So I’m trying to get things in order…for those who are at the same path that I am,how do you go about setting things up? I.e.,what you want done with your body,how you want your possessions divided,etc?

Most of the time I don’t really care,BUT one of my biggest fears is that the decision will be left up to my parents,since I have no spouse/children,and that my dad will have control of my body,and the thought sickens me. I want to protect my remains from that.

Ive thought about trying to sign myself up for donating it to science,but not sure if they will take suicidal deaths […]

http://howibecameayoungwidow.blogspot.com/

My name is Alan, and this is my story

I’m 18 and I’m in my second year of medical school. I graduated high school with a 3.66 GPA and as class valedictorian. Then I applied and got accepted in a great med school on a 100% scholarship. At first I thought it was a dream come true. My parents, especially my father, always wanted me to become a doctor. But then I slipped up, I got careless and I didn’t study. As a result, I failed my integrated exam, and i was told i had to repeat it in the summer. This course is composed of […]

Someone I know
will lose their life.
Someone i know
has taken the same path
that we all wanna.
Someone i know
we will all miss.
Someone i know
was part of our family.
Someone i know
has taken theis day.
Someone i know
i hope they are okay.
Someone i know
i am worry greatly.
Someone i know
i wanna see alive.
Someone i know
i cant bare to hear
the news of a falling member.
Someone i know
i couldnt help stop them.
Someone i know
are they still breathing this minute.
Someone i know
really… we will miss you
Someone i know

I don’t have a spark

I don’t have a light to shine for

I’ve run out of things to rhyme with suicide

Maybe formaldehyde?

Now, i don’t know

What’s worth living for?

All these words in my head

Keep on telling me I’m a dead

beat nut case

I don’t have the will, i don’t have the strenght

To play this crazy charade anymore

Some day i’ll be dead, but will it be on my own head?

I simply don’t know anymore

I can’t let them know, and when i die it won’t show

Because if they know it will all be my fault

Although, I’m hurting people i don’t even know

And those that i know, i don’t know if […]

some days i look in the mirror,

and the person staring back at me is beautiful.

she really is..

other people dont see it, but sometimes i do.

other days… most days… i look in the mirror and see something i wish i didnt. something ugly. something i wish didnt belong to me.

it sounds wierd im sure, but thats the only way i can explain it.

the reason i say this, is because today was one of the ones where she was beautiful

If I could just vanish from this world, I would. If my family could just forget that I was ever born, I would walk away from my life, from everything I have into a forest or the mountains and quietly disappear. No one would remember me, no one would notice that I’m gone;  for even when I’m in a sea of people, I feel invisible.  It is as if I am surrounded by a wall of glass, separating me from the rest of the world. I can see, hear, and even feel everything happening around me but this invisible barrier keeps me isolated from them. […]

Had I been told this or been wise enough to realize this as a child maybe things would be different. Instead my family beath the whole “hard work” and “do nice things” all the time credo into me.   Certain events made me go numb my teen years and well like many of you drugs and the streets were my catharsis.  Thing is as long as I kept my grades up, seemed like my family did not suspect me of doing anything else.   Birth parents were drug addicts and dealers during my conception so probably why my brain is messed up.

Antisocial and schizoid, being forced into […]

Hi

Hi

Are you feeling any better today ?

Yes Ma’me.

Anything you need to talk about ?

No Ma’me. I’m just fine. Just like last week.

Are you lying to me, Ty ?

No Ma’me. Do I look like I’d lie ?

No. But sometimes I wonder, are you really okay ? Or is it all a lie.

I’m getting better.

Have you been taking your meds ?

Yes Ma’me. Always.

Promise ?

Okay.

Ty, I’m not playing. If you aren’t taking your meds, you won’t get better.

I’m fine ! Get on with the session, I only have an hour….

This my normal Thursday morning. Talking to the therapist at the hospital. Making her think I’m better.

I take my […]

I really have no where to go. No one to see. No place to be. Really one of the reasons why i wanna die. My life is fucking boring. I have no one to talk too. Its like 1:36 a.m. and have nothing to do. I dont even wanna sleep but that seem to be the only option i have. I guess if living life with nothing to accomplish or see throughtout the world. My eyes should be shut and my heart should stop beating.

Life is full of choices. Some good, some bad, but in the end, we all make choices every single day. The choice to get out of bed at the first buzz of the alarm clock. The choice to wear that shirt with those pants. The choice to hold the door open for the person behind you. We make choices whether we are aware of them or not. Sometimes, the choices we make are big. Like choosing where you want to live. Choosing how to act around your family. Choosing whether or not you want to take your life tonight. For me, I’m running our of […]

cancer it is sure in tow with me but its too slow i need something fast. one of the readers should snuff me.

Have you ever tried to contemplate the magnitude of how many people are on this Earth? Amongst the seven billion here on Earth today, lies me. I’m hopelessly mediocre. I’m a generic mass of molecules, the most insignificant and unidentified of them all. As much as I want to influence and create change in this world, I feel so incompetent in even bothering. I’m nothing notable, distinct, or significant. I’m 19 years old, a veritable arsenal of potential among seven billion others, all of whom are simultaneously trying to claw themselves up to significance. There seems no logical reason to try to become someone because […]

That’s what I would be remembered as. The girl who just couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take the stress, the sadness, the yelling, the anger. The one who just wasn’t strong enough to handle life. I feel like I was born to commit suicide. I feel like I’m in my last moments: Being sick of live, not caring, planning my suicide methond. Is this what people who commit suicide feel like?

I’ll be forgotten in a couple of year, but until then, I’ll be remembered as the girl who just couldn’t take it.

My sisters will ask eachother “Why did she do it?” and my Aunt will say “She just […]

I know I should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m suicidal. Except I can’t kill myself because I would never devastate my family like that. I’m suicidal because of my depression, anxiety about my appearance, fear of failure and very important life decisions that will need to be made very soon, and what will come in the future. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by in the past four years which I haven’t thought about suicide, whether it was about doing it or just about it in general. I’ve come to notice that suicide is inescapable; it’s in T.V shows, movies, commercials, in the […]

My Mom is the main reason why I want to die….

She makes everything so much harder and frustrating. Honestly, when I am around her I feel as though I should just be a piece of shit. That I am not good enough and never will be. Because I am not like her and I do exactly what she wants. I hardly get to go out… I can’t go shopping, can’t be me, or creative. She makes me feel like, I should just die.. and with the way things are..

….I honestly can’t think of a reason to keep holding on right now…

Im tired.

I don’t care anymore.

I don’t give a fucking fuck.

I have all of this anger and sadness .. Just building up inside me.

I will explode soon.

I’m fucking sick of everyones bullshit.

My own bullshit.

I’m just so fucking sick.

So mother fucking sick.

They are all so ignorant, annoying, selfish, stubborn, bitchy fuckers.

But hey, look who is talking.

Well, me.

Its just so fucking stupid.

Gona start taking some pills.. To make me “mellow” out as my “friend” said.

Oh well.. Fuck it.

Imma get them, I’m gonna take them.

[…]

A friend of mine died today. By suicide.

Please, please don’t go through with a suicide plan. If you need to talk to someone, I’m giving you my contact info below. I’ll talk to you. I don’t want to see anyone else die.

Please, I LOVE YOU. And I don’t even know you. I love you, and I will fight for you. Talk to me.

270.226.3177 (Call or text, 24/7.)
aspiring2live@gmail.com
cn.king@ymail.com
And if you don’t trust me, call 1.800.SUICIDE. Those people DO care. Most of them aren’t even paid.

I won’t report you. But I will fight for your life. I’ll listen. I promise. […]

life is a hell hole…. i hate it i hate the people and i hate the way they think they act…. pretty much i just hate life i feel like no one wants to get close to me… that no one likes me i feel like everyone should just die!!!! life is something i dont want anymore i want it gone so i dont have to feel so lonely with death i wont feel lonely anymore i would just feel nothing and nothing is better than feeling lonely.

I’ve known things that no 13 year old should now. In the fourth grade, i kept cutting myself. i didn’t know why i did it at the time but i know i did it because it felt GOOD. fifth grade year, i kept at it, and understood why. i knew about weed the same year. how to roll a blunt, make a bong. everything. When i went to middle school, i had no friends. my bestfriend left me for the girl i hated. i acted fake to get into the ‘group’ it worked. i was called a ‘popular’ i got into drinking partys. 7th grade: had […]