Bitter feeling, freezing
Question? Life without reason
sleep without dreaming
Some touch for feeling
Others touch for pleasure
I, numb touch in curiosity
No one knows the unknown
Brings fear to their faces
The bright light when your eyes awake
Faded, faded into dark blue
Inevitable tears, soaked
been swimming in a drowning pool
Last breath, unconcious, death

The end to end.

I’m 14 years old. About a year ago I started to get depressed. I have no idea why though. I think it’s because of my home life. Whenever I get hurt my mom  and dad tells me to suck it up you’ll live. Even if it hurts for weeks and it swells up. My mom will call me *****, slut bunny, and whore. My dad makes me practice softball everyday. My sister threatens to kill me and cut me daily. Lately, I’ve been crying a lot and having suicidal thoughts. I’m starting to get tired of life.

Deeper deeper, love can kill
But so can loneliness, if the balance is unstill
It quite, so silent in a closed off room
But safe, from world harm
but you dream of the cold blade on your skin
War ,self inflicted
Battle wounds from your worse enemy
Lie on your skin, as solum love run deep
Blood drips from your entity

it feels strange, but a release
You cry, as they walk away and leave
im hurt, these wound are still fresh
Your selfish, disapointment from the rest
But please , don’t leave me with my enemy
Im weak, she want me dead
The pain wants […]

I need help, some sort of guidance, some sort of hope… I’ve been sad for so long that I don’t know how to be happy. I don’t want to wake up and face the world – I hate it.  The constant crying and hopelessness.  Yes I’ve been to counseling, yes I’ve had the meds and yes I’ve been to the crazy house.  Nothing sticks.  Always go back to the sadness.  It truly it not worth feeling like this… not only to myself but to others either.  No one wants to be around me and I don’t blame them.  Who would want to be around such […]

What are we fighting for now? Where is our solace? What is the point to life? We, as human beings, promote our own self-importance through arts, writings, civilizations, etc, and yet none of our achievements means anything. The more we “improve”, the more we destroy, and although we work so hard and put so much effort into whatever we do, in a hundred or thousand years, we will become anonymous, our achievements will have become forgotten or replaced with others that will soon be forgotten as well. We all work so hard, fighting through personal struggles and climbing over obstacles, yet what is our reward? […]

I think I have a bipolar disorder.

I told my parents a few weeks ago, but they’re acting as if I’d said nothing.

Yesterday, I went to a friend’s birthday party and I felt like I wasn’t even there. And maybe it was because of the loneliness and vulnerability I felt because of the party or because of something else, but I’ve been eating non-stop since then. This always happens. I can’t do my work. I can’t read a book (something which I would usually enjoy immensely). I’ve been sitting in front of my computer all day. I don’t feel like doing anything that requires more energy than […]

among the many people who joined SP. There was life sucks thin you die (still here and well) blackqwerty (deceased? Was an asshole but had a brain problem) jamiejajamie (whom is well and I text her every day) and about 5 others but there’s always new people now who come say they will die and do it and that’s it… This is for coping with suicide not for last regards. Has anyone read the actual original posters and how they must have been uncomfortable about the deed of typing up a story of suicide?

Nycolle!!! Why don’t you love me back!!! I am madly in […]

3:42 A.M.
Haha it’s really late I always post some time after midnight but before the sun comes up. Maybe Rogue Shadow is still here inside me. That deep, dark side of me where a paper cut is all it takes to see the evilness inside me. It could be that I’m just deprived of sleep, having an intellectual…. Intellectual high point? well anyways, I always wanted a black cloak hoodie thing like the creature from the village, Jedis and siths from star wars, or even from assassins creed (in which I haven’t played but would like to). I want one to conceal my wretched […]

Even when I am cremated and scattered, gone. I’d like to leave a creation or drawing, SOMETHING with a note for them all to remember me by.

what will happen to us? Since we all want to die. What if we did it. Commit suicide that is. What happens if we all succee in it? Where will we all go. Will we see each other ever again. Do you really think we will be at the same place. The people we meet here. At SP what will happen here. The website where we all met. Since we all want to die… will SP ever be the same. Without the people we known here. Where will they go? Where will they be at? As we all rot underground or cermated into ashes. Are […]

and as many times as i’ve told you.. you STILL didn’t see it coming. you’re oblivious as i’m bleeding. as i’m screaming out in pain. and i’m standing in the rain. why? why? i’m waiting for the train. to come and take me away. and you’re obvlious. as many times as i’ve told you.. you STILL didn’t see it coming. and as i’m laying motionless. you’re standing there emotionless. and ignorance is bliss. you’re oblivious..

How do you tell a loved one you want to die?

In my experience, even telling someone that you’re feeling a bit down usually earns some negative judgement.

“What do YOU have to be so depressed about?” “Stop being so dramatic.” “Just look on the bright side.” “Find a hobby or something to do”

No, they don’t realize it’s very possible to lose interest in everything you once loved.

Even if you’re just a burden.

Much like my aunt.

My aunt is 48 years old and suffers from Schizophrenia and HIV. She has cost the family a lot of money and friends. She is a burden on my mother and grandmother.

Every […]

I find myself day dreaming about ways to die. what methods would look? what the person that finds would see and how they would react. I know that suicide is selfish and a horribble thing to do to family and friends but i dont care. I dont care anymore. I have been thinking about suicide since the age of 14 and im 23 now. So many times i tell myself life will get better soon and the hell that i am in wil surcome and i will be free. this has yet to happen and i just keep going through a battle with myself and […]

Smile? thats what everyone tells me, everyone tells me to “look on the brightside” or “just smile and everything will be fine”.Doesnt everyone think nothing will be fine? Nothing will be right? Nothing will make me happy again, but i still smile to make everything seem like its fine. When it isnt i cry myself to sleep i cut oh cutting just makes me feel better.. feeling that horrible sting i get when i make a cut and see the blood gush out. Why do i do this to myself? leave myself scars to see everyday? Why am i soo depressed? I tried comitting suicide […]

im just a worthless piece of shit. i found this website when i did a google search on suicide self hatred. i just dont want to live anymore. i have no purpose. god doesnt want me or need me, and probly hates me anyway. people say human life and the human body is precious but my life has no meaning and my body is certainly not precious. thats crazy. my body is an ugly piece of shit and i fuckin hate it. im so sick of how i look. i hate it. i hate my voice, personality, habits, body, thoughts, dreams, everything. i just want […]

ah, I’ve been commenting a lot, so needless to say I’m back. My turn for the better didn’t last, but then there is always hope that my turn for the worse won’t last either. Doing a lot of volunteer work now, that actually helps. Just my sleep is f…d and that affects the rest. Too tired to go to church today, also don’t wanna face people I deeply care about asking me how I am. I am shit, but I don’t want to worry them, again…..
So I’ll do some selfcare at home, do some of my hobbies, maybe take a hot bath and a […]

Last night I had my first good dream in a while. I dreamed I was back with my real friends and with people who cared. I was back before now when the one I love still loved me and was willing to wait. When I could go to him when I felt broken again and he would fix me and make me not want to cut or die. And when even if I didn’t have him I had Kate who loved me just as much. Now I wake up hoping to be able to look around and see them but they’re not there.
what are […]

Here we go again.

I was walking home with dark thoughts, thoughts of death. Which is nothing new after all. I wanted to talk to someone so i came here, because i need some support and advice. I had this small fight with two of my friends. And i was so cold and rude to them. I could see my selfish reflect in their disappointed eyes. On the way home i asked my self what kind of person I am. Recently i did some research about bipolar people and their symptoms. Tonight i felt this cold breeze, on half way to my home ,  and realized […]

The sound of the train. Was fucking taunting me last night. I regret not being there. Lying on the tracks. Music blasting. Staring at the stars. Thinking how miniscule I am. Compared to the universe. To all living things. A tree is more important to this world than little ol’ me. I cried because I wasn’t there. As opposed to crying because i’m waiting for my imminent death. Knowing the end is near and i’m finally at peace and everything is brighter. I see more clearly. I told myself I wouldn’t come back to SP. But I did. And it was really only to mention […]

Suicide is Painless

Through early morning fog I see 
visions of the things to be 
the pains that are withheld for me 
I realize and I can see… 

[chorus]: 

That suicide is painless 
It brings on many changes 
and I can take or leave it if I please. 

I try to find a way to make 
all our little joys relate 
without that ever-present hate 
but now I know that it’s too late, and… 

[Chorus] 

The game of life is hard to play 
I’m gonna lose it anyway 
The losing card I’ll someday lay 
so this is all I have to say. 

[Chorus] 

The only way to win is cheat 
And lay it […]