I was planning on overdosing tonight..

All relying on you, the love of my life, texting me back..

You didn’t.

I’m gonna try to overdose.

I’m gonna write my suicide note and everything.

And if all else fails.

I will write on this website to let you all know, that I’m still on this dreadful planet Earth.

Dear All
I am posting this one-off message for you in the hope that it might strike a chord with someone and prove to be of some help. There is a lady called Althea Hayton in the UK who has researched for many years into a phenomenon she calls ‘Womb Twins’ (also known as Twinless Twins). These are people who had either a twin or multiple who died in the womb or at birth. The death of a twin, even at an early stage of development (several weeks into the pregnancy) has been linked to profound feelings of despair and wanting to […]

I know I am one lonely fuck but I wish out of the blue I could fall in love before I die. I think I did nearly five years ago and have been alone since. I know this all sounds a bit soppy and cliched and desperate(probably because it is) but I keep dreaming of it time and time again. If only it could happen to any of us on this site then we’d surely have somethign to live for?
Then there is that saying from the bible which says man will recieve death when he least wants it and when he prays for death […]

I just checked my Dashboard before I created the very recent new topic,
and I noticed right away that it is written there “2 New Reports” in red color.

My questions:
1. Does anybody here know what does this mean? this seems to be bothersome
2. If it’s truly like what I suspected,..could it mean somebody (well, two people) were “reporting” some of my posts, comments, or threads to be “offensive”? or, was it automatically-generated somehow?..
3. and if it’s true that somebody found some of my posts perhaps offensive to him/her, then could you please kindly point to me which post/comment is that?..because I would […]

I kept seeing movies and artworks like The Matrix, Avatar, Trons, Paprika (a 2006 anime, you guys have to really google youtube the trailer to know what I mean!), even from video games such as Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc
and then suddenly I ponder and saying to myself wow, all these humans’ creations & imaginations are really really fantastic and mind-blowing, that I wish they would be the real heaven, instead of the biblical heaven!
I mean gosh..it seems to me that the idea of biblical heaven seems to be: gold pavements (ew, boring), playing harp in eternity with God (ew, boring boring), and […]

So today I found out that not only has my mum attempted suicide (I knew this already) but to add I find out my dad has also attempted.. this was only a few years ago aswell. I guess these things run in the family.

That’s all I can say. Fuck life and fuck everything. Fuck trust, fuck truth, fuck honesty. I walk in today to my counselling appointment which I asked for, since I needed to speak. I needed to unload so maybe just maybe I could feel some pain, because cutting or sitting alone just felt so empty. I walk in, and not only have they invited a second counsellor to “assess me”, they’ve invited my parents.

But no, it’s okay, I can talk alone first with just the counsellors. I burst into tears, they barely even fucking ask. Just start going on about urges, risk and their responsibility […]

fucked up.

friend of mine said ew to a band I like, I said say that again, they said it again so I appeared offline as a joke, now they seem like I hurt them.

hah, my nature I guess.

Before I Die  i just want my family to be proud of who i was to know that i love them and i might not show it so well all the time with my blank expressions i do love them. I just want to know that i wasnt an embarrassment that i was a good person and did great things for others. I want to know that im not going to leave any unfinished business. I want to know i made the right choices and I did the right things. I want to know its my time. So hopefully i can know everything before i […]

For anyone that knows of Maeliin, there is some trouble with parents, and the internet has been shut off. I was asked to let you all know that Maeliin is still currently with us, unfortunatly contemplating it today or tomorrow.. but may not be able to come on SP for a while, or anymore.

Is there anyone who is from New Zealand? I’m a female, in Auckland.

Woke up early, went with BF to his work, was planning to hang with someone but that gotten changed because of other issues, (weather and plans I think.) hung around at BF’s work longer than I thought we would because he had to wait for stuffs. Went out and about to phone places (on the way back home), and we went to Kroger to shop for some food, for once I didn’t break the bank. LOL Had two bean/cheese burritos, was so hungry, even after having a double cheese burger, and oh yeah, I had my own version of spaghetti minus sauce and add […]

Fuck my life. Fuck everything. What’s the point of living with no happiness. I care about nothing. I love nothing. The things that do make me happy are only temporary. Drumming. Music. Food. Yep. That about sums it up. Are those three things worth living for. I think not. So fuck it. Why don’t I just call it quits right now. Put the gun to my head and pull the fucking trigger. You think I wont do it. You think I wont go through with it. Try me. I fucking dare you. The only thing that’s stopping me is not having the gun. I guess […]

In about 2 weeks im about to have my spleen removed. It is about 3 times its normal size, crushing my stomach so I barely eat, leaves me in a lot of pain, and makes it hard to get up and go to work. I got pulled over for speeding and based on my appearance, the sherrif made me get out for a sobriety test. I told him I’ve been on perks viks and OC for over a year and take each one depending on the pain level. Also that the illness has left me week and unstable. Throughout my […]

So…. here I am, and I guess if you want read the rest of this…

Since I was really young, I think maybe I had ADD or something.  I couldn’t focus and I was never aware of what was going on around me.  It affected school but not to a point where I was ever failing, but maybe more in my social relationships.

I didn’t have friends, ever.  Most of the time other kids teased me, especially older children, and I typically felt lonely and depressed then too.  Even in third grade I can remember seeing these two girls, best friends, who I tried to hang out […]

took somee pills and drank some wine

i really want to end my life tonight

lol

I was driving home today and all I wanted to do was floor it, go as fast as I could and crash in to anything and die. What is wrong with me…..

I fell today. Fell off the ladder I’ve been climbing up the past few weeks. I thought I might break today, but it seems I’ve only been cracked. Hoping someone will come by so, I can help myself up. And maybe I can be of help too…

I have a good home life, I have money, a home, my mom doesn’t beat me half to death every night. But, I’ve led a very sheltered life. I’ve never gone on a road trip, I’ve never camped out, I’ve never had a really great night that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I know, I have long time to make those great nights, but, I’m fifteen, shouldn’t I already have something to remember?

I’m not special, I don’t know any instruments, sure I can draw alright, but that’s not something that I can just do right here right now.

I’ve talked people out […]