Still dealing with anxiety, schizophrenia, depression..I met someone. Who promised fight until I get better. Who promised to stay with me even on my worst days. It’s been 5 months and surprisingly he still with me.. but I’m scared of losing him. He’ll get tired of me, my breakdowns are because of him. Because I just think of the day he’ll leave me, I feel so stupid but I just can’t help it.. how am I supposed to deal with this without hurting him? It’s been hard for me. I think about him day and night, but, I also think about killing myself day and night. […]
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better
I hate my life and wish i was dead , My wife is a piece of shit and i hate her and am only sticking witth her because we have a baby together. Im soooooooooo sorry i had a baby witth her . If i could go back in time and change things i would. I find myself sacrificeing my happiness for the baby because i want him to have a better life than mine . I feel like crying everytime i look at my son , i feel horrible bringing him in this world with the person i did. Everytime i look at my […]
I went to visit someone that has been helping my mom. My mother respects this woman very much, because she sais she had been feeling a lot better ever since she’s been talking with her. So I made an appointment and I told this woman about my situation, she said a few things that sounded reasonable but at some point, while I was talking, she stoped me and told me I have been a cheap w*hor*e all this time, she said that it is what I am, that even if I was doing it without concious, all the same that was what I am behaving […]
Sometimes I feel like my depression is better, that this is just grief and anxiety. But even if it is, it doesn’t feel any easier. Maybe I can enjoy things more, sort of- I was able to paint this weekend- but on the other hand I can’t seem to write creatively. I had a short story due and for the first time since junior year of high school (about a decade ago), I missed a writing deadline. It was just like my brain wasn’t there. And while I can blame anxiety for my procrastination on my math homework, I can’t on the writing. Not fully. I […]
I found these two articles helped me feel a little better since it is related to my situation in many ways, and I thought that it’d be nice to share. Sometimes we are being mentally abused in ways that we are not able to perceive for ourselves by others whether intentionally or not. It helped me feel a little less weight on my shoulders and the mistakes I’ve made in the past. So I hope it does for you too.
10 Things I’ve Learned About Gaslighting As An Abuse Tactic
You’re Not Going Crazy: How “Gaslighting” Erodes Your Sanity
So I’m planning to quit my crappy retail job in the next couple of months. I’ve been thinking about it most of the 3+ years I’ve been there. I live with my folks, and they’re hoping to move within 6 months. I’m thinking I’ll go with them.
I figure I’ll have to quit then anyway, and if I do it before the move, I’ll have some time to sort my shit out a bit. If I wanted to carry on there, then I’d either have to travel 4 times as far from the new place (which would be ridiculous for the length of my shifts), or start renting my […]
I’m (supposedly) feeling less depressed. And yet why can’t I function any better? For the first time ever I’m late with turning in a (creative) writing assignment. I’m so embarrassed and even more stressed/anxious in that I don’t even know how I’ll get it done. I’m a good writer, but I just haven’t felt creative since my fiance and I broke up. Maybe painting I could do, but words and plot require thinking. I can write a beginning, even a beginning I like, but then I’m stuck. The only piece I wrote a significant amount of words to I now hate because of the direction […]
It’s 80 degrees today . I love spring . It came early this year . And trees are blooming .
Flowers and life make me happy. It makes me feel alive .
I love to walk on the grass barefoot . I feel connected to Mother Nature.
And I love sitting by the water.
Today is good . I think winter made me
Sad .
I also have been playing around with essential oils and spraying them. Aromatherapy is real. I feel like I’m in a better mood .
Today is just beautiful. I wanted to share that with you all .
I’m about to go hangout with friends and […]
The past couple of days have been really good for me.
I’ve been hanging out with some childhood friends again and surrounding myself with great people.
I’ve been trying not to put myself down as much, and if i catch myself doing so then i try to focus on something else like music.
I’ve been training for my new job. I’m excited. It’s going to be better than what i thought.
I’m just trying to look on the bright side of life. I spend too much time being pessimistic. And life is wasted if the only thing you do is feeling pessimistic.
I know i’ll have bad days […]
Just sitting here in school and all I can think about is cutting. I hadn’t done it in months. And then just like that my heart gets shattered and I’m back to it. Now, I can’t stop thinking about it. The sharp blade, the drip of my blood, the burn after.. I’m missing her like crazy. And she hates me. She never actually cared. She told me that. Showed me, too. She used me. She’s 23 and I’m 17. My mom found out I’m gay and won’t even look at me. Got a text at work last night where she was just reminding me, “Girls […]
I got into Portland state university . I applied for the hell of It and I got in haha . I’m seriously considering moving to Oregon from Virginia . Most of my sadness and anger comes from this state.
I’ve never been to the west coast though. But I feel like Portland would be nice . Oregon seems like it has lots of trees and nature .
I would feel so much better if I got away. I could meet totally new people, see new places , eat at new restaurants .
I hate seeing the same old boring stuff that’s been here since I was born […]
I have nothing better to do so I’m cutting myself. I feel to overwhelmed and unmotivated to do anything else, like studying for exams. I think I do it for attention to a certain extent because I do it in a noticeable place.
Despite working out and eating better im fatter. I got off of work early but im tired and sore. I cant turn on the tv without seeing shit about sex and relationships. I get it im too ugly to find anyone in real life i know. I fucking feel guilted by life to contacting my ex(met online) because i do worry about her and i know I’ll never get someone better. As proof of that someone else who ive met(also online) in the many months since we stopped talking and who i care about but who fucking abandoned and rejected me is in trouble. Idk […]
I’ve been trying to cry for more than a month but somehow I can’t. I’ve had the idea that crying could possibly make me feel a little better, but I can’t, I can only let off some tears but that’s it.
Im a mother of three. I wish that was enough to keep all the sadness and thoughts to end it away but it doesn’t. I actually feel they would be better off! I love them so much but I have no desire to continue. They r the only reason im still here though! I would miss them tremendously.
From cutting to smoking weed like I’m fucking Lucky Dube. Yep. At least the pain is better. That’s all I have to say.
I still want to die.
Not much to say other than I’ve totally lost it. I can do something about this, I could try again but I’ll only hurt people more. Tell no one and just go. Was I getting better? Probably. No it’s all gone to shit. Just want to curl up and shy away from everyone and everything. Nothing constructive from this just sadness.
Found out a couple days ago that if I commit myself to get help my roommate and mother will convince them I’m faking for attention and to have my released. They they would kick me out so I’m homeless, get rid of my dog, and destroy my computer. How awesome is that? Last night I disolved a large quantity of different drugs in a glass of water to drink. Tonight it’s still in my bathroom. Only reason I didn’t was that a friend of mine was falling apart, and I didn’t want to cause him more issues until he’s better. Now it’s so unbearable that […]
Today I thought would be like any other but it was better than normal
I didn’t want to die as much today then normal
I didn’t hate my friends
I wasnt feeling hopeless for once after a long time of sadness
But tomarrow will probaly be sad again
Hi, call me Kninea, and no that’s not my real name. We were told to not use them so this is my username now. Some of you have found this website the same way I did. Through a book, things like smooth passages. I have dealt with my own version of depression. Hasn’t everyone at least once in their life? I, myself, have fleeting moments of depression, but those moments are almost unbearable. I have decided to tell you my opinion on depression. I, honestly, have contemplated suicide, but I wouldn’t want my family to go through the pain I go through. That’s the only […]