I don’t think i’m supposed to feel this way. I’m only a fourteen year old girl, and i already hate life. So much has happened to me in the last two, maybe three years. And i don’t mean physically, i mean emotionally.

I guess it all started in seventh grade. I fell in love. I really did, and still am. I fell in love with this guy before i even knew his name! But of course, he never noticed me. In eighth grade, one of his close friends found out i liked him. So she decided to tell him. He thought it was cool i liked him, […]

If i do eventually end up killing myself, what will happen.

Is there an afterlife? Heaven, hell?

I want to know that if i kill myself, i won’t just fade out of existence.

I spent time in an adult crisis unit after a suicide attempt. My doctor tried to avoid the hospital. I got out this last Friday. Since I came home, not one of my friends have asked me how I’m doing. Maybe I’m selfish, but I just want someone to ask. I can’t keep doing this by myself, and no one cares. I’m not upset with them, though. I’m such a burden to them, and I don’t want to be anymore. I don’t blame them for being scared of me, because I wouldn’t know what to say to me, either.

While I was there and demanding to […]

They really should legalize it >_>

hey everyone.

i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.

there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.

the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.

if you’d like to talk about Him or […]

I’m so lost in my mind i don’t know what to do any more dude, my thought’s are literally eating me alive. I just got out of the Pych ward at the hospital after being in there for 72 hour’s, I just dont really feel like it helped me much at all. I wish i could feel the way i did when i was on my anti-depressent’s all the time, but its not realistic i cant take drugs for the rest of my life, so i need to just deal with it i guess, but this is the most discusting feeling ever and i  dont […]

This is the first time I can talk about the crap in my life and feel candid about it.

The first time I can talk without someone jumping in and telling me how worse their life is than mine… and that if they can deal with their shit, then I should be able to deal with mine.

Wow… don’t I feel so much better after that.  I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about.

I’m turning 41 early december, and I think my life is pretty much finished.  I don’t see the point of continuing.  If it wasn’t for the fact that my father is still alive […]

I often try to endure all the pain that I’m facing by putting on a smile and laughing happily even though the jokes ain’t really that funny, gosh I feel like a hipocrite. Im a popular girl, I have many friends…however am always traumatized by the past events of my childhood. When I was a kid, I was bullied for the way I look, every single day I was bullied in school, and since then I have low self esteem. I’m really very sensitive and understanding, that’s due to my past and my nature. I have a very strong sense of unhappiness though maybe thats […]

How can this be real
When I can barely feel
The love you claim to have for me
The hate instead you show to me

You know that I love you and how much I care
Yet constantly question if I want you there
Drowning in apathy we both seem to leak
The deeper we go the less we will speak

I can’t hear your voice but give me your hand
Together I know that we can withstand
10 feet under you’re getting colder
Hand in hand, your head on my shoulder

We’ve hit the bottom, our pulses slow
As life escapes us I need you to know

As title says it all.
If I don’t get myself enough numb for such pain and hurt I’ll be gone forever. I’m sure I’ll be alive for a while, I’ll manage and have felt the worst so I’m pretty sure I can handle it for a bit more. Even though if I can’t, I won’t think about it twice, I’ll just do it. I’m so tired of feeling this hurt in my mind, and feel enough pain in my soul too. I’ve heard that “The one that has felt pain, will gain stregth”. But I do not believe I’ve gained enough stregth, eventually I’m losing […]

There’s something in the Bible about not killing yourself to make up for something, for that’s what Judas did, and apparently he is in hell. And while I believe hell is a myth to keep the masses in line, the doubt of just about everything is frightening.

I hate everything about my life. I hate all the people I know. I am trying to make new friends. Everyone I know disappoints and flakes, there’s so much of that going around today. And to make things worse, people are unapologetic about being dicks. I am just so tired of it. I […]

Wow,

Dual Kim (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/southkorea/6623848/Daul-Kim-model-had-become-fed-up-with-work.html), she really had the guts I wish I had. Regardless of what false images of success she may have come across, she saw through the garbage and realized that life and the world still rejected her as it does to so many of the rest of us. Bless her for her courage. I can only hope to have the guts she has to do what must be done one day soon.

This is a real entry from my journal. I wanted someone to know what happened, because I can’t even talk to my friends about it. Friends… Someone, surely, is reading if I post it, so someone knows. I know it’s long, but… I’m not thinking too clearly. So… Well, the journal will tell you what happened. I was so upset at the time, so the wording is a little messy.

Friday, November 20, 2009
Dear Diary,
I’ve never been so angry in my life. I don’t even know what to say except that I’m going home. Right now. I’m sorry my writing is so messy, but […]

hey everyone.

i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.

there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.

the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.

if you’d like to talk about Him or […]

I don’t know you, but I want to help you. To all of you out there who need help, or want someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I’m not one of those people who act like doctor Phil and tell you everything will turn out great, so sorry if that’s what you’re looking for. I just mean that I have my own issues, and maybe if you can relate, it would be easier to talk to me rather than some Dr.Phil.

PerfectStranger-@live.com

Here is my story, short and sweet.

I have been plagued recently with a lot of downfall in the most terrible ways. I am sick, and […]

I always get so awkward over this stuff. I mean, I hear people talking about it all the time; about how they‘re completely and utterly fucked up and how things are just so damn awful. Generally I’m the one to seek them out, cheer them all up, and set them back on track. But I bet it would be quite a shock to them if they ever knew that the constantly bubbly Jessica, is really a lost and self-hating girl.

I’m pretty sure it all started about 12 years ago when my father died. The body had been put on display, and me being an unknowing […]

I’m almost 17 years old, but I feel as if I’m already coming close to the end of my existence. I can’t exactly pinpoint an exact moment that I started feeling this way, so I guess I should just start from the beginning.

When I was young my father was very abusive to my mother. He was an alcoholic, she was a holy roller. She felt as if she could fix him. You can’t polish shit. I remember being very very young and watching him beat her to the ground. This continued on until they divorced the day before my 9th birthday. Most kids are really […]

My time on earth will most likely be ending sooner than I had originally planned. I don’t want to hurt my family, but I am not able to go on any longer. I don’t think this is a selfish move; I believe it’s a gift… A gift not only to my family, but a gift to the world. I am too ill to contribute anything. I feel very unwanted, and unloved. Life feels false.
I hope I return to a place where I can feel love and happiness. I have learned a great deal during my lifetime…
I don’t take any of the lessons I […]

Well 30 years…..i allways thought i would never make it to 30yrs. old well i did maybe i was not supposed to make it past 30 cause shortly after i finish this i will be gone.sorry cant go into it further my girlfriend wants me to get off the computer and leave but jokes on her.to the 6 people i love Nathan Gio Trinity Chloe Mom and Denise sorry but its just in the cards for me please know u are way better off without me please take care of each other. Now Dad Debra Destiny FUCK YOU I can only hope with all […]