I’m getting closer to the day I have choosen. I didn’t go to my son’s hockey practice because I’m trying to stop seeing people. I just wanna be alone. I gave my life to a girl for almost 20 years and she walked out. Now I gave her plenty of reasons too but at the same time there were issues right from the start. I never really had a wife. I had a roommate. She was more interested in sleeping than spending time with me. She was more interested in reading that spending time with me. […]
How are you?
good
Really?
yupp
Are you ok?
Yup
Are you Sure?
yes
Positive?
mhm
Are you lying?
No
ok
ok
This is what always happens to me. When some one ask if I’m OK or how I am: I lie strait to their face. They don’t know I’m lying, no one does, no one can tell. I wish some one could, I wish there was some one I could talk to, that would always know when I’m not OK. Some one who cared, some one who would listen to what was actually wrong and help me,or at least try to. It’s too bad my wishes won’t come true. Every day I’m upset and people ask whats wrong, […]
I’m getting closer to my chosen date,but just wanted to vent freely where its uncensored…LOL.
The following are some “events” that happened today(some significant,some not) that remind me of what I will not miss when I am gone.
1.Idiot Parents and the School Bus- It used to be that children were able to wait for the bus or-gasp-WALK to school on their own. Not anymore. Now,parents have decided that bus time is social time,and they LOVE to take over the driveway/street where the precious vehicle is scheduled to stop.Their cars sprawl out everywhere-who cares if someone else needs to get through? And whatever space their SUV’s don’t […]
What happened to Biscuit of Death?
I am a 20 year old college student with a job, a place of my own, and enough money to be comfortable. I have an awesome family and lots of animals that are awesome (I consider my horse to be my best friend). I would see that I am decent looking with an alright body. I have nothing in my past that I need to confess to. There is no past abuse or strife that I had. Yet I have crippling social anxiety and depression. And I believe that it’s only made worse by the fact that I feel the only person I have to […]
I have to write this down. I’m tired.
The only reason I am still around is because I made a promise to myself 18 years ago that I would see this through. I have brought up two girls, and one wife. I have tried to get them to be their own people, but they continue to lean on me, and I am starting to fall. Someday, I told myself, I would be able to be at peace. After the girls are on their own, and able to fend for themselves. For the past twenty years, my wife has degraded, not grown. Now in the afternoon of […]
This all started about 9 months ago, you had been flirting with ne a lot, or so i touhgt… One night i decided to call you and you came over. I was babysitting and our friends were upstairs, you dragged me into the bathroom and made me give you a blowjob, you never asked, you only said; c’mon please, just please do it. And knowing I can’t say no, I did it. The next few days you called and asked me to meet you at our friend’s house. I came to his house and you were there to invite me in, they were upstairs.. I’ll […]
Is there anyone here from Canada?
I am currently at 15 and I remember two weeks ago holding on to my pills didnt want to feel again but my two closest friends helped me not to do it .. My depression pills seemed to help the first week but lately they seemed to make things more worser I started to, cutt myself about a month ago.. I care about my friends and a little bit of my family more than myself I dont really care anymore if I fail or I annoy ppl I get sad in a instant I turn happy to sad […]
asleep
(dream of wine and laughter and joy)
awake
drunk on sadness
you want to be clean you want to hold your head above the water
but
in between gasps of air you realize you’re drowning (or)
maybe you drowned a long time ago.
So i took a long walk to the outskirts of my small town to a trail that leads to a bridge over a shallow river. I brought along one of my favourite possessions, my pocket knife. It sounds silly but I’ve had it my entire (short) life. It means a lot to me… Anyway I was on the bridge and threw it downstream as hard as I could… I felt it represented my hatred and rage so i got rid of it.
Then i walked home slowly and I felt almost happy with myself.
I’ve been where so many of you are now. Sixteen years ago, I was mad, sad, confused and 15 years old. Being 15 sucks. A whole lot. I tried killing myself twice back then. Once with pills, another time with a plastic bag and pills. I didn’t even end up in an emergency room either time. They were very weak attempts. But, I made it to 16…then 17…then there was college and things did eventually feel better. I made new friends, got drunk once in a while, discovered I had a talent for photography…then things got worse when I was 21, then better at 23, […]
Sometimes I just don’t understand life….. why is it when you feel like things are finally going to go right for you and you will get to escape the bad things that have happened from the past….. just to have a reminder and have the awfull hurt come back to your heart
So this week from Monday to Wednesday (today) I’ve tried mutiple attempts to killing myself. And now I find it worthless! I’ve popped a combination of pills and nothing works! I’m quite mad actually and I don’t understand why it’s taking so long. I’ve popped double even triple the dosage and mized them too. It’s ridiculous. I’ve come to the conclusion that people don’t generally care and that life is pointless. I have a court case coming up and can’t afford it nor the consequences, whatever they be. School is stressful and I have no one to talk to. My mom’s a female dog, I […]
This is a summary of a lesson from Frederich Nietzsche that helped me: Your suffering and hardships are challenges to be overcome. Defeat them and you will come away stronger and better than those who have never suffered. Defeat depression and everything else in life is child’s play.
My boyfriend of over a year, my one source of true stability, called it off. I feel lost…. If home is where the heart is, then where do I go from here?
This happened Friday night. Saturday, started cutting then  tried to OD. I don’t even know if it was to die or just impulse… I was hospitalized, and I don’t recommend getting hospitalized for an overdose of antidepressants. They poke you and stick you to an EKG five times and don’t let you sleep when that is all you want to do.
I think I am a little more OK now. I don’t want to cut at […]
I couldn’t sleep so i took sleeping pills. They didn’t really sleep it was more like being paralyzed. I could feel hear but couldn’t stop him from having sex with me like that. I confronted him and he denied it. We fought and he said it would never happen again. I had no where to go. I was trapped. He went where I went. My first break  at help was a cop who said a husband can’t rape his wife. 5 yrs later some one stepped in. I had a child with him.
They lied said i was a druggie whore and other stuff and my lawyer […]
Well im pretty sure sooner or later my grades will drop. Today was a depressing day. My tooth aches like a *****. And i had an emotional breakdown. Yesterday i found some medicine that i read on the back about the overdosing on it. The one thing that could possible drown my lungs as i gag for air. Man i hate myself its a struggle to breath like now it seems i stop breathing. But other than that im listening to some wonderful hollywood undead.
Bullet-hollywood undead
i dont wanna die-hollywood undead
coming back down-hollywood undead.
those are some pretty good songs. I play them repeatly even […]
I expressed my feelings to someone, who didn’t judge and was very understanding… I hoped it would take me from this, dark feeling I feel. It didn’t, it just left me feeling embarassed.
Scissorhands
