Changing, doesn’t seem so horrible. Becoming bitter, isn’t so scary anymore. It’d be nice, to not be disapointed anymore, to not be hurt as much.
i guess i stressed myself out so bad that i made myself puke today in class. not fun. i started to do some really bad things this weekend. I told my bf that i’d quit but its hard to quit something like what im doing. it makes me feel great. what to do about stress? about addiction? help????!!!!!
On April 18th, after three months with the plan, I nearly killed myself. I had my charcoal ready, but changed my mind before getting in the car with the grills. I told my parents of my plans the next day ended up spending a week in the hospital. No medication was prescribed and I left feeling ready to go on with life. I’ve been out about a week now, but earlier this evening my mind went back where it was before. I see no reason to continue. My life is good relative to that of the average person, but that doesn’t matter if life doesn’t […]
I’m tired of this life i have.
I’ve been living with roommates almost all my life.
You may think “Well, that’s no big deal”
Well, actually it is. Because my mother and i have always ended up with people who later want to take advantage of our kindness and steal from us and hurt us.
Currently living with a family that does not let us live. The guy keeps wanting to take more money off my mom even tho he knows my mom can barely pay the rent. He is charging us $400 for a closet that’s 4 feet long and 3 feet high. My mom and i can […]
No offense to the people that say “it’ll get better” or “it gets better” but I had it happen to me a few hours ago and my day has gotten much worse.
My alcoholic asshole father comes into my room starting shit and suddenly he notices my window open. He sees black stuff in it. Turns out it’s black mold (apparently). He rushes me out of the room and then argues with mom about it. They honestly blamed that on my depression <sarcasm> yes I’ve totally had that mold FOR 7 FUCKING YEARS!</sarcasm> 10 minutes of stupid shit later, I stay in another room. Dad comes […]
you knew what was going on
you knew i was hurting
you knew i was cutting
you knew i was crying
YOU KNEW!
so why didnt you care?
A SHOT to kill the pain
A PILL to drain the shame
A PURGE to stop the gain
A CUT to break the vein
A SMOKE to ease the crave
A DRINK to win the game
An addictions and addiction
because it always hurts the
SAME </3
I have spent nights with matches and knives,
leaning over ledges only two flights up.
Cutting my heart, burning my soul, nothing left to hold.
Nothing left but the blood and the fire
Today I realized that the person who is supposed to care about me most is the person who can hurt you the most.
Today is my sister’s birthday and everything was going swell until I get on the bus to come home. My sister tells me that my boyfriend was asking her questions about me. Come to find out my grandmother who is the person I live with tells my boyfriend that I only want to use him for his money. I come home and she acts like nothing ever happened. She didn’t even acknowledge the fact I was crying or the fact that I never […]
I’m on a sinking ship, and I didn’t even realize it until most of it was under water. The worst part, I don’t know how to swim. I don’t know how to save myself, nor if I’m worth saving.
Empty frames on the floor
there’s nothing left to prove who I was before.
I’ll burn the pictures before I leave
and wipe my prints off from the scene,
The embers will help me to grieve.
I need a drink to take, to take me through the day
Sometimes I lie awake and think of my mistakes.
Was there ever a time we weren’t dying
and I wasn’t lying?
I know I fucked up the last two years of your life.
Empty boxes by the door, I’m throwing out all
the clothes that I once wore.
They just don’t seem to fit my shape right now.
My […]
Okay, so me and my ex(the one you guys all have been hearing about!) are trying to remain friends… We’ve been doing okayish but it’s so hard for me to accept the face that he .. doesn’t love me. Today he informed me that he was… well of something personal and I didn’t know what to say back.. I had to comment on it though and I said, “Do you usually let your friends know?”. I don’t know if he told me to make me feel like shit because we aren’t together anymore or what… I felt like crying when he said it too… On […]
To start off every day I feel worse and worse. Depression is eating away at me and meds are not helping. I was considering killing myself soon but I dunno… I was also hoping to become a therapist or a writer maybe if I live… I just want to know that some1 is out there who cares…
i stop on here everyday to make sure im still seeing the names i no making sure people are still here. I hope this site helps people i wanted to die but things are starting to fall in place for me my birthday is in a week and i have plans for the bruno mars concert and an indians game. Im very excited and i just got a raise and promotion and my sisters living with me again so im just very happy right now. i still have bad thoughts but i feel like things are starting to look up and i hope things do […]
Can’t people see the pain that we’re in? I don’t know about some of you but I just can’t stop crying. I’ll be on the train or on the bus or even sometimes in a lecture and I’ll just cry. And it feels like no one can see me or the pain.
I try and protect my mum from knowing what I’m  going through but shouldn’t she be able to tell that a little bit of me is dying everyday when I make the effort to get out of bed? And why is it when you ask for help, no one is willing to help you? […]
I feel better having chosen the time and place. I’ve had enough – I want out.
Time for action.
See my blog:
http://amaranth-parallelreality.blogspot.com/
For the Helium hood method to work with the “Balloon Time” Helium tank I found at my local party store, Â I read in The Final Exit that i need:
1) Plastic Tubing 2.1m with soft connectors.
2) Quick Release air-line fitting.
3) Gas jet regulator.
Does anyone know where I can find the correct parts? That will work with the Balloon Time party kit. Links to Amazon or Lowes/Home Depot would be greatly appreciated.
To anyone who knows of me / remembers me, I’m unfortunatly still here. I’ve barely eaten in about 2 weeks now bar a biscuit or two which made me feel completely sick.
I’ve taken to deeper cutting now, preffering to get a knife whenever I can and go real deep rather than just slash a little with scissors or like.. watching the inital cut and the blood flow just does something nothing else can do.
I had a bad session with my counselld or the other week which left me completely confused and I’m still in that confused state now. ‘do I want to die? what if […]
I’ve reached the end. My life hasn’t been completely miserable, but I have made plenty of mistakes and I have had many misfortunes. I can no longer endure the loneliness and the hopelessness. I can no longer cope with this world. I have reached the end.
Many will miss me. I love them all dearly. I wish I could tell them how much I love them. They will not understand and that saddens me even more. How can I say goodbye?