1 Corinthians 13:1-10,13 NKJV
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as a sounding brass or a tingling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge; and though I have all faith that I can remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestowed all my goods to feed the poor and give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love suffers long and is kind,
Love does not envy,
Love does not boast of itself; […]

Yesterday i tried kill myself. i took a bunch of sleeping pills and went to sleep. the only hope i had was never wake up again.

Unfortunately, this morning i woke up with my dad bashing the door saying as late for work. when i up the door, even if i was a little groggy i saw that my daddy was really desperated and had started to cry.

I feel sad about him, he is a really good father and tries his best, but i wont wont be able to continue.

next time i try i know that the pills aren’t enough, ill ill  to cut my wrists […]

Saturday evening I politely declined job suggestions and clearly stated that I didn’t ask for advice. The other person takes it as a slap to the face and gets hysterical. This happened over email, so I imagined him as a spoiled brat kicking and screaming for not getting his way.

strangled myself w cable uwu, felt like my head was going to burst but after a good 30 seconds or so i’m fully calm and ready to go kick ass

I am extremely neurotic, but I think that I hide it decently enough. I feel as if just enough of my fucked up internal life seeps through to the exterior of my persona for people to flag me as being off. Body language is always a tell. When people are in a situation with someone that they don’t like or don’t feel comfortable with, they will unconsciously touch their face, squint their eyes, or cross their arms. These subtle cues get directed at me constantly, even when the person hardly knows me. Like I said before though, it is probably the internal rot coming from […]

I remember at 6 sitting on the cold marble stairs of our house in Rio praying and that prayer was to die. Until then my life was one of violence against me. My father did what his father did.

My mother who also beat me also badgered my father to do things with me. So he would take me for walks to cut the bamboo he would beat me with that week. My mother got me a dog, knowing how messed up I was becoming, and he kicked it to death for not walking properly. By six I prayed to die to the COAT (Creator Of […]

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I hate waking up. I just feel like slitting my throat when I wake up. I hate waking up alone. I hate being alone. Unfortunately hating being alone is the most unatractive trait that a guy  could have. That sucks. I suck. I should get my shit together and learn to be comfortable with being alone but all I can do is rant like a crybaby. If only I could get hit by a lightning today.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

A common fear is that they will die alone. I wish I could die alone.

I’m working on it. Just family left.

I hope this happens soon.

…. they do.

I left college today a bit late. We have some upcoming projects to cram for so we (actually, just one of the members and I) took an appointment to meet the HOD.  He didn’t appear on time in the college campus and so we had to wait, only to leave college at 6:30pm. The streets got busier once we were out in the main road waiting for the signal to turn green. My head was blank, I promise. Besides, with hell lot of medication, I hardly had felt anything strange. We were waiting for too long. The signal didn’t turn green yet but I saw […]

Too much free time, too little sleep every night, nothing to do.. feels like I have lots of things to do, but I can’t identify what those things are. Maybe I should cut back on the coffee.

anyone else got a hyphenated surname? 😛

my father and my mother was arguing.
i stopped getting in the way due to my mom always being on his side.

today, she snapped.

i felt bad. she was screaming and it made sense. before that, he was towering over her on the couch, telling her how she was wrong about how he “didn’t” cheat on her(if you read my last post he did, he has a mistress to this day and talks to her while all three of us are at work{my brother, mom and i}), how shes a liar, and an idiot. an imbecile etc.

and she snapped, she said “FUCK YOU ALL” and “YOU […]