I hate life so fucking much. I hate everything. I want to die so much, I want to hurt, I want the shit beaten out of me, I want to have reasons for wanting to kill myself but I have none, and I have like, two friends left after The Betrayal.
But i cant do it.
I cant kill myself, Im afraid, not of death itself, but leaving oppurtunities.
I want first love, first kiss, first time, I want to see my little cousins grow up with me there.
But I hate life.
I have a house, food, clothes, family, all that you basically need.

Am I going insane or has it happened already? I wonder why I thought there would be some indication as to whether I could say I was sane or not? I have the feeling that asking myself such a question is useless, because sanity is socially constructed.

Years ago I had this problem: I would wake up every morning and immediately regret it. My first thought was that I should be dead, that my life was going nowhere and I was a piece of s**t. This went on for a year before I decided to get help in the form of Zoloft and therapy. The Zoloft […]

I just can’t get this feeling that I need to tell someone everything… For me, this is as close as I’ll ever get… I’m sorry if it takes a little while to explain everything, but this is also me trying to sort everything out as well as tell.

I’m trapped in my own head… I have three different “me”s inside my mind, all yelling and screaming and fighting to get out. Every day I have to face it–how can I not, when it’s myself that’s turned against me? And every day I’m drifting farther and farther from sanity, safety, and all my loved ones, because I […]

Who gets ahead? Who benefits? The ruthless, the heartless, the cutthroat. That’s who. But some of us were cursed with virtues like being hyper-sensitive to adversity and gullible enough to buy the new age bullshit that says having a heart is the way to contentment. What the hell is the point of any of it? Why the fuck am I here? Others say oh, you must give your life a purpose. Why must I do this? If that’s the case then I am my own God. I make the rules. But I’m one of those who was too […]

What the hell am I supposed to do now? I want someone to kill me. I want to kill myself. I don’t care what happens. I just want to die. I would be happy if I could leave this earth. I hate it here. I hate my life. I hate myself. The only thing stoping me is the thought of anything going wrong. I have tried to kill myself before, but nothing happened. I learned some about trying to bleed to death…you always stop bleeding after a while. I don’t want them to judge me because of my decisions. But I know that won’t happen. […]

I’m so tired of my family making  me feel like a freak for wanting to be alone. The other day my mom was asking me about why I don’t have a bf. I told her it’s because I just don’t want one.  So then she goes into telling me how I’m 18 and that’s not normal and she goes up to my dad  like “What’s wrong with her?” etc.  She doesn’t understand that with SA/AvPD it’s really really really hard for me to talk to anyone and I feel I guess…safer when I’m alone.  I don’t have to feel bad and depressed about the way […]

I often get depressive mood swings, then angry ones then sometimes ‘hyper’ ones. Sometimes they last a for quite a while sometimes they are much shorter. I’m forgetting a-lot of things that I have done in the past few days. I’m only 15 please help me I’m not sure what is going wrong or if it’s all just in my head or if it’s an illness. I’m scared.

So, on saturday i planned on coming out to my parents. I am bisexual and was going to tell them finally. but i dont even know if should now. They have been ignoring me so much. When i try talking to them they just pretend to listen. My mom loves her grandkids more then me. and me and my brother both know she favors my sister. I am so sick of it. I hate my family. I mean everyone. they all talk about me behind my back because i’m always dressing up in black and listen to screamo. I think its pathetic. And when my […]

ive tried to be heard but they dont hear me anymore. not that they ever did but once they used to try to listen. so is there anybody else that just needs to talk or something? i cant force myself to be strong enough to finally end this so until i can if anybody wants to talk email me —–> katelovesjosh@yahoo.com

little depends on the girl

in a tattered

white dress

standing at the edge

of the shadows

 

she cries

silent

tears as she waits

in the darkness,

the whisper whisper whisper of trees

and the buzz buzz of voices

around her

 

she screams

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

but the voices keep

yelling

and

fighting

they never

STOP

Well, today is thanksgiving…And I just feel….miserable.

My parents have told me so many times that I should be thankful for having such a “great family” like them, but the words will never come out of my mouth. Thanksgiving is a holiday where people show they are thankful for people, things, lives, etc. In my opinion, some people take things for granted. Think about someone in your life who has everything they want, for me, it would be my cousin. She has a wonderful life; the perfect parents, all the food she can eat, and so much more. But she just turns to her parents and asks […]

so; i’m about to tell my whole life story to a bunch of people i dont know. thats a good start. shows i have no one else to talk to. no family no friends. no. no one. well i do have friends and family. but they wouldnt understand.
so im 14. yes you will probarbly critisize me, maybe call me a drama queen for wanting to end my life, but i’m not just your average teenage girl. im different. i’m suffering.
when i was 4 my dad left me, my younger brother and my mum and i didnt see him for 7 years, then he […]

I saw this on facebook today and wanted to share it. For those of you who haven’t checked out To Write Love On Her Arms, I encourage you to do so. They’ve helped me through so much. You’ll find community there.

A Thanksgiving Blog (for people who suck at Thanksgiving).
by To Write Love On Her Arms. on Thursday, November 25, 2010 at 12:00pm

The idea of a day where we reflect on the things we’re thankful for sounds easy enough. If you’re reading this, you’re probably reading it on a computer, which means you probably have a lot to be thankful for.

i’m writing this on […]

I’m not feeling good recently.. please allow me to share my current situation for you to read:
I feel like a failure, confused, and that nothing I’m doing is ever good (especially to my parents’ eyes).

What will you do in that situation?
especially when I’m 28 yrs old, and I’m still living with my parents, now still jobless (funnily because of my own stubborn idealism of getting out from the 7-years work you hate), still single (where you’re traditionally expected to already got married at 26, and now already have a baby), and constantly getting nagged and asked and even […]

m 14 hate my life
hate my parents, brother, school and town
no end in sight
whats the best way to do it?

This really is one of the worst holidays.

My family is all into Thanksgiving. Making the casseroles and the turkey and the pies and the sweet potatoes and bringing out the apple cider. We make all this food, sit around my aunt’s dining room table, and take turns saying what we’re thankful for.

I don’t know what to say. I never know what to say. I’m supposed to sit there and say thank you to God, for what? Life, love, family, friends?

I’m sorry, what are those again??

That’s the thing about being depressed. You feel so alone all the time. No friends, no family, no love, no life. […]

Peace

Peace I used to feel,
in my childhood bed,
surrounded by safety and love,
snuggled under the blanket.

Peace slipped away,
a father afraid of my mind,
a mother afraid of my pain,
a brother cruel and forever favoured.

Peace was swallowed up;
betrayal, mocking,
bullying, cruelty
– peace stood no chance.

Peace I longed for,
the peace of never feeling pain again,
never waking up again.
The peace of DEATH.

Peace came back to visit,
a therapist who understood,
a man who told me I was special,
two beautiful baby boys grown miraculously from my body,
and nourished with love on my breast.

Peace slipped away,
a husband’s cruel […]

I’m a fourteen year old girl with bipolar genes running through my veins. Since I lost my firt kiss BF a few years agao, I’ve never been truly happy. No guy has patched my heart, and most my friends are depressive to. My bestie, boyfriend and I all cut. I am bisexual too, I have a major crush on two of my best friends, and highschool sucks. I always get a’s, but this year I have c’s and b’s. I cry more often now than ever, I write emo poems and gothic pictures constantly. People always talk about me, in a bad way. They glare […]

now that i’ve said “i know the feeling” more times than i can count…i thought i’d share my story.

i originally stumbled across this site because i was tired of trying to make sense of life and like so many others, came here looking for advice on what to do. after reading through some of the stories, i realized i wasn’t alone. so many other people were feeling the same as i was. i wasn’t alone.

my grandmother died on grandparents day when i was younger, which i took very hard. at the time, i was the only grandchild. for so long, whenever she was sick, my […]

i will never be free from this hell… free from myself. the pit is deep and im at the bottom. i long for help but pride keeps me from asking. so i wallow in the peace i find in the most base and depraved of places. my rage binds me to my sins. they hold me down, where the monster of my conscience reminds me I AM NOTHING! i scream, for deliverance and beg for forgivness only when i am sure NO ONE IS LISTENING! so the lies carry over. my spirit remains bitter. the flames of dispair unquenched and the pain of […]