Time’s still ticking and I haven’t still planned anything beyond the most vague of roughs. Lingering doubts still too strong. What an atavistic bore, really. Doesn’t mean I’m really much “better” though. My normal nights of sleep are of about 5 hours these days and still dropping. The ever bloodshot eyes does wonders for my already severe crazy person chic. It takes hours for me to get up in the mornings. Eating has become boring and unenticing and only the most sugary or spicy foods bring any pleasure now. Ugh.

Any of you ever been to Greenland or one of the Scandinavian countries? Any first-hand information […]

I don’t know who you are.
What am I supposed to do?
I have no clue who you are, it’s as if you are not here.
When will I get some help?

Jordyn_Taylor-Strongi’ve felt like i tried to many times to find myself. i’ve dream’d about the best things. but how come they never came true. why my life so horrible ! i feel ugly but ppl say im pretty sometimes i just dont believe them. i dated i guy over the internet we were in love but i couldnt do it anymore, i was a fake i felt like it wouldnt be fair for him to live on dating a girl he dont even know what i really look like. not only that, […]

Good morning the world. Monitor. People.

my mood is much better today. I don’t know why! My boss called and asked to come to job tonight, even i dont need to work so i am happy, don’t wanna be at home .

Overall i know what fucks my minds. I just stuck. I am stuck in this position. Studies are over, sports are over, military is over, all my lovely things are over and i can’t find them time coz of job. So i all i need to do is to change job, find a new flat, to buy a car and start living again.

I am sure […]

Fucking right. I feel like SCREAMING.

I guess I am just going to post some things about my recovery if anyone cares to read this, maybe it can help you.
I started having suicidal thoughts at the age of 13 when I went through a stage where I couldnt seem to please any of my family, friends, or current boyfriend. I felt like I couldnt do anything right, I didnt have anyone to confide in or talk to, and my life was pretty much at rock bottom. I spent three whole years depressed, drinking, smoking pot, & cutting myself whenever I felt too overwhelmed. I stopped caring about school & almost failed […]

Yes,another post.

I’m just curious what kinds of stories are out there. I’ve come across some bad ones,but anyone interested in telling your worst therapist stories?

I’ll start ….

My current therapist is so lame,she just nods her head and provides no feedback. She is late 25% of the time,spends at least 75% of our sessions trying to get me to read self help books or sign release forms so that she can “gather information” from other people in my life,as opposed to talking to ME.

But the best part….she cashes my co-pay checks within the HOUR that I leave. It took her 4 weeks to “research” a support […]

I cant get into my entire story now…besides,lets be honest,how many people really care that much about other’s problems? (except the fake do-gooders who want to save your soul…LOL…no disrespect,but lets call a spade a spade).

For tonight,I wanted to pose a question…how many people are in the limbo land of knowing that death is the only option,having a plan/idea, but mustering up courage to set a time and do it?

For those who are just about to make their moves,what was the final push that let you know that your dwindling time was just about gone?

And for those still in that murky area like me (for […]

If suicide was legal and medical assistance was available to anyone who wanted to die, I wonder how many people would choose to drop off the face of the earth? I know I would. However, if suicide was legal and easily available to anyone that wanted it, then would the government lose it’s control over us? Would our parents lose their control over us? Would our abusers lose their control over us? Maybe that’s why our society fights so hard to keep everyone alive because they know if we had the right to die, then they would no longer have power over us.

So. I just stumbled across this site and thought I’d give it a try… so basically I’ve been seriously considering killing myself for about a year now. And I mean SERIOUSLY considering it… I have a plan, but I just need to make a music playlist to go along with it… or maybe I’ll just skip that. I’m really thinking about doing it right now, but something keeps holding me back. 🙁

I see a therapist once a week and I’m about a month in with Prozac. It’s helping with the anxiety, but FUCK I want to die. Plus I feel like the meds are messing […]

sometimes i cut just to know this isn’t a nightmare. To know this is life and not only can you feel emotional, but physical pain too..

I don’t understand any of it anymore. I have no reason to have such vivid dreams of dying. I’m in a happy relationship. I’m not in a bad financial situation. I haven’t had anything bad happen recently. So, why in fuck’s sake am I waking up from nightmares that feel so real? I fall asleep, then feel like I’m awake and then proceed to kill myself in some way. And just before then end I wake up. What kind of weird shit is that? I mean, I haven’t remembered having such a bad dream experience since I dreamt of going back to my childhood and […]

I slept over my brother’s house last night.

I came home from school yesterday,and find my mom not home. I call her, she says shes coming home and that she was just walking and eating out alone. She comes home, piss drunk. I call my brother, worried because she had no reason to be drunk. Really, who just goes out in the morning alone and randomly gets drunk?

My brother calls her and asks her whats going on. She tells him she was out with this guy. (me and my brother call him her boyfriend because its pretty obvious…oh and hes married….) Then, out of no where, […]

This being my first post, I am finding myself proud of doing something like this…sharing my feelings.  Although i do not know you (reader) I am finally sharing how i feel and it will be the truth.  I always seem to sugar coat everything for people..whether its my family or friends.  I want them to think I am happy and confident and successful.  When all I am is failing…and when I am alone,I am not completely happy.  Often when I am alone, I break down.  I have no reason to cry really except that I just have this inner feeling of sadness and failure.  I […]

it dawned on me just a minute ago that my state f perpetual exhaustion is directly tied to the mask of “sanity” that i wear(who’s to say what sane is?; the majority used to believe the world was flat). Everyday I wake, leave my room, and put on my mask. It’s so tiring, acting like everybody else, trying to feign interest in news stories, new gadgets, new flavors of gum.. new this new that; I find the human experience to be quite trite and wholly uninteresting. The best laugh I’ve had all week was from that video of the kid being run over by the […]

I haven’t gone to school for two weeks. Dad dropped me off by the university the monday before last, and i… walked the one hour walk to my apartment. My parents don’t live in town, i was just at their place over the weekend. I don’t know what to say. Hopefully my parents haven’t noticed yet. They do know i’m doing poorly, though… Dad gave me the “we can’t support you forever, so work hard and get a grip” speech again today. But really, i’m just waiting to die. I took a couple of paracetamol based pills yesterday. Overdosed by 3. Not much, i know. Maybe something […]

I sound so ignorant, complaining about how I need to die, how I can’t carry on living a life that will just be full of misery, don’t say you know it won’t. Cause It will, I can’t keep a friend, I’m bullied all the time. That’s right I’m just 13, and don’t say that I’m having a teenage drama, I’ve had it since primary, in primary I would just sit on the bench, being a loner. Life’s too hard for me, I have no reason to live anymore, so why can’t I end it? Because I’m afraid, what if my family forgets me, what if […]

what’s up.?

Hello monitor and that who’s in it. At start, i don’t wanna be heard, i just wanna be said. Maybe would be easier.

All my life i was a very happy person. I had lots of crashes, deaths, family problems, alcoholic father, cancer mother, suicided feyonce and so on. Lots of shits. But i never felt disappointed by life. Each crash helped me to love life more and more. The best thing is that i Always felt how right life should be – doing everything you like, enjoying people and time, reaching some purposes and so on and so on. I was doing it all my […]

Today, someone I know came up to me and said “Hey, a friend of mine just hanged himself last week”, and went on to say that I looked like I might have been thinking of it. He said that he hoped that I felt like I could talk to him about anything if I was thinking of suicide.

All I could think of was how much I hated him for asking if I was suicidal, and felt like saying something along the lines of “You ****, why do you think your other friend killed himself, did you do anything to actually help him? I bet you […]