Yeah I’m pissed. Why even bother? Why play ganes? I haven’t seen him in a full month and I know I’ll never see him again. He actually messages me asking to come over. Then last minute says he can’t because the other car he had access to died too. Says he had a ride. So why couldn’t the ride have dropped you off here? If you can rent a car you can catch the bus, right? Hasn’t talked to me any more. Just leave me alone then. You got what you fucking wanted. You got rid of the person who cares most about you. Yes […]
Yup. totally and utterly numb.
It feels like someone has turned off a switch in my head and switched on autopilot mode. I am doing daily chores, smiling and talking to family, going to work and coming back home, cook meals, and cut.
Its like a routine and for last two weeks I cut on my thighs (so that my hubby wont see) every other day just to make sure that I am still alive. The pain is the only reminder left of life.
Oh how I wish, this routine would include studying… I am at the verge of being thrown out of my PhD, both my supervisors extremely […]
I get this strong sensation quite often. An emptiness of positivism, a desperation, and a need to hide and stop thinking and feeling. Several things trigger it. But very few can make it disappear, and those are never the same. Like if the damaged part of me is always defeating the one that is trying to feel better. Little victories that wont sum up. You see, it’s as if I wanted the damaged part to win, but then I don’t know where the other one comes from. So the reality is the fighting one is stronger than I thought. But this battle is taking away […]
I think I found an edible version of gauze… It’s a special Valentine’s version of that marshmallow and caramel candy. The marshmallow is really tough and the caramel is extremely sticky… Also, it doesn’t dissolve in the mouth. One piece alone is about the size of a child’s fist, give or take some width. Ironically, I don’t think trying to choke on candy could be considered suicide… That still won’t stop me from seeing how many I can fit in my mouth at one time.
but i will be forced to anyway, because i simply don’t have the means to end it in a way that won’t fail spectacularly.
here’s the truth; i’m ugly, and i’m going to die alone. nobody’s ever going to love me the way i need to be loved. i tried loving myself but i just couldn’t. i can’t make peace with something i hate so much.
i look in the mirror and i see a monster, not a 19-year-old girl. i’m so grotesque.
so i figure, if i’m going to die alone and unloved anyway, why not make it happen sooner rather than endure the pain […]
I need to know how crazy I am. I cut, burn, choke myself, abuse prescription and over the counter pills, and sometimes drive with my eyes closed to see if anything will happen. Sometimes I don’t think any of this is a big deal. I’ve grown to live like this almost constantly for the past year. Other times, I find myself sobbing, wondering what I’ve become. Is this a lot of self harm compared with others? I don’t know where I stand compared with other self harmers/suicide contemplators. I don’t know if I’m alone in this level of self hatred, or if there are others […]
Despite working out and eating better im fatter. I got off of work early but im tired and sore. I cant turn on the tv without seeing shit about sex and relationships. I get it im too ugly to find anyone in real life i know. I fucking feel guilted by life to contacting my ex(met online) because i do worry about her and i know I’ll never get someone better. As proof of that someone else who ive met(also online) in the many months since we stopped talking and who i care about but who fucking abandoned and rejected me is in trouble. Idk […]
I really don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start by saying I’m transgender…and please no comments about your thoughts on transgenderism.
I’ve been through so much in my life and have so much to be thankful for, but lately I have this deeply engrained feeling like I’ll always be alone and nobody will ever understand me. Some days it’s just all too much and I’ve been desperate for relief.
I guess I’m here because I don’t feel like I have anyone I can tell this to without them wanting to admit me to some psych ward
It’s my birthday today. And I’m more likely at work, or sleeping for my birthday. I’m 22 today. I made It another year guys. Yay.. I might drink tonight and make an appearance on SP. So I appoligize in advance. What else am I going to do on my birthday? At least I technically won’t be alone on my birthday if I come here.
Despite all my efforts to keep myself from over thinking things and trying to live life, I feel really low and alone today. This mood has just come out of no where and it’s dragging me right down.. Suicidal thoughts slowly creeping in the back of my mind again. I have no one to talk to
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have a habit of rejecting the good and accepting the bad. I pushed away my girlfriend because I wanted drugs and she’s against them. I lied to her saying I was clean and how I’m never going back to that life, but honestly I am still living that life. All I look forward to is getting high. The other day she told me she still loves me and I was horrible to her. I told her to get over it that I’ll never love her back. I told her I was with my ex again, the girl who I cried about to her saying […]
I’m breaking down tonight. Feeling alone through this all makes everything harder .
As eminem would say, i`m having a full blown relapse. I stopped taking anti depressants a while ago. I tried different ones, different doses, took them for years. None of them worked out for me, they all made me feel nothing. I still prefer the pain over just nothing. I now use all kinds of drugs. Sometimes they give me a feeling that is close to being happy. But sometimes they make me feel the pain and hear the voices even more. I tried killing myself a fuew days ago. Had the rope ready, ant in total drunkenness i fell of the chair and woke […]
I am surrounded by darkness,
And no one gives a damn.
Even though all I show is kindness,
My insignificance shows for who I am.
I feel so alone.
No one beside me.
So far away from what is supposed to feel like home.
Unable to even see.
It’s like a disease I’m confined to,
Casting off my every reach;
Disabling me to undo,
My pathetic way of speech.
I found this website an hour ago. I read posts. I am sobbing.
I’m not alone. I’m not alone, I’m not alone, I’m not the only one. And I am so angry because of it.
Why do other people have to suffer? Why do these things happen? I knew I wasn’t the only person- most of my friends are, but the fact that this many people-
this many people have gone as far as I have-
people younger and-
it just kills me, and I mean it literally.
It’s unfair and I am so sorry to anyone who is reading this. Because what you are going through seems impossible.
It is sometimes […]
The most frustrating thing about whatever it is I’m going through is this oscillation, things start to improve in small ways and then something happens however big or small and I’m back to being low again.
New Years was one of those times, being home from uni means and the history i have at home means there are a lot more people i feel i need to avoid. All day i tried to focus on working on an eminent essay but was anxious about that night; where i was going to go and who i was going to meet.
i was in the pub enjoying drinks with […]
I wish people cared more for others instead of just worrying about themselves .
I wish I could meet someone who doesn’t see me as a sexual item (including men and women , they’re both just as bad). I feel like whenever I go, people just see me as this dumb girl who will give her self up to someone so easily .
Fuck, I just wish someone was infatuated with my mind instead of my body. I want to have deep conversations with people. I want to talk about things people are passionate for. I don’t mind someone thinking I’m beautiful , but I don’t want […]
after following this site for many years, I have worked up the courage to spill my guts. I knew it would eventually lead to this very moment. It used to hurt but now that I can wear a mask I don’t need it, the irony irritates me. The pain hurts momentarily before it overwhelms me and i go numb and it subsides. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time with a regurgitation of what others have felt. I’m no different after all I’m not special. The only thing I had was my philosophy and I lost that I lost everything. Money is meaningless. I’m no […]