Tag:

ashamed

Numb

by NineTheTimesBluer 10/2/2016

written by NineTheTimesBluer

I thought I was getting better.

I guess I’m not.

Lately I’ve been feeling numb, almost like I can’t feel anything at all. I still cry, I just don’t know why;it’s not because I’m upset, I just burst into tears all of a sudden. Then again, it’s not exactly easy to ‘feel’ connected to people when you’re almost completely cut off from them.

The people I thought were my friends don’t seem the same anymore. Maybe because we’re growing up; everyone changes when they grow up, and we drift in and out of one another’s lives. I could be completely wrong, and I could be behind it all. […]

10/2/2016 3 comments

Some Kind Of a Story.

by seekingforhelp 4/30/2016

written by seekingforhelp

Well…

It’s so hard to write about this. U’ll be the first people who will know the truth about me even though you even don’t know my real name.

So…When my mom was pregnant, it turned up she had MS. This cannot be cured. There is no treatment. No chance. It can only gets worse. And it gets. I was the child she was going to born. My mom had the second, healthy baby but I’d like not to be ever born. If I hadn’t be born, she would be healthy now. She could be leading a happy life with my father and sister.In the first years […]

4/30/2016 5 comments

Crying doesn’t help…

by claritee 3/7/2016

written by claritee

Sometimes I just stare at my wrists when I get like this and wonder what it would be like to plunge a knife through my artery and veins. When the pain eats away at me and crying doesn’t even help. Crying used to help. I felt ashamed the other night when I just cried myself to sleep and woke up and realized that I didn’t take my dog out, that I left my kitchen a mess, that I slept in my clothes. I never do that. I have never cried myself to sleep either.

3/7/2016 4 comments

No More Faking

by louise52 1/26/2016

written by louise52

Hi folks. I want you to know, you help me get by. I understand you, I feel for you, your stories resonate for me, I am one of you, here I belong. I was never a ‘happy smiley’, I never will be a happy smiley. In fact I militantly stand for the right not to fecking smile lol. I was the only one in my sixth form class not freaking smiling. And I’m not ashamed. I knew life and society sucked back then (though I was lamentably immature and naive in so many other ways). I wasn’t taken in by the hype.

So fuck faking it.

1/26/2016 2 comments

Meh

by Harlot.Rebel 1/3/2016

written by Harlot.Rebel

Getting drunk again.. What a surprise.. I should be ashamed. Im a mess. Im a complete dumb ass. Im Pathetic. And worst of all im alive.

1/3/2016 5 comments

I Feel Better Being Nothing

by wolfanasan 12/1/2015

written by wolfanasan

I feel less suicidal, being nothing.

I am not a student, not an employee, not a daughter, not part of society. Not glum, not unattractive, not any other adjective.

I feel better when I am not obliged to fake emotions. I dont mind being alone anymore. Can I just float through the days, just for awhile?

Can I stop identifying myself as my experiences? Can I stop feeling ashamed for having not accomplished anything? Can I stop identifying as a human, and just wander through Time as nothing, just for a little while?

12/1/2015 3 comments

Tired

by woerose 11/30/2015

written by woerose

I am going to kill myself at the end of the week. I have an unpleasant meeting mid-week and I want to give it a day of buffer on either side. I’m not killing myself because of this stupid meeting, and don’t want it to look that way. I *could* leave a note, but justifying my suicide would do more harm than good, and leaving a listing things that *weren’t* a factor would be confusing.

I’m sick of dragging myself through life. I’m in my late twenties and have been suicidal since my early teens. Why I didn’t do it sooner is beyond me. That would […]

11/30/2015 8 comments

I’m scared.

by Blackdog 11/16/2015

written by Blackdog

I’m scared. I feel I’m getting close to do it. And I’m afraid. I don’t want to leave. I could have a long life. I just have to endure for more 10 months. But I can’t. It’s too much anxiety and stress. I’m starting to hear that I have to be better, I have to do more and to speak more. I’m trying but I’m not good enough and I will never be. Every criticism, every fail breaks my heart.
I went to bought one more bottle of pills, but it was sold out. I don’t know if I have pills enough to kill myself […]

11/16/2015 2 comments

Reasons i know you hate me

by No_one_care 10/30/2015

written by No_one_care

If things were different would you love me ??
If things were different would you not be ashamed of me??
I ask to many questions
I am too unsure
I hate myself
I am ugly
I am not what you want
I am flawed
I am too different
I am easily hurt
I love you

10/30/2015 12 comments

Im wrong

by tctc 9/29/2015

written by tctc

I was sucidal, fast forward a few years, ive gotten over it
I thought id let you know a lil’ bit more about me so i told i once felt like killing myself
I was so shocked when you told said
“suicide is wrong, it’s selfish; why cant you be more thoughtful?”
You made me feel as though i chose to be suicidal
& i should be ashamed and punish myself for it

Why cant you understand
I thought you were trustable

I
Thought
You
Were.

9/29/2015 4 comments

Bulimic. I really need help.

by nosound 8/28/2015

written by nosound

I have just graduated high school and in high school a few of my friends developed eating disorders and got extremely thin. I remember being worried about them and thinking what they were doing was crazy and trying to think of anything I could do to help without harming our friendship. As I got older and gained weight while some of my friends didn’t because of their disorders or over cautious dieting, I started to feel self conscious about my size and disliked my body a lot. Also with all of the media portrayal of perfectly skinny girls I felt very ashamed of my size […]

8/28/2015 2 comments

10-14-2010

by Sammi6xoxo 6/13/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

Rest assured i cannot think
Close your eyes begin to sink
kiss the hand of fear so sweet
let this silence be my treat

hear the voices in your head
let them fill you up with dread
they can get inside your mind
tell me now what they would find

would there be a shining sea
would it turn black from all the grief
where does this train of thought lead
are you ashamed for me to see

let this silence be my treat
kiss the hand of […]

6/13/2015 12 comments

Protected: ……..

by sadsadist 6/8/2015

written by sadsadist

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

6/8/2015 0 comment

Is it too late for a second chance??

by johnny1 4/30/2015

written by johnny1

I made a terrible mistake in life. It’s affected me tremendously over the past 2 years. I am ashamed of my past situation, embarrassed with the present, and fearful of the future.

7 years ago, I accepted a job with the federal government. The organization I worked for has a bad reputation with the public. Everyday you can find examples of governmental malfeasances that happen in the news.

The agency that I worked for was TSA. I am so deeply ashamed of myself for working there, because of the bad reputation with the public. Myself and others who have worked their have been verbally and psychologically abused […]

4/30/2015 2 comments

why do we yearn for death instead of yearning for a better life?

by cathy arsis 4/15/2015

written by cathy arsis

i took 42 days and spoke not a word, nor did i write that would be cheating.

mostly i wondered why i wished for death so terribly

i want to end my life

for shame

i am ashamed of how scared i am, and how useless i am,

i am ashamed of how much of a burden i am

and how much hurt i cause to those i care for because i am weak

if measured by the skill it takes to kill

a phantom is a 1,000 weights and reality a penny pound

and all my strength turned to ash by the febrile strength of an unjust man

dissipated by sour breath and uncouth […]

4/15/2015 6 comments

Useless

by hopelesslyuseless 3/26/2015

written by hopelesslyuseless

I feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. I feel so alone, and undesirable. I am fully engrossed in nothing that I do, even though I appear to be. I want out but I cannot deal with how my family would take it. I feel guilty and ashamed for having these thoughts. I am worthless. I am never truly happy. I am never the first choice. I am nothing.

I need help. I don’t want to ask for it. Although I’ve been told I am spiralling downwards. My friends do not know how I feel. They fall for the façade that […]

3/26/2015 2 comments

by FreakOfNature 3/13/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I am ashamed to live in this generation. I am ashamed to like in the U.S. I am ashamed to live in this world.

It’s disgusting. Women or men murdering their childern for their own selfish needs. Teenagers getting pregnant just to give the child to their mother to take care of while they go out and party. Grown men attacking teenaged boys and girls because they don’t like the way they dress. Grown women with fucking kids acting like a goddamn child that doesn’t get their way. Or these outrageous standards that most women put for men, or vise-versa.

Teachers raping or molesting their students. Teachers and/or […]

3/13/2015 2 comments

fuck this place

by omfgitsaraver 2/27/2015

written by omfgitsaraver

I’m slowly dying mentally each and every day. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’ve tried so hard to look past my physical deformities and and see the “good” in people but it has gotten me nowhere. I just want to die. Today, tomorrow what the fuck ever. Days are the same. My last words before I die will be, “Fuck this place.” It’s decided, I will die of suicide. I’m a little ashamed because I promised my mom I wouldn’t.. but truthfully and honestly…. FUCK THIS PLACE!

2/27/2015 6 comments

What they dont know…

by pxckll 2/25/2015

written by pxckll

If i put on a fake smile and pull down my sleeves, they wont know and they wont get mad at me… they still dont know what happened that day… or the other days… im ashamed and scared to tell them the whole story…

2/25/2015 1 comment

Ashamed

by HereticBlood 2/18/2015

written by HereticBlood

I feel so fucking ashamed that for a second foolish time I could believe it was actually worth something to someone!!! I knew from day fucking 1 when you said how you felt that it was a lie, but me being the stupid fucking ***** I am trusted and believed you.. You and all these other people are nothing but lies. That’s all everything ever is!! LIES!! I know I’m worth nothing, I knew I was never worth your time or anyone else’s.. I wish that you’d just admit it. Just once, admit that I am worthless and that I never meant a damn thing […]

2/18/2015 27 comments

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