hi im 17 and i want to kill myself im just tired of existing the only reason i havent thus far is because my sister is getting married in a few months and so if i were to kill myself now it would probably ruin her wedding and her marriage, and she really loves her fiance but i dont think they would be able to last through me commiting suicide so i hav decided to wait 6 months if i can find a temporary solution to my problem (being miserable every concious second) until my sister has atleast been married for a few months. the […]
I haven’t seen of you in over a week and i don’t know if you’re still there but i wish i could let you know that i think you’re such a great, pure soul and i enjoyed the time you spared for me unlike any other, it gave me so much strength.
I just hope that you’ll find peace somewhere and that someday we’ll meet again…
Hey folks,
I think about you guys all the time. I wish I could be here all the time to just talk to you and love you and help any way I can. But I’ve been getting really tired and sometimes my anxiety acts up. But just know I’m praying for you and if you ever need someone to talk to I check my email about a million times a day (carin@uoguelph.ca) and I’m often on MSN at that address or on AIM at yoursemaphore. I’d love to chat with any of you if you’re feeling down and just need a friend.
In the meantime, I found […]
I never expected this much heart ache. I knew for quite some time that the man i once loved left my life long before he actually spoke the words. I was prepared and ready for the effect. To my astonishment it wasn’t as painful as i thought itd be, all im experiencing now is the grief of losing a past love. He wasn’t who i loved for many months, and so i accepted this opportunity gracefully. That was 1 month ago, now i am truly ready to experience the greater wonders of life. “Each love is greater than the last” hopefully this quote will be […]
It’s broken
Are you happy?
I can’t get another
I’m not that strong
We went from love
To disregard
What’s next?
Hate?
Distrust?
Or is it us splitting
And my death coming soon after?
Is it us working this out and facing my demons?
Or you watching me destroy myself with a look of nonchalant?
Do you even know how it happened?
Me neither
But after the wreck of my life
Joining up with my thoughts
Why doesn’t matter
All that matters is how
How to end it
How to forget it
How to leave
How to not go crazy
How but again we have no answer
Life seems absolutely impossible and unbearably pointless. I struggle with depression, anorexia, self harm, etc. I’m constantly stuck in this endless cycle. My mood starts to drop, then I start restricting as it gives me some sense of control and relief then once my health starts going down the drain people start taking that control away and I end up in hospital on a feeding tube and iv. And that’s when I realize that I have no choice but to eat otherwise I’ll be living in hospitals. THEN once I start to eat and begin gaining weight, my mood reeeally drops and I basically just […]
I’m not someone who believes in miracles, but there has to be a miracle. How else is it that I am here? That I still live? Despite my attempts, here I am. Typing this up right now. I have a few things to say. Miracles aren’t for girls like me. The girls who see nothing but darkness in life, they are for those who truly need them. Who am I to take their miracles away? Yet someone, who I’ll never truly understand has a plan for me.
I’ve been raped, molested, and abused all my life. And now, I’m going to put it behind me. I […]
Let’s play a game
Where you pretend to care
But don’t see my hurt
And where I act like you not caring
Doesn’t hurt me at all
Where all my pain is hidden
And you just can’t seem to find it
Let’s play a game
Where I wait for you to give up
And you don’t give the help I need
Where every day I’m screaming just for you to save me
But you don’t hear me
Where you don’t come to my side
As I’m weakening to the thoughts
Let’s play a game
I’m refusing to medicate these days. Things are going well and I’ve been substituting with exercise.
Everyone applauds me on getting in shape and using exercise the way “normal” people do to motivate themselves.
I try not to judge those who’d dare even use the word normal in such context, but it’s hard.
I have a new girlfriend. My family is proud of me and my friends are thrilled to see me again.
So why does the pain come back? I’ve found things I love and I still find myself waiting around to die. I won’t go back to cutting. I look at the old scars and it weakens […]
My bodies the canvas
My eyes hold my paint
All the pain is too much for me
And her love is fading with the stars in the morning
The razors still sharp enough
The fire hot enough
The pills will hold the focus of death
The alcohol holds the wish for release
Together they herald death
Apart they mock it
Life can be long
Or end short
But the constant is it ends
And I decide when
And right now as your scream
I contemplate when I’ll go
You think I’m fine
But after tonight
No one will think of me
to Rocky, I don’t know if you’re alive but I’m gonna miss you regaurdless. you always were just incredible in general. you are the greatest guy I’ve ever known and I’m gonna miss your radical comments. do good friend.
To Justathought, I don’t know what’s happening with you, but I can’t stay here any longer. no I’m not dying. I’m moving on, and I wish more than anything that you could have my place, but that’s not in my power. I Love you, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had in life. I’ll try and visit every so often, and Justathought, I will always be praying […]
i dont have it too bad. my parents care about me, i have a girlfriend who i get along with, and a friend who i do lots of stuff with. tho recently me and my girlfriend seem to be growing apart, and shes the only reason i still live, and i totaled my car yesterday. for a while the thoughts went away but now, i have a suicide kit ready, that involves alcohol, a razer blade and around 70 ibuprofen. if i get to get some i may also get a lighter, a fresh razer and sleeping pills. but why do i still want to […]
If I write your name on my hands, it’ll wash away…
If I tattoo your name on my neck, the bite marks, your teeth… will rip it awayÂ
If I cut your name into my wrists, the scars will fade away…
But today…
Today I have the perfect wayÂ
To keep you here with meÂ
I’ll rip out my still beating heart, and on it carved, your name is there to stay…Â
In all its gore and gloryÂ
So here I am…
This is what heaven must be like
Or is it hell?
Everything I am, layed out for you to see…
The blood in my veins, swimming on the table
I cut open my chest, layed aside flesh and bone…
And what do we find, within the walls of my chest cavity?
No perfect red heart, rosy and full…
Nothing stitched, nothing battered..
Nothing not at allÂ
I need a savior 🙁
I need a life
I need a razor blade
Everything is falling apart. I want to die and that’s all I want. Please someone shoot me
For cutters,
When you cut, do you ever black out and not realise what’s going on until you “snap” out?
I started taking Iron, B-12 and a multi-vitamin about two weeks ago and I actually feel alot happier and healthier. I’m not happy 100% of the time but I’m a whole lot happier than before. I just wanted to put that out there if someone wanted to try it. Might work for you too! I’ve also started to tell myself to let the little things go and that’s helping too.
Good luck to all
My sister died couple of years back because of a road accident..I still miss her..sometimes it hits me so hard she is not here that i can’t breathe..my relationship with my parents changed after that..they keep on talking that she was very good and i am so lacking in everything that she had..i feel depressed half the time..i dont even feel like talking to my friends anymore..everything feels useless..i cant even kill myself ..i love my parents..maybe they are disappointed with me..but i love them..if i kill myself i dont know how bad they will take it..I feel trapped..
i cant take it anymore! every time i get my life back on track everything falls apart.. well not this time.
 iv tried too hard for too long and theres a point where theres no point in continuing and im well past that point. the only reason im posting this is because i dont want attention from friends or family or anyone for that matter and its not like anyones gunna read this anyway. im sorry if anyone does read this that i know, i know iv hurt you but your stronger than i am and youll recover just like i did all those times.
this time […]