I’m going to start crying as I write this.. I know it… The title is a lie.

I don’t know how to fix everything, you always have to ruin EVERY GOD DAMNED THING FOR ME. YOU are the one who’s acting like you’re 5 and I’m trying to fix shit while you continue to yell at me about it. I CANT CONTROL HER GODDAMNED BEHAVIOR CAN I?!

I have to yell to get you to shut up, I don’t care if it gets other people’s attention. Fuck you.

I’m so close to being done with you. You’re making it easier for me to want to break up with you. You […]

I see my post are pathetic. sorry to  interrupt your life. probably wont post again. need to end this crapy existence , blacks out got to be better than this. got enough cash to buy a gun. to go alone or not thats the question, could take some with me.  sorry god im not well.

I wish that I could say that I was overtly sad but I lost my purpose in life when my mother passed away six years ago. The struggle to survive intensifies to a point when you realize that when you are the last in the family line to survive, you have been cheated in life. The majority of people have some family that they can speak to but when you realize that there are no more family members left to call, the isolation of that burden overwhelms. All that is familiar is lost. Life has been good to me and I think “is that the […]

I used to get joy from jerry garcia now I see my self dead

wife couldnt last 3 day without alcohol asked her not to but oh well. trying to get my affairs in order but whats the use, family’s fucked with or without me . trying to put the happy face a work thats becoming difficult. Thanks Kemp I heard yiou through the noise in my head for a moment. My daughter is really special , this is gonna hurt her. that hurts too thinking ways now. walmart should make a gun purchase easy. would like to make it look like a natural but need to get out soon. bummed its come to this, i think my kids […]

So my sister read my facebook, found out all the things i trashed about her and my family. Now im getting scolded for telling the world of my suicide thoughts. If you read my previous post, you’d understand my family isnt the best around, so why am i getting scolded for telling my friends my mind? is it so wrong to complain about your relatives to others when your on the brink of killing yourself?. I also sworn i put my facebook on private, so im guessing she hacked my account. now im in trouble and stuck deleting every fucking post i wrote about her.

Sure […]

I’m afraid of happy people. They are chemically unbalanced!

Sometimes I like to just stand on the chair with a cable cord or belt around my neck, afraid to kick away the chair and die already. I know I won’t ever kick the bucket like that. I just like to…feel in control.

I really like being happy. But it takes too much, it’s very hard to work for. Nothing ever really swings in balance anymore since my friends had left. I guess I feel the same way you people do. Depressed, lonely, stranded

……….

I.

Idle fingers wormed into my aunt’s harem, fondling

bashful bottles, creams, blisterpacks. Sharps of

insulin and statins-flova,pita, prava, for gluttony

and wrath, indulgence for indulgence. Substituted

lust, better than sex. Pride in finding God’s loop

-hole, pharmacornucopia, spilling candies white

to kill greed and fool envy. Greyscale for the mind.

My new family, surname Pam. Daddy Diaze Pam,

my sisters Clonny, Lorry, and old poxy grandpapa

Chlordiazepoxiede. Drip, drip, burn,

bitter backflow. Novice, diazepam has 100%

oral bioavailability. New Years night, weightless

and opiate warm, I fixed grim odds online

How I know I’m fucked

Cigarettes:
Bottom of my food pyramid

Family History:
Swiss cheese kidneys and crusty coronary arteries all around

Ethnicity:
our worst enemies

Diet/Exercise:
Newports, cows, rice(death)/Varsity Mathlete

Blood Pressure:
Paranoid extrapolation=200 mmHG by age […]

So I’m pretty much done. It’s been four years since my parents kicked me out with no money and no idea what the hell to do, and I’m still in the same place I was then.

See, I was an accident baby. I think that’s where it all started. My mom got fucking high one night and hooked up with my dad when she was 16…and behold! She’s stuck with a baby she doesn’t want…namely me. All through my life she’s been inconsistent, constantly putting me down for being ‘weird’, asking why I can’t be happy like everyone else, why I can’t have ‘normal’ friends. And […]

I’m back, breifly
Life is good atm, Have a new amazing boyfriend who took me on my first date last night… Yes, first date bearing in mind- I’m 17 & had a boyfriend of a very long time before
It was a really nice night & everythings really good :’)
I got a double distinction * in my performing arts course, so proud of myself
I’ve lost a stone in just under 3 weeks, I haven’t been eating, have no idea why, i’m just not hungry?
But ah well, if its working that’s cool :’)
I’m on a high with life right now, hope you […]

I am not the greatest of all people, but I have a few simple things to say, PLEASE READ

Life gets tough, but when the good times come, they feel that much sweeter

When you wake up, say it’s gunna be a good day, because that sun rose just for you (:

When your feeling down, remember it can always rain harder (not that i would mind that, i love the rain but in this rain is the bad things in life) and you’re just experiencing a little drizzle right now. Cheer up and the sun will come out.

I hope you all have the best of luck with […]

I would like to cast a prayer. First, i would like to thank god for helping me in my life, even tough it has not been very easy. Thank you for always being there for me in that LOVING way of yours, and always showing love and deep UNDERSTANDING for me and my many problems. Something that Ann and Jack never did, tough i think Ann is finally beginning to understand. She will now have to carrie a part of the burden i have carried for years. She brought this on herself! She will have to carrie a part of that burden, once i am […]

okay so i didn’t go through with it ’cause mum woke up too early from her nap

i just woke up and she’s still sleeping, so yeah

okay so i’ma just tell you all how i grew up real quick so you get a better view of my situation;

i grew up with mum, without friends, dad didn’t want me and he was a complete ***** to my mum, so she kicked him out when i was 8 months old. he’s an alcoholic.

mum and i used to be close but now we can’t barely be in the same room . we always yell at each other and argue. […]

I’m so scary. I am living in fear every single day. I always scary to get out of bed or even out my room. Is this how im supposed to feel? This emotion distress calling out for help. Screaming to my body that it needs to lose more weight or binge once and awhile. I cant even feed myself right anymore. I have lost control of everything. I dont deserve to live much longer. Oh dont let your emotions take over you to fucking late now. I dont know what i can conqure much longer. I have lost my self respect for myself now. I […]

There’s this woman who I’ve always been attracted to, and years ago she was attracted to me but I was too dense to realize it and blew it. I pursued her a few years later, but was doomed to fail because her best friend had it for me. And I was probably still socially retarded. Probably still am, if not quite as much.

So I married this best friend even though she was a *****, since it didn’t occur to me happiness was something within the realm of possibility. Now I’ve nearly finished divorcing her. I never stopped loving her best friend; the first woman. I […]

Warning! Wall of text!

I feel so alone and empty. My own mother, my own family betrayed me in a way I cant explain. We had a family gathering and my mother begged me and assured that he wouldn’t be there. I never go, haven’t meet my family in 4 years although I do feel lonely living by myself in a city across the country. I escaped and promised myself to never return, never look back. Needed to leave, to get away as far as I could. From all the evil, hate and twisted, sick minds I learned to deal and grew up with. […]

Every attempt I’ve made has been brutal. I’d be dead already if I’d gone through with them wholeheartedly. But each time I tried some method or combination thereof that should’ve been sure to kill me, something went wrong. A mechanical failure, someone finding me. It’s not like I leave clues lying around, either. When I make an attempt I make sure that I don’t tell anyone, that I act completely normal so no one can stop me. It’s happened six times now, failure, and I know why. I don’t want to commit suicide. I just want to get out of the life I have now. […]

I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for about 10 years. I’m up and down but have been controlling it fairly successfully with paxil for the last few years. Suicide is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I couldn’t ever ever hurt my family that way. About 2 months ago I started getting moderate to severe headaches every day. I have a very stressful job and not being able to work because of the headaches only makes it worse. I’m ambitious and I feel like I’m going nowhere at work. Anyway, today I’ve been fantasizing about ways to commit suicide. So far […]

The HEART is so important;
the ventricles pump the BLOOD.
The BLOOD is so important;
it carries NUTRIENTS to the body.
The NUTRIENTS are so important;
They feed your MIND AND SOUL.

But…

What if your MIND AND SOUL are lost…
And you don’t know where to find them?
What if the NUTRIENTS were so vile…
You no longer wanted them?
What if the BLOOD can only help you…
After it has been freed from your veins?
What if your HEART was broken…
Would you still […]

You make things worse. I understand that everytime I say I feel bad that you automatically think Ima resort to self harm. I know why, I’ve given you ever reason to think that but do you really think yelling at me is going to help? I really appreciate That you want to help but please understand I can get through the simple stuff on my own.