ok well i am just going to say what is going on so perhaps someone can tell me what to do because the only thing i can think of to do is stop taking my morphine and dilaudid save them up and then take all of them at once so i dont have to deal with this crap anymore. I am 31 i have lived with AIDS since i was 18, but my life was a living hell before that. i will start at the begining.
When i was younger i knew i was attracted to other guys i did not know what this meant. […]
I was raised in a nice household with a nice family. I’ve always had nice things, things that people say will make them happy. I despise it all. I can’t stand the sight of myself, I hate this all. I don’t know why I can’t be happy. I don’t know why no matter how many medications or therapy sessions I go through, I feel no different. I claim to believe in love, yet I am not so sure why. My girlfriend is the most wonderful thing in my life along with my friends, but love seems to have nothing to do with it. Sure, I […]
if i were to take my life, who would miss me?
i want to die. i cant do it. not yet. i cant let my brother alone with a dead girl? right?
Fuck altruism and fuck the ontological abstractions of sin. There is no such thing as a moral absolute and any attempt to apply ‘ought’ to anything ends in failure of logic.
We can speak of what IS. ‘Ought,’ however, is entirely subjective. No person has the right to dictate what ‘ought’ to be to another person. Being ‘selfish’ is fine. There’s nothing wrong with it.
hey everyone.
i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.
there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.
the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.
if you’d like to talk about Him or […]
i hate it, i hate thinking about killing myself. i feel stupid and selfish. i feel like im going insane. and i hate it because i really dont have a bad life. i just feel selfish because im taking life for granted and i dont want to die. i think about it a lot. i think about death and i always have bad scenerios in my head of how i could die or how i could do it. and the saddest thing about it, is that i do it most when i cant handle things. i do it most when i feel stupid and ashamed […]
I wrote this four days ago.
……………….I’m not sure why I have let myself be trapped in this horrible body for so long. Maybe I just need to let go of those small emotional attachments so I can finally get out of this body. I’ve said before that I am not ugly, this is actually not true, I was being nice/lying to myself. I am ugly in many physical ways. My huge head and fat face, my small hands and arms, my awkwardly broad frame, my terrible skin, my stupid stupid sounding voice (my voice makes me sound like a total fucking idiot who is […]
Suicide. I suppose it’s something I’ve battled with since I was about 12 years old. I was separated from both of my parents after both of them went to prison. I had a very difficult time coping with the break-up of my family. I went into my grandmothers medicine cabinet after she went to sleep and took 12 tylenol p.m. I thought to my self, I’ll be just like Elvis or Marilyn Monroe I just wont wake up tomorrow. I awoke and was surprised to still be alive.
The next time I attempted suicide I was 21 and lost a close friend. I was in […]
Today I called my college and dropped out of one of my classes. I talked with my parents about this and they fully support my decision. After my dad and I talked about this, he took me off to the side and told me, “You seem to be going down hill again… Do you want to talk about it?”
I said, “No. You just wouldn’t understand.”
Then my dad said, “Please talk to me Katie.”
I turned and look at him and said, “Justin (my boyfriend of 7years) and I are on a […]
I am obsessed with suicide. I tend to get obsessed with things until I solve them, or find something new to be obsessed with.
And I kind of want to do it.
I have been thinking of killing myself for over a year, every day. Theres the odd exception, like the week I went back to uni, because there was a lot going on.
The problem is, I’m not sure what to live for. I don’t really understand why anybody stays alive.
I kind of feel like nothing I do will be of any significance, drawing the graphic novel I want to draw, completing my medical degree, […]
There s lonliness in the echo, of a distant bell s chime, the true living dead,like the halting of time. Alone in a crowd, such a slow dismal life, filled with thoughts of abandon, of terror and strife. Oh where is my path?,please show me my light, take me from this darkness, this black pitch of night. I want to be happy, i want to be loved, take away my dilemma, of being pushed ,pulled and shoved.I ve love to be offered, but accepted by whom, there are so many hearts but for me there s no room. Have i left it too late, to […]
right now my life consists of mounds of college homework, working 20 to 40 hours per week, family, and a 7 year relationship with my boyfriend. I have already been diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, and ptsd post traumatic stress disorder). So even though I went through therapy and atayed in the hospital for weeks on end against my will because i tried commiting suicide and not to mention i am currently on meds, i am still terribly depressed and anxious. I don’t know what to do anymore. it seems like once i’m doing good and am happy for a short period of time.. […]
Here is more of the stuff I have written recently about why I constantly think about killing myself.
Living to survive, surviving to live. LIVE TO MAKE MONEY SO YOU CAN SURVIVE….AND MAKE MONEY.
For me personally, I see no value for me to continue to survive just so I can keep surviving. I also don’t see why I (or anyone) should have to dedicate my life (majority of waking hours) to continue run on a treadmill (a job) just so I can make money so I can continue to survive for the sake of surviving when I have no real reason to continue to survive […]
After my first attempt, someone told me that something like 75% of people that attempt suicide and fail will attempt again and by successful. Now I am sitting here alone in my room, already have made my plan and I can’t get that statistic out of my head. But honestly I can’t seem to get anything out of my head these days.
I’m not sure if I want to go into my “reasons” for doing this because after psychiatric counseling, mental wards, rehabs, and etc, I’ve realized there is no point in trying to explain a reason. I’ve been told there is no reason. Suicide is […]
I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t think I deserve to be on this page with everyone else’s sorry little sob stories. My life is not as fucked up as yours. I do not have as much pain and agony in my memory sacks. I haven’t been divorced, cheated on, abused. I’ve suffered no major deaths, no traumatic incidents. I cut, but only a little and never dangerously. I feel alone, but I know everyone loves me. Really I just feel I should be happy and cheerful… But I’m not.
Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I just want something to be […]
hey everyone.
i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.
there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.
the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.
if you’d like to talk about Him or […]
I am in my late seventies and 13 yrs ago my children’s father committed suicide, three years later I lost  my second husband, the year after my sister in law, the year after, my mother, the year after a girlfriend of my daughter whom I treated like a daughter, the year after my other sister in law, 2 years later my childhood girl friend (all these people through one kind of cancer or another and last year another childhood girlfriend from a heart attack. It’s been a succession of mourning without stop. Then since I had divorced my children’s father (long story) my children blame me for his suicide, and […]
Hi. I am going to start posting some stuff that I have wrote in the past several months about how I feel and why I feel this way. Here is the first piece of the puzzle that I am going to post here, one of the oldest.
I am a white male in my early twenties and I will likely live a short a life, mostly because very undesirable body and within that, my small hands and arms, bad teeth, huge head, bad stretch marks, fat belly, and my small and crooked penis; Its is roughly 4.8in by 4.8in. Besides this I am ugly but not […]
i may appear all smiles but thats how well i hide my pain
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life is so fucking hard.but without life what is there? i mean could u imagine absolutely nothing. i mean nothing. no life no air no water or rain no heat no cold. i mean what happens when the world comes to an end? what will become of anything. i cant imagine. anyway to go off topic, what i realized about majority of these posts is us suicidals are smart as shyt. the shyt we […]