17th, 2009by feelinghopeless

I’m feeling a bit hopeless right now, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed a lot and I’ve been thinking about suicide lately, I just don’t feel like life is worth it anymore. I love my family and I think they’re the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet. I’m always faking a smile, I just feel so screwed up lately. I had an easy life I guess it was just filled with a lot of pain and distrust, I can’t trust anyone because of what happened to me when I was younger. Now, I wasn’t raped or molested or anything, but my …

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5

seventy cuts below the waist.

October 16th, 2009by Shelbinicole

Last night my boyfriend pissed me off so i did the one thing i
have learned to do; cut. The thing is though i made a promise
to him that i wouldn’t cut anymore so i had to hide it…
i cut right below my belly. over seventy times. i am so
tired of this life… i want to disappear.

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3

I want to die

October 16th, 2009by Ross

Everything seems so pointless to me. I’m endlessly depressed, due to a huge variety of medical conditions, and nothing has ever been able to stop that. I feel completely overwhelmed and can barely control my own life. I know mentally that the problems that I am facing are not even a fraction as bad as the vast majority of other people who post on this blog, but that really doesn’t register for me. Life seems so pointless. Economically speaking even: http://www.slate.com/id/2090424/
Really, I know that I have pretty much nothing bad about my life. Many would even call it idyllic. …

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4

back to this… a new, yet familiar, low…

October 16th, 2009by blahblahblah

i want to wake up. i want the last two years to be a hideous nightmare. i want to be in the arms of my wife. i want to still be happy. i don’t want to be happy again. i don’t want to me married again. i need to be happy still, and married still. i need this surreal excuse for existence to part like mist on a sunny day. i need a sunny day.

last year, i failed at ending my life as badly as i failed at living it. i now have even more to …

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5

Just Want To DIE!!!

October 16th, 2009by Kieylee102

Right now I just feel like killing myself because everyone is causing me to get so upset that it’s making me sick. So if I die there will be no more problems and I’ll stop feeling so sick. I just want to cry and tell them all to go fuck off and die. But I know I can’t do that so I just want to take what ever sharp thing I can find and cut myself everywhere and then stab myself so that I just die in my own pool of blood. Then everyone will be so happy. Everyone says that they’re my friend but …

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3

Killing myself

October 16th, 2009by hume

If I ever decide to kill myself there will be no “attempts.” “Attempted suicide” is only true if half your face is gone and you somehow lived after the bullet passed through your frontal lobe ripping your eye out of the socket.

Attempted suicides do happen but they constitute about 1% of what are “pleas for attention.”

many people never intend on killing themselves and make some half assed “attempt” at taking their own lives knowing someone will find their dumb ass and pump their stomachs out of flintstones vitamins and peppermint schnapps.

If and/or when I decide to take my own life, there will be no …

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1

the right choice

October 16th, 2009by bexter

Hi ive come across this site looking at suicidal thoughts ect. Ive over dosed twice but i didnt have enough tablets, then the third time i had alot of opiod medication along with sleeping tablets washed down with alcohol. It was a very very serious attempt to end my life, having sorted out my financial issues and left notes. So when i woke up three days later in hospital it was one big nitemare. 6 months on and im here again planning it, Ive saved up over 100 opiod tablets and have alcohol ready. It seems a calming thought knowing what i am planning to do. It seems the …

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3

Rock Bottom

October 16th, 2009by Mamfie

Once hitting rock bottom, they say the only way to go is up….

But ive tried to pick myself up and have failed yet again to pick myself up again.  I have had depression for a long time and it seems that thru my whole life, i have been kidding myself and thinking I was happy, but something always happens to unlock the past issues i never could put behind me.

I used to be a bubbly person and people used to love being around me…now, all is gone.  I dont even feel comfortable in the same room as another person.  im paranoid and overly sensitive.

Im 22 …

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10

God is a fucking joke

October 16th, 2009by hume

The entire concept of Jesus and God and the bible and all of the bullshit that goes along with it and every other world religion is so unbelievably offensive to anyone with half a rational thought in their head.

It is 100% impossible for anyone to ever have empirically verified the existence or nature of any god anywhere at any time. Despite all of the lies and bullshit religions feed us, despite their low circling carrion bird flight around the downtrodden and depressed, nothing they tell you is true and will only make your life worse in the long run if you believe in lies.

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4

Just Took…

October 15th, 2009by whythisnow

…a handful Oxy and a liter of Bacardi. Most likely won’t be the end but it just feels EXCITING to ty!!!! Is there an other side? Something new and fresh, a replacement to the dull chill up the shoulders when true sadness kicks in. Oh man. I haven’t lived at all.

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