If you don’t hear from me tomorrow I’m sorry. At least my profile will still be here. At least there is something left behind of me. Something someone can look back on. At least I know I will be missed by everyone here. At least I know you guys care. But it’s not enough right now. If I’m heard from by tomorrow night, I made it through tonight. I imagine them waking up in the morning to find my corpse hanging in the bedroom. I imagine what they would do or say. I hope I can watch them cry. I hope I can see their […]
I’m sick of being alone. I have no one who I can trust. No one understands what’s going happening. They don’t understand the Angels. They don’t understand that they need me. I need to see my doctor. I need him to tell me what to do. I’m alone and I’m scared.
I don’t even know why I’m writing on here. I suppose it’s to distract myself. Maybe. I’ve been left alone downstairs. The figures keep moving in the doorway, and it’s annoying me. I’m was trying to distract myself with a film – but they’re distracting me from the film.
I can feel myself starting to […]
You lay awake in bed at night wondering where every little thing went wrong.
You create amazing friendships hoping they will spark into something intimate. You spend days, weeks, months and occasionally years talking to someone only to one day realise the effort disappears and you find that you are now the instigator. They never message you first, or call or whatever. It’s up to you.
Then one day you decide “okay, I’m not going to start the conversation this time. I will wait for them to instigate it.” Next thing you know you it’s been a few days and then weeks and months and you realise […]
It was one of these surreal sleeps I have. I am dreaming but in my dream it’s like I am awake. I can’t move or talk. I almost wonder if I had a seizure. I eventually wake up really out of it and it takes a while for me to get back to sleep. There are always some sort of vibrations, this time it was violent chills in my arms. I guess I would call it a vivid dream. I have probably had 4 or 5 of these that I actually remember. All within the past 20 years. They always scare me. Mainly because I […]
I keep dreaming about the child I lost and about his father that mistreated me every night. I can’t sleep (because even thou I am asleep, I can’t rest), I wake up with tears in my eyes. I feel tired and emotionally exhausted, and being awake makes me feel miserable so I try to sleep as much as I can. I really feel like giving up and I wish I could close my eyes and not wake up.
It’s a tragedy, really,
How I spent so much time
On you.
You used to make me feel invincible,
Like the world was mine.
But now I’m alone,
With you running through my mind.
It hurts to know that you’ve moved on
While I’m stuck here
Surrounded by my destruction.
The thought of you still keeps me awake.
You’re gone but you’re everywhere;
And you’re not coming back.
It’s time to move on.
I have given up.
I’ve been trying to act somewhat ‘normal’, and not like everyone is trying to murder me. It’s difficult, to say the least. I can’t keep up with emotions anymore. I’m not reacting to things I’m supposed to, and I’m reacting differently than I should in other situations. I’m getting yelled at for being ’emotionless’, and I’m getting yelled at for ‘behaving inappropriately’.
The voices are constant now, specifically the running commentary and the laughing. The demons missed last night again, but I’ve saw the shadow people throughout the day instead.
My mood has been ridiculously low all day, anger being the most prominent one. It’s not even […]
Dear Lord in Heaven,*Not that i believe in thee….heheh*
Why am I still up at this hour??????????????????????????? Going on 99 hours awake now, god this does suck.
Kaylee Dee
Is it me or does this whole thing kind of rhyme????
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
2016 Valentine’s Day coping mechanism:
Had insomnia the night before…. stayed awake until 7:00 in the morning on the 14th. Slept for a little bit, then woke up with migraine. Took migraine prescription and went back to bed, slept until 6:00 in the afternoon at which time my back and bone pain woke me up.
Took pain meds, sat in bed. Ate a snack.
Turned on the laptop, checked e-mail (nothing from anyone), and surfed around for a moment before visiting […]
It is almost 5:30 in the morning here.
I have been awake all night long.
I’m going to try to go to sleep again in a few minutes.
Yesterday I printed out my funeral wishes (and other legal papers involving end-of-life issues), signed them, and gave them to two of the officials I trust at my place of worship.
They probably assumed my concern was due to my declining health and the degenerative disabilities which aren’t getting better.
They know I am depressed, although I haven’t mentioned the “S” word […]
Yes, this…
Plus wildly varying degrees of insomnia followed by just the opposite: days and nights where I can sleep for 12-14 hours at a time. Then more insomnia.
Clearly my brain flips a coin about this every night, (which might explain some of the migraines.)
Brain on Monday: “Oooh, tails! That means we stay awake staring at the ceiling all night!”
Brain on Tuesday: “Hey, look, heads! Now we get to sleep for 13 hours!”
Brain on Wednesday: “Wow, the coin landed on its side. I […]
I answered;
the scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
o the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain of emptiness
the scariest part
is the realization
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking as you lay awake at 2am
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can’t even cry
because you don’t even care
Welp tonight I drank about a quarter of a bottle of coricidin so that’s like what only 2 or 3 doses? I feel terrible…… I can barely stay awake, yet I can’t sleep…… It’s not pleasant, yet it is. I like this drowsyness, yet still being alert…… But I did cut myself though, that’s not exactly great…… Right before a potential job interview too (for a dishwashing position) I will probably need to show my forearms since I will probably be expected to wear short sleeves, it’s easy to do with people I don’t care about, but still these are larger than normal…. There aren’t […]
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep. I’ve had barely any sleep this past week. It’s getting bad again. I’ve slept 2 nights (Monday and Wednesday , I think) for about 4/5 hours each night, and the hours weren’t consistent. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, with falling back asleep awful. But despite this sleep deprivation, I need to stay awake. I need to watch in the night for them. They’re in my room constantly. Watching me. I need to stay awake so they don’t get me. The only time I can sleep is when they’re not there – which […]
It’s 4.15 am. Had horrible nightmares and awake since then. It’s been hours and it’s been years. I can’t sleep properly.
I won’t say all 365 days are like this. I guess, I have okayiesh days also, I won’t say good or wonderful because 2015 was the wrost year of my life.
I was a failure in 2015 at many tasks, two of them were, giving lot of happiness to my soul mate and ending this miseryful life. But I guess these two tasks can’t be completed at once. I failed lots of times at killing myself. In 2015 I was too close to finish the task […]
I’ve been coming down with something lately . And I’m so tired . I can’t stay awake in class either. This week has been shitty. I’m sad, but I’ve got a job interview this weekend. I’m excited. It’s the only thing giving me hope at the moment .
This is my first post and I am in a horrible place. I tapered off all of my psych medications in 2014-2015 and am still in Post Acute Withdrawal. On top of that, I’m just a messed up person and I have been all of my life. I just need to vent, if that’s okay.
I am clueless at how to function in any aspect of life. My taxes are messed up, which is a huge trigger for me right now. I inadvertently have messed up my taxes in different ways for years now. One year I forgot income because my financial advisor switched companies and […]