goodbyes: there is no more. there is nothing left. no second hello. no more living no more nothing.

Farwells: there is a second hello…..

with that. goodbye

O Lord, my Father
Why does my heart ache?
What is this pain?
It feels like a gentle touch,
A constant reminder of
my faith and devotion towards thee.
The earthly desires are very present.
They confuse and spoil our soul.
But, what should our pursuit be?
The ever present battle of flesh and soul.

O Lord, my Father
Guide the way.
We are boats,
drifting,
straying,
caught in the currents of life.
Father,
Please be our captain.
Steer us to calm waters,
Save us from the rocks.

O Lord, my Father
You are the light in the horizon.
You are the lighthouse,
You light the way […]

my body is here. but i feel like everything else is drifting away. like my will to live and my want to be good and try to make it fades away. i find myself thinking of death more and more every day. im not going anywhere but i recognized that so many thoughts pulsate through my mind. sending a heavy surge into my head making me drift off into this alternate little world momentarily… its ironic though… im thinking about corrupt things but i realized im happier in that world than i am here… because although all that exsists in that world is death and […]

I just don’t care about life anymore. I really don’t. I have a plan to kill myself if things don’t work out in my life.
I care about my friends and family members, but somehow I don’t care if I hurt them by taking my own life. I don’t know why. I’ll be at peace. And I’m planning on spending as much time with them as possible until that point.

My family, hates me. Everybody… But why? i don’t know! They take advantage of me and treat me like there slave. I have to do everything for them, and if i don’t do it correctly, they hit me with the closest thing they could find. My mom hit me with a cloth hanger and it gave me a couple scars on my leg. My dad hit me with a badminton racket on the shoulder. Even my brother hates me. My own brother. I thought brothers and sisters are suppose to take care of younger siblings. But apparently not. He smacks me around like i’m some […]

One word.

Obssessed.

With love.

Being loved.

Being cared about.

Being important.

Being noticed.

Prove I’m worthy.

Given a chance.

That’s all I want.

Why am I so different??

I want to be

A diamond in someones eyes.

Beautiful.

Loved.

Cared.

But it’s not gonna

Happen to me.

I’m not beautiful.

I’m not loved.

I’m not cared for.

I’m just someone

In the background.

Unimportant.

Unnoticed.

I am lost

In the sea of emotions.

Swimming isn’t my strenght.

“What if I drown?”

I think to myself.

The deeper I go

The darker it gets.

I want to be above the water.

So I won’t have to feel anything.

So i’m not sure how to react to the unfairness brought about by double standards, gender inequalities and plain bias in my household.

This may seem trivial but i need to have a bit of a rant!

BACKGROUND: I have two brothers, 30 and 20. My eldest has a wife and recently a child too. My brother had a long term relationship with a girl for about 2 years when we were younger and my whole family liked her since she was my best friend and they all knew her. I now have a boyfriend, we’ve been together for 3 years.
My mother is obviously bias and […]

well i guess i should post a story of my life maybe itle help get this shit off my chest well my parents always fought and shit and it turned into abouse and shit because my dad was an alcoholic and hed end out beating the shit out of all of us and then nice as hell when he wasent drunk wel about 5th grade it hit a peak and my mom left him hooked up with some guy who beat me jsut because he had a bad day and mom found out and left him then dad came back and he was better (suposedly) […]

Hi everyone, this is my first post.

I am 24, female, in Indiana, USA, have been off-and-on suicidal for several years–romantically as a teen, and legitimately toward the end of college and after.

To be really honest–I don’t understand how suicide is not more common. I wonder if there’s some big cover-up.

In the past, I have held out for that next big life step–college, or starting my career–but I have started the “career,” and I have realized that apparently life is getting up every day and going to work, maybe until you die, maybe until you retire and then run out of money and die.  Especially in […]

I am so lonely, lost, and miserable. I look at what my future holds and I see and feel nothing. I dont understand the purpose of my life. Even simple tasks seem unbearable. Taking a shower, getting out of bed, eating, and going to work seem like horrible unreachable tasks. I could lierally sleep 18 hours a day and the hours i am awake are exhausting. My family and friends have no idea the severity of my situation. I dont/cant let them know. I just want to disappear from everyone and never be heard from again. […]

I have decided on the road to freedom. But one problem is of the afterlife of eternal torture my parents burned into my mind I cant shake. I want opinions from people that can help me get rid of thinking that there is a possibility of hell

Hey
I have a bunch of friends right now that all seem really happy with life… Pretty much all of them have boyfriends or girlfriends and the ones that don’t seem happy to keep it that way. So I can’t really connect with them anymore, they seem very distant and I can’t act myself around them or they will think I am acting like a freak. Trust me I’ve tried it before. So the point of telling you that was this, I can’t take it anymore… I can’t take acting like a different person just to make other people happy… So I’ve seriously considered killing […]

Just wondering if anyone else here has insomnia like I do.

Most nights I can’t fall asleep until 3 or 4 am. And throughtout the night, or should I say morning, I wake up constantly.
I take a sleeping pill (natural sleeping aid; not prescription or otherwise) every night too. I’ve been taking them since I was a young teenager. Clearly they don’t work, but I take it anyway, just cause.

I know stress has something to do with it. And stress can also affect your dreams. I have had some really weird, out there, Twilight Zone-type dreams.

Anywho..

I took a whole bunch of pills, just enough to make me happy. And I was REALLY happy. I felt good.  My best friend told me not to do it any more, so I told him I wont. But I’m not so sure I can keep tat promise. I haven’t felt that good in so long.

Monday I put up a post saying that I had an opportunity Saturday to change my life. That I would put in every ounce of effort I had into that opportunity. It involves getting a good job, making not great but decent money and fixing the wrongs that I have done in my life. But… I don’t think I can make it. I’ve ruined to many lives and I know that I won’t be able to fix anything. So, Friday night I’m going to rent a room at a rundown motel near my house and buy a bottle of vodka. I’m really sick of this. […]

ok as ive seen the golden gate bridge mentioned alot on here and a documentary about it called the bridge and it shows people jumping commiting suicide and hitting the water …i really suggest it to watch because it really did make me think about it all , but them it made it tempting to jumping of it myself :/ , so i hear they plan on putting a ‘suicide net’ up to stop people jumping but to be honest the net is planned to only be 6ft wide but if someone truly wanted to jump then a 6ft net wouldnt stop them would it […]

As the titles says, what’s stopping you from slotting yourself?

I myself  am waiting for christmas to come and go, just so I don’t ruin it for my family. I have everything I need for a dignified, peaceful and quick exit (I’m planning to OD on 15 grams ******** along with a anti-emetic regimen) .

I’ll probably end my pathetic life around January/Febuary.

I’m a coward.

I fear living in constant fear. I fear falling in love and never getting over it. I fear disease and never having quality of life. I fear losing my mind and never being able to articulate again. I fear living because I fear dying.

I can’t say I feel bad for those who are sure that they want to go. I admire anyone who has the courage enough to make a concrete decision. I praise those who reach the end or decide to drop out of the race, because at least they can say, for sure, that it’s what they wanted. It’s our choice […]

I am depressed and i have been thinking about suicide for almost 3 years now. Years back, i had been thinking about it occasionally but now i am thinking about it every single day. My father is a gambler, my brothers are addicts and so on. The main reason is because i failed at secondary school. I didn’t realize the first 2 years and so i dropped to something lower, simple and stupid. I want to study, i want to be succesfull and have a meaning in life. My biggest dream is crushed because of my mistake 4 years ago.

My heart certainly goes to some of my […]