I have hurt so many people lately that I can’t take it. I hurt a girl I fell for because she didn’t realize that admitting your love to someone doesn’t mean your in a relationship. I hurt her when I started dating an amazing girl named Julianna that I realized I love even more. I just don’t know why I hurt people so much on accident. I feel even worse than I have ever felt. I am cutting even more than ever. I just don’t know what to do our how to stop hurting others. I am tired of causing pain which doesn’t just hurt […]
Tag:
Appetite
i think theres something up with me. it takes me forever to fall asleep (if i do). smoking doesnt do anything and i dont want to have to drink myself to sleep every night. i have no appetite despite my growling stomach. i know i need to eat and thats really the only reason i eat now, because i know i have to. i have no desire to do anything or be around anyone or talk with anyone lately and most of the time i wish everyone would leave me alone for a while. everything seems monotonous. everything seems banal. all i want to do […]
Try to make moments merry, playing some tunes, attempt at lightening up the mood. Again dismissed, unwanted commentary. Once again surrounded by family but I feel so alone, unneeded, unnecessary, my appetite lost, my brief content from visiting relatives gone, in a heartbeat. I can’t wait to leave.
I have always been taught that patience is a virtue; that good things come to those who wait. I have lived on this Earth now for 18 years, I am still waiting.
My life so far has been… Gentle, in many ways. My familly are able to provide for me: I have food and a bed, I even have a little money of my own. They say that you can take a horse to water but that you cannot make him drink: though I have food I have no appetite, and though I have a bed I am rarely able to sleep. It seems to me […]
But now it seems like eating disorders and self harm are all over the place. I’m sure I’ve probably been making the most weird and horrified faces at just about everything.
I got handed a knife to cut open a bag and the guy sitting next to me pointed to the bag and said “Don’t cut yourself.†I almost dropped everything I was holding because I thought he was pointing at my left arm.
Later that night a friend walked in and said “Marion, you’re so tiny and skinny.†I smiled because I was super proud of myself until she said “I don’t mean to say you […]
Hello.I am new here,so I don’t know anything about this site,all I know is that I am seeking some kind of comfort right now,and this seems like the kind of ‘place’ where I can find it.I have seriously considered suicide a few times,but this is by far the worst time ever.Each time I attempted it I was 100% serious,and yet,as you can see,I am still here.I have started to ‘starve’ myself but it was not on purpose.I haven’t eaten literally anything in three days,not because I wanted to kill myself,not because I’m on a diet,but because I am feeling an unimaginable amount of pain and […]
Hello to anyone who is reading this. I am confused and I feel so alone, even surrounded by loved ones and co-workers. I am a well-educated 24 year old female. I have a science degree and took too many psychology courses to count, but somehow I still can’t seem to get my head sorted out. I’ve never really suffered from depression or suicidal thoughts until a few months ago and lately it’s all I can seem to think about. I’ve lost interest in all my formerly beloved hobbies and I have lost my appetite. I find it so hard to pay attention in grad school […]
My last post “no energy“ was posted on Sunday.
Monday i woke up for school, was very hot, but didn’t think much of it. i got up and felt really ill and my belly was tossing and turning, so i went to the toilet.
But on my way to the toilet i went the dizziest i’ve ever been, then i blacked out. Next thing i know i am on the toilet floor with my dad picking me up, then i blacked out again, i couldn’t have fainted again… could i? i woke up on the hall way floor and my dad peering over me saying my name over and over again.
I […]
As my anxiety grows, so does my appetite for death.
I’m exhausted, I don’t feel like I can keep going. My fiance broke my heart a couple of months ago and today he told me he is happier without me. For me every day gets worse. I have been through too much, this was supposed to be my happy ending. I can’t just try again because life is shit and it always ends badly.
If I didn’t have kids I would have done this years ago, now they live with their dad almost full time and are well taken care of. I am too much of a pathetic mess to be anything good for them […]
A darkness has fell upon me,
One that has an insatiable hunger for my soul,
It’s been feeding on what happiness i have,
Draining the hope i have for it to stop,
Guiding me to unknown places,
With temptations of opportunities to feel better,
Food has lost it’s taste,
I have no appetite,
Sleep kills the high,
I had worked all day to reach,
(I feel sick…)
This darkness is consuming me,
Taking a firm grasp on my mind,
Making me more vulnerable,
The darkness,
it knaws at your thoughts,
injects you with it’s drug,
tears the flesh right from your bones,
After it has had it’s fun,
When […]
In 8th grade, I was 13, I was 5’5″, and I was 125lbs. I was teased for eating too much and being overweight, when in reality I knew I wasn’t. I knew at the beginning anyway. I’d been bullied my entire life, and I could shake this off easily.
For a while.
My eyes were convinced first. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat girl. An ugly girl. When I looked down at my stomach, I always sucked it in for about an hour afterwords.
My mind followed suit. I thought I was fat. I looked at every meal I ate and started trying to leave some every […]
My GP has just prescribed Zopiclone for insomnia also Beta Blockers for panic attacks.Along with Mirtazapine, citalapram Carbamazapine and Tramadol, which I have been taking for years. Should I just stop taking the whole fucking lot….I feel like a wretched Zombie most of the time. My short term memory is shot to hell. I am so tired all the time I could weep. My appetite is zero. Life is pretty much fucking unbearable. Does anyone else cope without all this medication? Is it better? I am very confused.
where does it all come from? It seems to be endless, a voracious beast with an unquenchable appetite. The emptiness surrounds me, sticks to my skin like some disgusting, sticky black membrane, constantly separating me from the world, never allowing any emotions in or out.
Sometimes I feel it as a stab of desperate loneliness, and I want nothing more than to scream–but I can’t find the energy. Other times it recedes to the background as a dull throbbing, and I’ll sit in one place for hours on end. Sometimes it verges on something vaguely resembling pain, though even then it’s as if I can’t even […]
I spend most of my time alone. Not because I choose to, but because everybody always has something better to do. They only want me when they need something or someone to listen, or even when they’re bored. I’m obviously not wanted. And nobody listens to what I have to say anyway, so why even talk? Why be social? Why care? Why love? Why live? There’s nothing holding me back anymore, my love for writing is still and always will be within me, but my drive and inspiration is gone. No, it is NOT writers block, I have had many great writing leads, just don’t […]
I figured out a way to live and be happy, but it still feels so valueless so fuck it. I keep moving forward in my life, making progress, but none of it matters to me. I keep thinking about the universe and how meaningless existence. All that exists here only exists here, the rules and thoughts and colors and laughter; all this bullshit is on this stupid rock, Earth.
It’s all bullshit, emotions/feelings, was over me but never become part of me. I don’t get it. I don’t get why I seem to be the only one around me aware of the fatal flaws in the […]
Breathing helps MARGINALLY .
I feel so guilty like I did something wrong, I don’t think I did but I CANT CONTROL THIS FEELING. I always find myself holding my breath and it helps
but I heard its not good to do this? I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this! But for some reason it feels like I deserve it.
I can’t even eat, no appetite but I think this makes me more nervous because my stomach starts growling, but when i do eat I feel like I’ll throw up.
I’ve tried everything. But i feel its involuntary.
 I want to escape.
Ive been trying to type how I feel, but I just cant get my thoughts straight. I have this very often. I know what I want to say. And in my head I hear the exact sentence, I just cant get it of my lips. And its not only when talking about emotions, I also have it when I’m just in the middle of a random conversation. Like my brain kind of just stops and I just cant get the words out. The feeling of having something on the tip of your tongue, only difference is that I know what I want to say but […]
I’ve wanted to die since I was 17. That was the first time I tried but I was just sick all night.
I remember all the negative about the past and it is hard to concentrate on the positives.
I took speed a couple of weeks ago and felt like I had instant happiness. People said that I made them laugh. If only they knew how I want to be out of this eternal pain.
I have a friend who is always saying that she doesn’t eat properly. Well I don’t. I exist on nourishment drinks and bananas cos I have no appetite.
My psychiatrist is good. She is […]
I’m so tired and so confused. Everyday, I find myself worrying and trying to keep up with my smiles. It’s been difficult and tiring that I don’t know what to do anymore. During the day, with my family and with my friends, I’d be happy and always smiling. I would just laugh with everyone and generally feel so happy. I profess love to this guy everyday. I laugh with my friends at every joke. I play with my dog and have fun.
But when I’m all alone, I’ve always find it hard to stop myself from crying. I don’t know nor understand why I feel so […]