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Tag:
always
I woke up and played my spotify and this song came on. It reminds me of my self. It’s about building up a relationship only to break it down with your craziness. I can’t have relationships with people because they can’t really help me, and i’m way too bipolar.
The last relationship i had with a guy was the best i ever had. We met at a concert on the beach on Labor Day weekend. I fell in love with every little thing he did. He was a musician so we always made music together. And traveled. He had such great life lessons and morals. I […]
I think that I’m really not cut out for life.When I think of my future, I see myself alone. Not because that I suck at doing stuff but because of my anxiety. I am always scared to do things out of my comfort zone, I panic fast, I get angry in little time, I speak before I think and that I am a pessimist. I unknowingly ruin relationships with other people because of these. I wonder if I can get life through with this. I have put all my efforts in changing myself, even just one step at a time but still to no avail, […]
I’m going to keep this short, sweet, and unrelated to the norm. I want to write, and normally I don’t ask if it’s a good or bad idea. I generally just do it and say fuck the consequences, but this time is a little different. As you all can guess, it’s about a girl, and it’s complicated. First, a little update on how romance has been going in my life. The girl that has caused me so much sorrow and heartache has officially been given up on, and I have moved on. Now that’s out of the way, straight to why this shit be complicated […]
I could feel you slipping
(I can always feel them slipping)
Away from me.
It was slow and silent,
the way you faded.
You dropped my hand,
(for it was too calloused)
And dropped my heart
(for it was too heavy)
You kissed my cheek,
and not my lips.
The night before you left,
I engraved my memory into your skin
with my fingernails.
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It’s as if all I can do is cry.
Even just spending maybe two hours with my family for Christmas was hard. Pretending to be okay even though I feel like half my family is missing- how could I be spending Christmas without her?
How could I be spending my life without her?
It still feels unreal; I think of her, of memories with her and I can’t believe that she could leave me. She called me her wife. She said I was for forever. I just can’t get over the idea that she’s gone. The idea that she could leave me, that we wouldn’t be together, was […]
I haven’t been here or posted for 11 months. Since then, I’ve been taking different anti-depressants, and seeing a therapist. Sometimes they just don’t help, but I knew I had to stay to take care of my oldest cat. I know how ridiculous it sounds, and I know there are are people with far worse things to deal with this Christmas night. My plan was always based on my old guy’s death being the initiating event, but in addition, this summer I suddenly lost a younger car to cancer, and then, after adopting a kitten that melted my heart, I had to euthanize her 12 […]
I cannot believe how much my life has changed in 6 months. I loved life, had amazing friends, family, educational and social life. I have always had quite a hard family life where I have had to help care for members of the family doing this daily made me think I was a good person.
My life is so different now. A video of me has went viral. I was drunk and have absolutely no idea wat the content is but EVERYWHERE I go I get laughed at, made fun of and have comments shouted at me. I have left my job because the abuse I […]
I am going to end it these days. I want you to know that no matter what problem you have in your lives it will always be a brighter way. The thing is that in the world are losers and winners. I am a loser, even if have / will have everything this darkness that is inside of me won’t go away. Btw, you are always in control. No matter what happened to you, you are always in control. Don’t be a fucking depressed guy like me and go and live your life at your fullest. Do whatever makes you happy. I am sure that […]
20 years old and desperately trying to find a reason to live. Problems in the family have led to me feeling like shit for the last 3 years and I haven’t been able to shake off the feelings of depression and uselessness that I started having when everything started happening. Countless days have been spent putting myself in isolation in order for me not to try affect other people’s lives, and trying to find the energy to sometimes go out and do things is one of the hardest things to try and do. Things started getting even worse about 3 months ago, and I’ve been […]
Again, I can’t process anything. I woke up at 5am to see this on Facebook. All this time, since I left WV, I haven’t been able to process anything. I cried, some, after reading this and giving it a minute to sink in. The worst thing you’d ever want to hear. It’s so surreal. But this is the woman who took my cats when I lost my home. I ended up in KY when I couldn’t stay at the place I paid $1700 to move in to in OH. I lost that money and had only $800 left. It was too cold and cramped in […]
I’ve been depressed since I was 7. I’m tired of always being tired, and sad, and depressed, and feeling shitty about myself, my life, just everything. I’m just a giant black ball of darkness… I’m tired of being tormented, of always being in pain. I wish I was “normal” and had a “normal” life and felt happy good feelings, instead of feeling like I’m dying all the time…
First of all, i want to make sure that you know, i would never take my own life.
I just currently finished yet another book about a girl taking her own life… Why, and how… Always a mystery.
Im not suicidal. I have never been. But for a long time i have been in love with the idea of the picture of taking my own life.
Always about how i would do it. How people would react. Would anyone regret things they did to me og what they never told me.
Who would find me, would anyone find.
I had the same crush about eating disorders.
I feel sick […]
Over the weekend I think I finally hit rock bottom. I tried so desperately to get an answer or reasons for things that have been completely out of my control. I learned the hard way to just let things go.
I saw our love as perfect and honest. He saw it as suffocating and disgusting. He felt chocked by me; hopelessly controled by me, to the point where he claims that all of it made him sick.
It hurts when the person you once loved more than anything views you as this selfish and insane creature. This miserable being that all she wants is to […]
sonnet 29 plus, im a useless junky and having quit will always continue to be
written by rayonhousefly
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings
Been lurking on this site for a while. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was about 12. I really struggle to make it through the day because the thoughts are so bad . Probably sounds pathetic but my appearance is the main reason I want to die it’s become really hard for me not to check myself in the mirror frequently am especially self conscious about my hair which to me always looks crap no matter how hard I try , even when I get it done by a professional it still doesn’t look good enough to me. I have been to […]
can i just disappear? – sometimes i just want to disappear. – i wish i could disappear. – i want to disappear from my life. just be gone, as if i were never here. (the pearl) – i don’t want to kill myself, i just want to disappear. – i just want to stop existing. – i want to disappear into the night and never return. – i don’t want to die, i just want to disappear. – take me to neverland. – i want to fade away, like fog, melt like sugar, disappear. – sometimes i want to disappear. – sometimes i just want […]
I pulled the emergency break on my downward slide. I decided that putting up a decent fight is the least I owe my sons. If things don’t get better, suicide is always there as an option later. So I saw a doctor this morning, and she straight away organised admission to a psychiatric facility for me – and that’s where I’m now. Just unpacked my bag. I am lucky that I have private health insurance, and can use the private mental health system, and as a voluntary patient I’m not locked up. Still, I’m numb and exhausted and just relieved that I will have a […]