When i was a freshman, so 14, i tried to commit suicide for the first time. I can’t really explain why. It’s two years later and it still feels like it was all a dream. Sometimes it hits me all at once. Out of nowhere.. like around Christmas, i went and saw my youngest sisters choir concert. I was watching, listening. My dad on one side, my brother on the other. And it hit me.. all at once. Without warning.. as those things tend to do. I looked up at the stage, seeing her sing. My throat got that horrible dry feeling and suddenly the […]
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I have been struggling with depression for quite a while now. It hit me hard in March last year and it ended up with a suicide attempt that was close to being a success in late October.
After my suicide attempt i decided to make a change, but after i had a big breakdown at my birthday in december i realized that it wouldn’t happen.
To my surprise i got a job offer abroad, i have been here for a couple of weeks now, and things have been great ever since i got the offer really. But today i felt it was coming back, and it’s coming […]
It all started with presenting my research paper . I couldn’t talk . And when I did I just sounded like I had no idea what I was talking about. I did so bad .
Then I took my dental assisting tests . I was so freaked out . I don’t even know why.
Then I went to the group interview . It was the stupidest fucking interview I’ve ever been to. You literally play games . And dance to music with randoms . I mean it was alright but still. All the staff members were annoying . I couldn’t stand any of them.
I fucked up on […]
Counting the days till im gone made a post about family and how they play a hand in self harm and suicide. Dont know if this person is a guy or a girl but there right. Im in a simaler situation, but its probably not as bad. They are deffanatly fake and the deffanatly lie. I have done things to make them angry i cant lie about that but they where ready to disown me over something i posted online. Then my mom told everyone to mess with my head that was the worst. The truth is they hated me before any of this happend, […]
but i will be forced to anyway, because i simply don’t have the means to end it in a way that won’t fail spectacularly.
here’s the truth; i’m ugly, and i’m going to die alone. nobody’s ever going to love me the way i need to be loved. i tried loving myself but i just couldn’t. i can’t make peace with something i hate so much.
i look in the mirror and i see a monster, not a 19-year-old girl. i’m so grotesque.
so i figure, if i’m going to die alone and unloved anyway, why not make it happen sooner rather than endure the pain […]
I shouldn’t tell myself this but life reminds me of what i am. Idk why i post here still. Maybe because i don’t have a sure method to die. I wish i wasnt born and im old and meaningless and i keep getting reminded of how horrid my life has been my life is and will be. Im too incompetent to continually do anything about it. I hate being a fuckup. I hope i have a heart attack soon. I’ve been rejected abandoned neglected. I have no support system or meaningful relationships i do want to die. I am immobile, agoraphobic, perpetually suicidal. No one […]
Progress is hard to really acknowledge, because its hard to measure. Some days i still want to give up, but I’m coping with it better and actually beginning to deal with things in a healthy way.
There have been many things in my life at the moment which I’ve been tempted to quit and stop, I’ve felt like i don’t have the energy or motivation. I forced myself to continue my ‘hobbies’ and every time I’m glad i didn’t stop because it helps and makes me happy.
The night is the hardest, everything runs through my head and i struggle, i can’t sleep and when i do […]
i’m probably on the edge of a breakup and i’m really scared. i’m trying so hard to be unselfish – no cutting and no starving myself. i’m taking care of myself for the sake of others, if not for myself.
some bad stuff happened and my girlfriend and i hadn’t talked in several days (we’re long distance), but i was still trying to be positive about our relationship. then yesterday i got some really angry messages. last night i ordered some of her favorite kind of chips, which have been discontinued, for $36. i keep wondering whether she will still be my girlfriend by the time […]
January 6th, i attemped suicide.
i took lots of medicines and drunk alcohole.
but i couldnt die… my head was just dizzy and i couldnt eat anything for few days. i did not tell anyone about this. and i wont tell anyone. but now i think i still want to die. i want to end my life.
this world sucks…
i really hate myself and no one cares about me . my family my husband they dont care about me … all they care and want is money ..
i have been trusting that one day i can have someone who loves and cares .
Some of you make think I’m joking. Some of you may think im insane. But I have a story to tell. And it’s completely the truth. My personal experience. Some of you may curse me to hell. And some of you may just understand my plight. But I’m telling you now that i am not trolling you.
As a little girl, like most children, I had an imaginary friend. I would stay up at night talking to her and we would play games. She was a lot older than me, but that didn’t seem to matter because I was the only one who could see her. […]
How do you guys deal with the pain ? i feel like it’s just growing inside of me , and i don’t know how to handle this anymore, i’m about to break, tired of living life in automatic pilot, doing things i don’t wanna do, and i just had another disappointment , someone i met and really care about is leaving, i don’t know what to do with that pain , i feel like there’s no way out
I failed again :(all they did was forcefully pump pills from my stomach and ship me off to a mental hospital for three days worth nothing. I drew a picture on the wall with a girl with a noose and they thought to keep me longer but mom wanted me home. Wish she would have left me there.now i have to contemplate doing it again cause its not gonna stop till im dead.but i wish it would. Pills are useless.i need to be more creative. I will try drinking dishwasher soap this time . though I don’t know when. And i hope these are my […]
The most frustrating thing about whatever it is I’m going through is this oscillation, things start to improve in small ways and then something happens however big or small and I’m back to being low again.
New Years was one of those times, being home from uni means and the history i have at home means there are a lot more people i feel i need to avoid. All day i tried to focus on working on an eminent essay but was anxious about that night; where i was going to go and who i was going to meet.
i was in the pub enjoying drinks with […]
instead of doing a new years resolution this year, i decided on somewhat of an ultimatum. i decided that if this year proves to be the same shit its been like in the past years, i’m not going to live anymore. i’ve wanted to kill myself for going on 3 years, and i’m finally giving myself a reason to do it. if this year turns out to show me that life is worth living, i wont kill myself. i doubt this year will show that, and i’ve started creating a rough outline of how i’ll do it. i shouldn’t be in this world, i […]
It seems many of us, men, here at SP struggle or have struggled with problems related to the opposite sex, messed up relationships, stalkig exes, or like me years of constant rejection, being friendzoned, women mistaking kindness for weakness and taking advantage of it and walking over us.
And you know what?
I’m 27 and i dont know why or how but about 3/4 years ago a sudden changed occurred …. i just stoped bothering with it at all, suddenly i dont care if women notice me or not, i walk by a gorgeous woman on the street with the same indiferrence that i walk by a […]
First and foremost i want to genuinely wish everyone that 2016 may be more happy or at least more bearable that the previous ones.
This Christmas i decided to give myself a present, thats right, thats why i’ve been somewhat absent lately …..i’ve decided to aquire my method, it wasnt easy and it took me months of reasearch, but i’ve made it.
It’s pretty much like band aid or tylenol or spare tire, you never know when you’re gonna need it….
If there is one time of the year i dread is New Year, it reminds me how lonely i am, you see i’ve only made real friends […]
I want to cry but cant or even move. Fireworks will go off again soon. I did this to myself. I dated, i was weak, and i suffered and still am. Im not going to just meet someone thats just going to fall in place. Anytime soon even if we need it. Every partner i had, left. This one.. Im ready to go now.. And if i miss im just going to rip it out in agony and do it again. Well thata how i feel
I woke up and played my spotify and this song came on. It reminds me of my self. It’s about building up a relationship only to break it down with your craziness. I can’t have relationships with people because they can’t really help me, and i’m way too bipolar.
The last relationship i had with a guy was the best i ever had. We met at a concert on the beach on Labor Day weekend. I fell in love with every little thing he did. He was a musician so we always made music together. And traveled. He had such great life lessons and morals. I […]
after following this site for many years, I have worked up the courage to spill my guts. I knew it would eventually lead to this very moment. It used to hurt but now that I can wear a mask I don’t need it, the irony irritates me. The pain hurts momentarily before it overwhelms me and i go numb and it subsides. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time with a regurgitation of what others have felt. I’m no different after all I’m not special. The only thing I had was my philosophy and I lost that I lost everything. Money is meaningless. I’m no […]
It has been ten days since i moved back home. i don’t know what i feel right now. but my head keeps trying to find ways to escape from here. i was suppose to see the person i can talk to 10 days ago.but they were out of town. and i don’t want to text them and bother them during the holidays. i know they can help figure me out right now. i don’t want to go back to college. i hated college. i never wanted to go in the first place, but i had to. if i didn’t, i would have no […]