After a month, I was able to hear her voice. I spoke with my daughter. I told her that I love her and miss her. She said that she can’t wait to see me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I won’t be here anymore.
I haven’t seen her in 4 months. After a 30 minute conversation with her, my level of joy and relief was overpowered by the truth. I will never be good enough to be in her life or to be with her mother. I have no other known idea than to give up.
I have never once given up on […]
I remember their voices as I lay there in the hospital bed.
Asking over and over why I did it. Why I took those pills. Why I wanted it all to end.
I remember laying there and for a split second I didn’t know. Here’s these people standing over me, tears in their eyes, and broken hearts beating in their chest.
Whether I were their kid, friend or brother, they all had a sign in their eyes that a piece of them almost died with me.
This is what I think about when suicide comes to mind.
Even if you want to die, you have to take a second to realize […]
Today I told my mom that I am going to end my life on my birthday. My birthday is in 2 months. I only told her because I didn’t want it to be a surprise for her. I wanted to give her enough time to sit with the idea. I always mess things up in life. I’m just not good at it. I tried to take my life 2 years ago but it didn’t work. I took it as a sign that I must have a reason to live. But no, it was just me failing again. So, this time I’m going to make sure […]
how do I figure out, what my purpose is? i just need a sign. just to let me no why I was put here. cause at this point, I don’t even think there is a reason I was put here. just a mistake my parents made. how come over heard so many people say they’ve received signs, and they’re life has changed for the better now? Or that just wonke up one day, and they didn’t want to die anymore. well why can’t that happen to me? I know I have to be “patient”, but I feel like I’ve been patient a little too long, […]
Proof of life engraved on arm
and sin of living scarred into flesh.
Charm long cast aside;
yin long embraced!
Memories of you become nightmares
as the past becomes my drug.
The time for repairs has long past;
can’t be debugged!
The future I wanted
ended long before I met you.
Trickster with sins of life and virtues of despair;
can’t take back!
“One by one, the sins have become a validation of existence, a sign that I’m human! I’m not human, though… The glorified virtues have become my curse. My last remaining sin, the proof I’m still breathing even though it’s nothing more than a sigh…”
I’m wishing for the sun to burn it away,
to rise like […]
Just a rant. Sorry it’s so long. Read it if you want.
I think it’s time for me to go. I cant take this. Everything I do. Every single thing I do. Is wrong. I’m really tired. I really.feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And that feeling is trapping. And I hate feeling trapped. I can’t trust anyone. I’m always afraid of what everyone thinks of me. I’m tired of being judged. I always feel like I’m being.judged. it’s time for me to go. This whole “staying positive ” bullshit just isn’t for me. I’m feeling sick. Like I want to break down. […]
I live in a pretty rural area I guess you’d call it. In the last few months 4 people around here have committed suicide. I knew one of them vaguely from school long ago. I feel like this is a sign telling me it’s ok if I go too. One of them killed himself on my planned death day, the day after my birthday. I wasn’t able to go through with it because my dad had decided to stay home. I know that might be a sign too. The thing is, I could go on, maybe. I don’t think it’d be worth it and I […]
Ive posted a lot on this site and though the battle to end my life has been unsuccessful im thankful for the days i do get with my family and hope i fail this time to though i think i may succeed this time.i have something called a conversion disorder which means mental stress converted into physical symptoms so temporarily i can’t walk or move or sometimes even speak based on stress and it’s gotten worse as my suicide date comes closer i believe its a sign that i may not make it this time and that is scary yet i cant stop at least […]
I’ve been going on and off this site for the past few days wanting to say something, but I just can’t find the way to do it. I’ve been having a lot of problems lately, and it seems I’m falling into depression once again, like if happiness was nothing but a dream, and when you think you’re grasping it, it just gets away from you. The only thing that I’m certain of is that I’m alone yet again, or I’m about to be. Alcohol wasn’t the solution to my problems, and I found out that the harsh way. Apparently I’m replaceable too; I’m noticing I […]
hahaha. So let me explain or digress rather. This deaf guy walked by and he had a sign on his laptop bag bravely strung around his neck that read: speak up and speak clearly to my face please, I am hard of hearing. Where the fuck did that expression come from. I’m hard of hearing? I’m hard FROM hearing. I’m hard TO hear. I’m hard BY hearing. What the fuck is hard of hearing. Doesn’t even make sense. This language man. And my own personal joke that nobody else but Hjertsblomst will get: Fuck norwegians. It’s killz by the way. I felt you may not […]
Send me a sign.. tell me that we’re up to something.. other than what we can’t grasp with the palm of our hands.. is it really all worth what the future brings..
The riddles obtained.. from heartbreak and hand grenades.. cause we’ve stayed in one place too long.. we’re bound to be separated…
where we’ve lost all we got..we are not far from strays.. alone and estranged to be tossed up again.. like a coin in the air we will land in some place.. but who will we be when we finally meet the end..
So I
Edit: Idk why it’s not letting me finish […]
Your line, cast in the water. You feel the tugs, its like you caught something.
Something you wont let go. Only, at the same time, it pulls you in, under. You
don’t even notice.
Somehow you are both breathing, alive in each others worlds. Both cast, both reeled in.
Both caught.
One day, the line snaps. You find yourself shivering, wet, on the shore. You
try to go back, your lungs fill with water. Gasping for air, choking. You
strive, you push on. Darkness surrounds. Red appears in your peripheral.
You see a glimmer in the murkiness. You reach out. They dart away.
Still you stay.
You don’t need air, not […]
I asked god if he would give me a sign that it was my time to go. He gave me that sign. I am tired of fucking up here. That’s all I ever do. It’s my time.
Wondering starting to date again… I like one girl more then the others she is cute and sweet. She is originally from the country that I moved too 6 years ago. But also lived in the east and southern of Europe.
She is 8 years older then me. I don’t mind. I actually quite like it as I would like children and I think she would want them too. I wonder though if it is a wise step.. in the longer run for my happiness if that path were to happen….
we click really well so I do not really for see problems in that […]
Sometimes I forget the password and I am unable to log onto the Suicide Project Website. My struggle feels like a sign and I find it as ironic as a fortune cookie. “You will be the light in someone’s life.”
I sit here,
staring at this screen,
while another version of me
bleeds out in the tub down the hall.
I envy her.
She is the one who is free.
She is happier than me.
Ever since I was 13 I had sucicidel thoughts, I would cut almot daily, I was pretty much on my own and I would barley say a word, I’ve also atempted suicide but by destiny’s hand I still alive. I saw this as a sign, that maybe things in my life would get better, all the wrong would turn right and the darkness in me would fade. My depression and anxity where disapearing my problems didn’t seem so big any more. I’m 19 now and I feel as if nothing has changed, I feel that I was lieing to myself. My dad would take his frustration […]
I finished the message that I will send to a person
I’ve only spoken to her once, I found her through an article
She wrote about living off-grid in Nebraska
The ground shakes, I will send it today and hope, for the spirit
I will send her my short-summary that took me three-days to write
I asked her for her oracle for the order
Liz, don’t take my words personally if even anything, I was just busting
To the tune that I will hope to one-day sing to, from vast-eon-ago
Every-time, every-time, celestial, when I take a hit, the Earth trembles harder
If I make-it, […]
A lot of the time I project a facade of intelligence, I’ve been told I write well, that I can be eloquent and articulate at times, but I’m actually genuinely stupid. Math and anything pertaining to basic logic is beyond my comprehension, like I’ve literally failed Algebra twice in a row and I still don’t get it, I don’t understand much about math beyond arithmetic at all. Complex subjects that require thoughtful analysis and ability to make sense of information are beyond me, I struggle to understand anything when it’s not spelled out to me, and even then I still don’t get it. I’ve been […]
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