Today is so shitty . And I don’t know why. I’m sad . And angry today . I’m so tired too . I’m sitting in the back at work because I feel like I’m gonna be sick. And I listen to this song . It reminds me of me . I’m sad . Life is horrible . and I don’t like my life . I don’t think I amhappy . I am happy when I get new clothes , or my love talks to me. or when I eat food . But other than that I hate life . I am always so fucking tired […]
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24 years old female. My life has two parts: Happy with obstacles for 14 years and been miserable for the other ten years.
Before you read, please don’t forget that my experiences that I’m going to write, happened when I was a child and in my teens. So evaluate them according to my age that time.
Happy with obstacles happenings:
* At the age 4, my parents divorced. I’m with my mom since then..
* My father was away in another city but we adored each other so much and he was proud with all the qualities I have. We spent the summer holiday and semesters together. […]
the emptiness coming back in and consuming me. I feel so alone, the holidays are coming up and my birthday is coming up. But honestly I have no one to celebrate with so what’s the point. On thanksgiving I will be home alone, no family, no food, even if I tried to plan something it would end up a mess. My birthday well forget that I’ll be lucky if anyone remembers or shows up. Christmas will be empty and I’ll bring in the new year alone what a wonderful thing. I’m so heart broken, sad and empty and it hurts to be alive right now. […]
the same end after any fight
tried to be a hero smash the bad guy , so guess what
back to cut again back to cry back to anger back to be a suicidal again ..! it’s not a big surprise I guess .. maybe just its who I am
a smashed one
Nostalgia: Part 1
The other day, a song came across my iPod that I haven’t heard since high school. At first I was like, “Wow, I love this song. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it.” Then it reminded me how much simpler things were for me then. I didn’t have as many responsibilities, my depression wasn’t nearly as bad then as it is today, etc.
But when I hear a song I listened to after a fight with my parents, friends, or after a breakup, I would start feeling that pain again. I would remember how much I was hurting and it was almost like I […]
the bruises they fade, and the scars disappear. yet I’m stuck here hurt beyond disbelieve, looking for answers I can’t find within myself. the memories burn in the back of my mind and come creeping back any chance they get. the way her hands hit my face so effortlessly, or the way degrading words flew out of her mouth. I never felt so small, so afraid. I lay there helplessly on the ground, pleading for what seemed like my life, but not even that would stop her. then the next day would come and there would be flowers, or a heartfelt letter apologizing. I knew […]
Dreams better than reality? Why Dream is better than reality? Why is Dreams better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
Thinking about my teen years makes me really sad . When I was a little younger a lot of my friends were couple of years older then me, in their 20s. And I did a lot of drugs with them.. Too much lsd and psychedelics, cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, pills. yeah you get the point . I honestly started not to care as a teen and after I was off drugs I was always really sad . I didnt have really friends when I went through this stage . I remember a time when I took a Xanax and two tabs of acid and […]
I’m scared . I’m in a happy state right now . I have been for a week or so . But I know that in about a couple weeks or a month I will go back to being really depressed . I know it will get worse . It does every time . My brain is so weird .
For anyone who has manic depression like I do… Or bipolar you know is a complete mess . Well depression is a huge mess honestly . Love this song. Makes me wish I lived back in the days to see him.
Hi everyone. 🙂
The short version of this is I might not be on SP as much in the future. The longer version is just a vent about everything that’s been going on lately.
It seems surreal to me that only a couple of months ago I was texting a friend to say I thought I was starting to recover from depression. I’ve said it twice in the last five to six years. Things started to get worse again this time when my ME/CFS got worse. That seems to be improving now, although it’s been up and down lately, but the depression is still going downhill.
I cut […]
Its not suicide I’m scared of, its what might happen if I don’t succeed.
What would my mother do? Would she pretend that it didn’t happen just like when she found out I had hurt myself a few years back? Would she disown me? Or would she be there for me and get me professional help?
What would my friends do? Would they call me an attention whore? Would they completely bail on me? Or would they stay with me and help me?
And school. What would happen with school? Would I get looked down upon my all of my teachers? Would they not take any notice at the fact that […]
Only one reply? Ya’ll must be disgusted and disappointed with me. Yes I know I did bad. I went back to see how it would be. And it wasn’t so bad this time. Started off slow and little communication but picked up later on when the roommates showed up they’re actually cool people and I’m getting better at talking in a group and not sounding like a fucking idiot so that’s good too. But yeah I’m a sucker because I went back, brought food, and ended up rearranging my financial schedule a little to cover him for a little bit of bud because he gets […]
I was temporarily away. Everything came to be too much, leaving me bedridden for a few days. I slept so much that my bed began to stink and my body began to rot, in a sense.
I really didn’t want to return. I had left behind a huge mess, thinking that I was finally going to exit for good and consequently avoid it.
But, unfortunately, I’m still here. My method was poorly carried out that Wednesday morning.
So, fine. Physically, I’m here. I’m present. On this planet, I have mass.
Spiritually, though, I’m gone. I’m away. I’m not “beyond”, but I am absent.
When I came back the next week, […]
When I was a little kid I didn’t understand why people would be so sad and depressed, I didn’t understand any of this. I thought they just needed to tough up.
Now I am a 15 year old and all I want to do is disappear. I want to just leave and sethre all the relationships I have. I don’t want to die but I would die to disappear.
Last year when I was 14 I started getting severely depressed, but then I didn’t know what depression was. I just wanted to start running away and never turn back, I wanted to disappear so badly I would […]
I lived with this disease for many years and have yet to achieve peace. I have been able to hide it from many people by pushing them away when it gets bad. I want to leave so badly to make it all end, but I don’t have it in me (yet) to leave my young son. I know my wife is planning on leaving me and due to my condition, she will get full custody. I am not really sure what to do. Part of me wants to pack a bag & head somewhere to make it all go away and the other part is […]
To all the people reading these, I would like to ask you to do something before you think about/try to commit suicide. Think about the people you love, friends, family, crushes who ever you love. Now think about all things you haven’t done yet that you want to do, anything to reading a certain book or skydiving or even sex. Think about it, you can’t do any of things you want to do when you’re dead, right? So why waste it? Stay alive for the people you love because they most likely love you back even more! Stay alive for all the things you want […]
The only thing that holds me back is destroying my family and those who love me. My mom would be absolutely devastated. My suicide would probably kill her. And I don’t want to leave my dog either. But sometimes I’m like fuck it all, I don’t care anymore. And then I feel really selfish.
I don’t know if I can take it much longer. I’m gonna tell my therapist about my suicidal thoughts for the first time tomorrow (at least I’m gonna try).
Right now I feel I’m a really weak person. I fucking hate myself.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. […]
The problem is when you think you overcome the depression it just comes back 2x harder. I keep thinking about different ways of how I could escape this life and end up dead. I’m stuck in this black hole again and I’ve sunk even deeper then before I don’t even see anyway of getting out and I’m even scaring myself with how I’m isolating myself , I’m normally the girl that will do anything for a dare and I do crazy stuff because I know how short life is.
I don’t know if I love you anymore. I mean, I do love you, but I don’t know if I love you like I used to. After four years together, maybe we’re just in a rut or routine. I enjoy doing things with you–going places, playing games, conversing, but I don’t feel romantically drawn to you anymore. I also don’t feel drawn to anyone else though either. I still love you as a person, but not as a lover most of the time. I don’t know if you’re holding back romantically to let me deal with my issues, or because you’re feeling the same. I just […]