I tried to help a friend – a dear dear friend
It backfired – he hates me
I have nothing nothing left
I am leaving tonight – probably in a few minutes
They may not find me – hopefully not
My kids deserved better
My friend deserved better
I am sorry God
I tried
I failed
And the world is no more worse off than when I entered
Now I leave no more breathing, no more tears
I’m done
Goodbye
I’ve been getting better. But I just have this feeling that I won’t be here for much longer. I acknowledge the gifts I have but I could never imagine a future where I’d be able to share them with anyone.I can’t shake this feeling,its like I’m dying bit by bit. I can’t even imagine the pain that my family woulf be in if I killed myself,its as if it doesn’t matter to me anymore.I don’t think anyone will be surprised when it happens. I’m scared because I’m not even sad about it,this unsettling acceptance of death. I wish I could see what […]
When you come to think of those hard times you’ve been through you would think that you wouldn’t want it to happen again. Even though i have a boyfriend I know that i can’t lean on him when i’m upset or depressed because whats the point in bringing him down as well as myself… there is no point just because i have a fucked up life doesn’t mean i should fuck up anyone else’s and even though it pains me to write on here expressing my feelings i know that others have been feeling the same way as i have been and still am. Don’t […]
How can I
Wind
Pluto had better chance
Waiting for it to grow
I’m worst than a skeleton
Away from existence
Can I go
Then, until other
The only place that I can
Is, lose
Of singing
Traditional of my origin
I go
A light year ago
It’s a terrible statement but I never let it leave my side. That sickening realization that I’m done with this fight. Moments kneeling on the bedroom floor sickened by the entity I had absorbed, no more. I would not let the self-scrutinizing endeavor endure a precipice a monologue questioning my every motive. My disaster stricken heart feeling broken, my emotions quoted spilling out of a broken vase taking the place of what was once your emotion.
Diluted with tears, an open book scribbled with fears engraved pools of ink I’m vocally shook; and I’m tired of telling myself that it’s gonna change.
Taken by the spectacular lie […]
I’ve always worked at being a good person, being respectful of others etc. Some reason I just mess everything up. Everything I touch turns to shit. I don’t mean for it to be this way but I end up screwing it up anyway.
I’m to weak to deal with this grief and pain that I feel. I’m a burden to everyone around me and a pathetic excuse for a person. What’s the point in hanging on for better days when they don’t come. I have never meant to hurt anyone I was just born a loser
my mind isnt racing, and it feels nice. i think alot of my problems are indeed mental illness. im working on taking my meds consistently, and also getting my health issues worked on also. But i realize that my mood swings, racing mind, and all that is a part of mental illness that i refused to acknowledged. I chose to hopefully be a high functioning bipolar person (and keep working on my health issues). i hope this mood stays. it is such a relief. (i still miss my libido though).
In last domain, like breaking my leg
Was it the smell of the soy-sauce
Like burning plastic
Never, touch me
Weezing and the Muk
The benign in self-destruct
A peasant from thousands of years ago
Had it better
How can I quit, and press start
Maybe I should of tried to be in Africa
Darn, what do you think
.
Your pain is truly tragic.
You hoped and dreamed.
However the world just
isn’t they way you planned.
It isn’t what you imagined.
Yet you sit here and say
“I will kill myself,
and make the pain go away.”
But it’s just a hope,
that something is better.
That leaving is going to be grand.
But what if,
it’s not quite,
what you hoped,
and dreamed,
it would be.
It’s not what you
Imagined,
not what you wanted.
Well doll,
there’s no going back.
I dont understand why i hate myself to where i want to die. Somehow i envy the dead. Theyre so peacful and here are us. Walking about in agony and such sadness. Why cant things be better? Why do I try so hard and end up going no where or being the fifth wheel? what am i meant for besides being a total failure?
Tried to see a better way, nope it all is ouch and stink. Add all the enthusiasm for the Hunger Games, Horror shows and a breed that uses murder, force and left-for-dead budgeting for the “us-es” to get their meat, “keep life going”, generally in forced labor, see police…. What a design. Suppose Darwin is right, does this make creation sexually, morally or mentally satisfied? Intelligent Design serves money and efficiency, obsoleting humans (small buses – all abstract concepts).
To who, where or what? I got to experience the thrill of victory or just be the next prisoner or meal, darn. Oh yeah, save the family […]
I try to do all the things they say, the things that will make me “better” or make me “normal”. Those magical promised results do not come and I feel robotic and alienated. I feel stuck in a spiral of self blame. I do not have the possibility of a better future to cling to, I am not young and filled with endless potential. It seems impossible to find a community or group to fit into, I’m just too different in ways that make people consider me non human. Someone who does not have basic human desires is uncomfortable to be around. Amongst other things. I have never […]
Ive made mental lists physical lists of pros and cons. Ive tried to envision how my choice impacts all others. Will it be better or worse for them? Will i truly be better off? I know im tired of hurting and fighting and some people in my estimation will be better off. That’s one of the hard parts of struggling with suicidal thoughts. Unlike other big decisions you cant honestly consult close friends or experts and get good useful feedback like you can with other big decisions. I know i want to stop hurting and i dont want others to hurt either by my continued […]
I’m new on here but I just want to know is there a way for me to kill myself with seroquel, Norco, Voltaren, flexeril, and hydrocodone? Or would it just be better to use a gun and blow my freaking brain out?
Incase you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm. Its not even noon yet and I am already being bitched at by people. being blamed for every single little fucking thing. I seriously cant wait to be at school again . Living alone is much better than dealing with drama and suicidal thoughts this early in the morning. not by much but regardless its better than nothing. I already added some new scars that should calm me down and hold me over for a while emotionally till i need to do it again. I swear I am sometimes too emotional and kindhearted for my own good. Why […]
I won’t bore you with a backstory. But it’s not good – abuse, death etc. etc. Back in November I fell in love with this girl. I’d been in long and serious relationships before but this was a very different feeling. After things went, for want of a better word, tits up I gave up on the idea. When I found out it wouldn’t work I got severely depressed. It also sparked OCD, insomnia and anxiety. I felt a little better one day and developed a relationship with someone else however my feelings for her faded and the feelings for the first girl came back […]
I’m scared because the only thing that has kept me from going over the edge are my boys and it seems lately that isn’t enough. I know those feelings are selfish and they make me feel like a horrible person and mother. Which just pushes me further to edge. I’ve tried to talk to a friend and I just keep being told that I’m fine, maybe I’m PMSing. I can’t find anyone to talk to me seriously and I’m afraid that if I talk to a doctor they’ll take my kids away. I don’t want to die but I can’t live like this.
I don’t know what I am. I feel like saying I’m depressed will be an insult to those who have it worse. I don’t know what I want from life, I just know that this isn’t it. Sometimes I try to pinpoint the exact moment in my life that I became like this, then I realise I was always this thing. This thing that doesn’t deserve to live. I know sometimes the best people we know think of themselves as absolute trash, but believe me I’m a terrible human being. I’m toxic. I keep hurting the people around me, especially my mother. I find myself getting […]
I’m struggle to let the real me be free and not be this person who I am now that is consumed with anger and resentment, negativity, and ignorance. I’m trying hard to be a better person, I want to be kind to others and be nicer to my parents, but it’s hard when people around me treat me poorly and when my parents don’t respect me and put me down. How am I suppose to be the person I want to be when I’m surrounded by negativity, judgements, and downers? I feel like taking my antidepressants again, even though they make me feel like […]
1. You should not have to rip yourself into pieces in order to keep others whole; don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm
2. Even the smallest violin plays a sweeter sound than the worlds loudest explosion
3. Everything happens for a reason/everything is happening just as it should
4. Friends can break your heart too
5. Believe in yourself. You can achieve anything you set your mind to
6. Only you can decide your worth, not others ***** Don’t compromise yourself in order to impress someone else
7. Never say no to adventure or you’ll lead a very dull life
8. Remember who’s been there for you from the […]
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