So, it seems he has some skinny tiny girl interested in him. She’s of course not pretty. Way too gaunt and malnourished looking, but that’s what he likes. Anorexic and underweight. She looks young and she has two babies exactly 9 months apart and I guess no baby daddies in the picture. WHY must every man want these sluts just because they’re anorexic??? I’ve accepted that I was born to be alone and never have love in my life, but it still hurts to see my dream guy getting close to someone.
Tag:
apart
As I try to remember the sound of your voice
I can’t help but wonder if we made the right choice
To let go the special bond that we used to have
To say goodbye to times that made us laugh
Now I sit here alone with guilt and regret
Tortured by the past that I cannot forget
Tormented by overwhelming misery
While Looking back at my decisions bitterly
I know we decided to go apart
But doing so shattered my heart
I have been trying to put it back together
But the important pieces are lost forever
Our lives will now never be the same
All this I have myself to blame
Unable to hold on what matters […]
It’s about that time again – you know, when depression rears its ugly head and you start researching extensively on the internet for exit strategies… Drunk on a saturday and feeling like I can’t escape. Of course I feel awful about leaving my family but really this cannot go on… The suffering and inability to function within society – like a puzzle piece that can’t fit in. I am so fucking tired of being gay which is essentially a death sentence or at least a life long curse of loneliness and harassment.
Normally I try to write better, wax some sort of whining poetic about romanticized […]
How can we all be so sad? Do you guys actually feel connected ? I see some old and some new, do we really help, or prolong doomed options?
I’m a drifter I’m come and go. . .
Cause I one day I find hope and the next dispair…
Which I believe is worse, my duel personalites are tearing me apart…
Where are you? Deep in your hole climbing or looking down?
lately ive been crying and i hate myself so much, ive done horrible things to myself im seriously thinking about suicide with some pils. im fat af and ugly and all the bad things that someone could ever imagine. IM starting to vomit after every meal, im losing my mind lately, and no one notice.
I’m doing ok currently, although I feel lost in myself. Not because there’s much to me, but that there’s nothing, and I feel lost in nothingness, as if consumed by it, if it makes any sense. It’s been some days since I had these light quasi-psychosis episodes, and I’ve been trying to meditate a bit on these strange thoughts I got at those times, and although they seem crazy, I have only emptiness apart from them. It’s not necessarily bad and I don’t intend to complain about it, it is rather peaceful this way, although shallow and melancholic at times. In any case, I was […]
Last week I thought I was starting to get better. I started to let go of my depression, trying to live normally and forgetting about everything that cause my depression. I thought I was doing well. But right now, everything… everything is starting to come back. Everything is starting to fall apart again. Everything is breaking. I’m now being consumed by my depression again and I can’t control it anymore. Maybe I can’t ever be saved from my mental illness. Maybe this is my fate. Maybe life isn’t really for me. And I’ve decided, I’m going to end this fucked up life.
I just realised. I mean not just, this has been coming for some time now.
I am unlovable.
Unlikable. Umamicable. Unsocial, rather extremely selectively social.
But what i am is pitiable.
And all my friend, the two people i have gotten close with, well, one got bored and we went apart, and the other only sticks with me cus she pities me.
The sadness is a heavy weight in my chest, a deep empty feeling.
It’s better than being angry, I think, but this pain is so consuming. If I’m not actively distracting myself (and even sometimes when I am) I can just feel her absence, the loss.
I don’t want to feel this way. I’m so tired of being sad. And even worse, I think I’d be happy if my heart wasn’t broken. After ten years I finally feel like my depression is lifting, but I still feel incredibly sad anyway.
It still feels unreal, that she left. She’s my best friend- I was her best friend- and I thought […]
I just don’t think I can keep this up. This emptiness inside every night. I even had a great text conversation with a guy who seems cool from a dating site. I still long to die. Or just not exist.
I also realize I’m love with a celebrity. I’ve followed him on Twitter for years and actually met him at his show and took a picture with him. He recognized me. I didn’t expect to fall in love with his personality. This probably sounds insane, but it hurts SO BAD!! To want someone you can never ever have. It’s just torture and he has a girlfriend […]
My name is Free. My name is Happy.
I wish…
I’m trapped. I’m trapped in this body. I’m trapped in this horrible life I don’t want to live. I’m trapped in this fucked up world.
I want to break free. I want to be free. Live up to my name.
Freedom. Happiness. I’m far from getting either of those things. My names. Even hearing someone calling my names tears me apart inside. I will never feel any of those things. I will never be free. I will never be happy.
I’m sad right now, and I don’t understand why. It wasn’t a particularly great day, but it wasn’t […]
Ah man, me again, I know, very sad. Either way, here’s some stuffs I wrote about what’s been going on with me lately, if ya’ll care to read it.
by thelost
written by thelost
A Beast
A beast with a silver tongue
A heart of fool’s gold
A body covered in scars
A mind full of pain
Lies hidden behind pretty words
Pain hidden behind false smiles
Eternal loneliness
These are what the beast lives with
The darkness questions
Where’s your strength
How dare you feel this way
What gives you the right
The darkness says he deserves it
Maybe he does
After what he has done
Does he deserve forgiveness
His soul cries out
Begs for the darkness to leave
Anything, as long as it will leave
The darkness only digs in deeper
Escape is all he wants
There is only one way
It is to lie down in a coffin
And that’s the way the beast likes it
I Don’t Know How […]
So I went to some fancy schmancy doctors in San Francisco to get the results back from my brain scans. He said that the over activity in my brain causing my anxiety was “horrifying” and could only imagine how bad it would’ve been without my current meds. The comparisons between my brain and those of a normal brain are startling in their differences. He’s putting me on yet another medication with supplements- I’m excited but sceptical. I’ve already tried so many meds…. But what have I got to lose? I got so desperate to cut that I took apart my eyeliner pencil sharpener 🙁 It […]
I failed you baby, on 1-18-15 I fucked up and I failed you. I wasn’t there for you when you really needed me, my bipolar wasn’t medicated or known yet and I freaked out, I made the worse/stupidest mistake of my life and I kicked you out our house when you needed me. I failed you in every way possible as your man that day, and I failed our lil family… I tore it apart. I’m the reason we’re not together anymore. I got help, I knew something was wrong and I got help…found out I’m bipolar and have anxiety, I go to therapy/ counseling […]
from the perspective of the proverbial ‘watcher’ my life is pretty perfect, i suppose. I live in a beautiful house with a beautiful man who tells me i’m beautiful. we’re engaged and getting married. . the natural progression of this version of life, to settle down and squirt out children… for the last five years, no for ever, i have thought that i wanted that. to settle and breed… and everything would just make sense when my life was no longer my own. but i am literally in the process of realising that i DONT actually want this, i have but one life and im […]
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
I’m so stressed these days I feel no-one loves me . I’m sooo sad I want to die. I’m pregnant (5months)with a little girl . I love her but I feel she will change my whole life and she will just put me in trouble. but I can’t get red of her because she is just a peace of me . I’m a teenager it was a mistake . I hate my life . I feel I don’t have true friends because in this moment I felt we are going apart in the moment that I need help. I’m sick of overthinking . I want […]
so ive been on autopilot to deal with depression for the last 4 years, but now with counselling and therapy I’m starting to come back to life. I’m noticing my feelings and the feelings of people around me. I look at my friend and she is just like I was, apart from shes not on auto pilot, shes feeling every ounce of pain and hopelessness. everything in my body wants to go over there and hold her, and tell her something, make the pain go away, cry with her, so she doesn’t feel so alone. but what do you say? what do you do? we […]