okay so i’m gonna go as soon as i get the chance. probably today. hopefully today. it’s gonna be hard leaving my best friend. i was gonna do it jul 2nd but i pussied out ’cause i was too damn high and when i got to the place i got a little creeped out. and he knows how much i think about this but still. i’ma hate myself for leaving him, he’s been there for me since day 1, unlike any other person i’ve ever known.

i’ve been practicing my method, ligature asphyxiation, and i have a question.

do you feel a pulse in your head when […]

I often feel like I’m the only one that understands me or cares about me. It’s such an ugly feeling to feel like you are the only person you can rely on. Haha and it’s funny as hell when you are not even that dependable in the first place. I feel like shit constantly. Like a burden, a mess, a tragedy. I hate being so useless and helpless and pathetic. I hate when people who barely know me judge me.

My mother died in May and it’s been really hard for me cause I think of her a lot and I end up crying a lot. I miss […]

I don’t get why people pick on people about things they can’t help? Do they just live to make people hate themselves?

Yes, I have crooked teeth. But don’t you think I would do something about that if I could?

Yes, I may be ugly. But how do you expect me to change that?

Most of the things you tease me about can’t be helped! So why do I let you bring me down? It’s not doing me any good..

Of all the people on my dad’s side of the family I missed talking to the the most, it was my older cousin Carson.

Carson and I used to be close as kids, when my father was part of my life. We are only two years apart and to him and I it’s always felt like nothing. He’s the closest thing I ever had to a brother, more so then my own brother even. That’s why when he decided to come down to my father’s house I didn’t think much about it, all I could wonder about was what he was going to be like now […]

Now… there isnt really anything to say anymore.No words nor emotion.Suicide… you haunt me like an ghost. Moaning and fearing me.I guess these days… there isnt really anything to talk about anymore.

I often feel alone, and cold. I always have an idea to kill myself at hand. My life just isn’t worth living to me, It’s worth living to other people. To my girlfriend, and her grandma. They’re my family in my eyes, I love them. If something were to happen to them, I would have nothing to live for. I’m in grade 9 I feel like a useless piece of Sh*t dropout and it’s all I’ll ever be. I want to go back to school next year, but it’s just so hard. I can’t stop thinking about her, about Haley. When she was here I was […]

I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN TRY ASKING FOR HELP ANYMORE, NO ONE EVER ANSWERS WHEN I CALL, CLEARLY NO ONE CARES.

why should i?

Empty. Cold. Hollow. Alone.

I walk past cracked walls
That bleed crystal tears.
Vines that twist with thorns,
Shaped by the icy winds promise,
A false comfort of numbness.

Dust and dead leaves dance in silence
Ahead as my blood pumps a rhythm hard and fast.
Silent screams echoing, reverberating past,
And a cold sweat pours down my neck.

Rusty metal arms, silhouettes, seek – surround me
I run with fervor from shadowy cages of memories past.
Footfalls echo the frenzied beating of my heart.
Walls release cruel laughter and old screams.

I crash.

The Earth shatters into glass,
Walls crumble into sand,
Spiraling into a vortex of shard and […]

I survived another day,
Empty and alone.
No one noticing anything different
As I walk through my motions.
I laugh and cry
When I’m suppose to;
Wearing my multitude of masks
Day by day smiling that smile again.

A pretty little hollow doll that seems real.

All the world is a stage and
The curtain rises with the spotlight hitting me.
I know just the right words to say
In order to survive another day on this stage.
The words required to stay sane and save face,
In a world I don’t feel like I belong.

Always playing my part well without fail.

However, when the curtain closes for […]

Feel free to IM me on aim. SynysterWays00

 

Welp, I’m really pissed off -.-

Today I was suppose to hang out with my ex and his best friend (his friend and I kinda got involved after my ex broke up with me about a year and a half ago.)

This ex? Was my first. The reason why I’m pissed off? Multiple reasons.

First; as I said I was suppose to hang with my ex and his friend we’ll name them Matt (the ex) and Kyle (the friend). Matt has promised since the summer that we broke up that we could still be friends and hang out. Since the year and a half, I’ve only seen him, […]

I wish everyone would leave me alone, I need privacy.  I don’t need my friends and family bugging me every 5 seconds because they think it will help.  I don’t need that

Twenty twenty twenty four hours ago!

I wanna be sedated.

I’ve started working out, stopped smoking and drinking. Ive tried to stop being so nitpicky with my friends and girlfriend, and it hasnt helped my depression or anger at all. I feel like exploding half the time.  I know that everyone has to do the same things in life. But what if im not ok with that.  Im so tired of no one being able to even try to understand how i see life. Im just expected to live like everyone else when I AM NOT like everyone else.  It really makes the world a dark and lonely place when you know your not alone […]

So my family went on vacation this weekend and i decided to stay behind.. My options were to go for a suicide attempt or try to make the best out of being away from my family for a change and make some fun out of it..

So i decided to make the best out of it and invite some old buddies that i knew for most of my life to stay over and have some good times n get fucked up.. Even tho i was filled with anxiety the whole time (even while having benzodiazepines in my system the whole time) i managed to enjoy myself. […]

I hate this world

I hate school(who doesnt)

I hate when people touch me(especially hugs, it makes me sick. i get somewhat close to vomiting when it happens. idk , thats just the way i am. i know, its stupid. im stupid)

I hate living

I hate this stupid worthless post

I hate every stupid worthless thing that i do

i hate my stupid worthless life

i hate everyone. everyone in the whole world(with the exception of two people)

I hate MYSELF.

-End

i didnt want to come here but it seems its the last place tht i can really just vent….i fukked up. boy, did i fukk up …. it wasnt supposed to be this way im only 17 lifes a ***** then u die i guess we’re not suppose to choose when but we can if we wanted

I will not make it to my next birthday. I have thought about it a lot, and because of my depression I will always make people miserable. I want too much in life that I know will never be real. I will always be sullen and alone. so freaking alone. the only people I could talk to, my sister and 2 other friends, just left for the week to a different city for a mission trip. I can’t stop fucking crying. or burning, but I love burning. I am truly alone. I can’t socialize because I don’t know Spanish (I’m in a foreign country), I […]