This Saturday, I’m going to a One Republic concert. I was really excited because I was bringing my best friend Kathrine and my other friend Morgan. Morgan and I used to be best friends, but she started ignoring me this year. In school, she would give me these short bullshit answers every time I tried to talk to her. We used to sit right next to each other, but she put two people between us. And then when we got home from school she would text me, acting as if she’d never done those things. So, I started ignoring her outside of school. She got […]
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Bitch
So, I have been planning on suicide on the 3rd next month. People are telling me not too but, I literally can’t take the pain anymore. I cut last night and I was clean for more than 3 months! But, anyways here’s my pointless story..
So, Last year. ‘8-3-12’ I kinda thought I was in love.
About a couple months into our relationship it was getting a little depressed.
The guy, Jt, told me he loved me everything and then a couple days later,
He just left me and told me everything was getting taken away from him,
his phone,ps3, home phone, etc.
So, I said […]
Okay so, my best friend (let’s say her name is Anne). So Anne and I are best friend we tell each other all our secrets and we  always hang out, she truly is my best friend. Well one day Anne was feeling really down and she asked me to give her some guys that should could talk to so I Did. At the time I had a huge crush on this guy (let’s say his name is drew). So drew was the best he was sweet and kind and he said he had feelings for me.  I thought he could make Anne feel better. So […]
Well… I don’t know… I have three older brothers my first brother is 15 years older than me so I pretty much grew up without him, my second oldest brother is 12 years older hes nice sometimes but it seems like he’s always obsessing over me.. He calls me baby and says he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses most of the time forcefully and smacks my butt and I scream at him to stop and my youngest brother is 5 years older than me… He’s my closest brother.. It was so hard for me when he left for college.. I didn’t know […]
I’m so ugly. So fat. I can’t help but feel naked without my make up on. I feel ashamed to go out in public. Like people will laugh at me and call me names. I feel bad for people who have to look at me all the time, I’m sorry. I’m 5’4 and 173 pounds, I’m huge. I need to stop eating my feelings. Why does everyone have to be so mean though? I’m so nice to everyone else and all I get in return is getting called emo, slut, whore, fatass, ****… like what the fuck man? And then my friends parents accuse me […]
heavy duty shit in therapy yesterday. rejection, dismissal, self hatred etc etc. my psyche is fighting tooth and nail to keep some horrible thing secret. what that is i don’t know. saw the shrink last week. another appointment and a new script. losing faith in pharmaceuticals. there doesn’t seem to be anything out there for me. left the office angry and upset. felt rejected, dismissed, discarded. why exactly i don’t know. the doc didn’t do or say anything particularly egregious. it was like there was something i desperately wanted to communicate but i couldn’t find the words. then my 20 minutes was up. go away. […]
I feel that every time I say that, someone always says “Yes, someone cares, you just can’t tell” or something like that.
But it’s true, no one would care. I’ve been sent to numerous foster homes. It’s like a return at a store. You get a confident girl who is smart and good at soccer, and you return a beat and battered girl who just didn’t fit your family.
Yeah, it’s like I’m someone’s property.
Then I have my friends. Two are dead, one is dying. I’m just great at choosing friends. The rest hate me. After the first time I tried to kill myself, the were very comforting and […]
I’m not sure how to say this, I’ve never posted on something like this before. But I quit.
I’m turning 18 in almost 2 weeks, but I don’t think I’ll last that long. I’m depressed, I have been for a while, but instead of accepting that and finding a way to cope with it, my dad is ignoring it. I really noticed it after my mom passed away a year and a half ago. Granted, it’s normal to be sadder than usual during that time, I realize this. To try and cheer up, I tried looking back at the time before we learned she had cancer, […]
I have always struggled with anxiety and depression.
It started when I was 10, I had just started middle school.
I was Bullied. Badly.
Everyday after school I would rush out of the school and try SPRINT home so that the bullies wouldn’t catch me.
They usually did, And I usually went home physically and mentally abused.
I was depressed… but I NEVER thought about committing suicide.
It took a while but my parents finally noticed how depressed I was.
I went to counseling.
It helped, but It didn’t stop the bullies.
That February we moved cities to get me away.
My new school was much better.
I made friends, True Friends. I had my first […]
Hey sp. So just a little update I just returned home from my 2 week stay with my dad in Hawaii. It was absolutely beautiful and if anyone is looking for a beautiful and peaceful place to think about life definitely that is a place to visit and get your head together. Unfortunately my experience wasnt too great because of my bad relationship with my dad… He actually grabbed and shoved me after getting in my face and screaming and cussing me out. I thought he was going to actually hurt me but I got out of the house before he could physically harm me […]
My life has been so unhappy for the short time I’ve spent here. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD when I was only sixteen. My high school experience was horrible. I remember starting high school, I was so happy, excited, full of life. I remember one day walking up the stairs talking to a friends and they asked me how I could smile all the time for no reason. I can’t even remember the last time I truly smiled. I had an amazing group of eight girl friends, we had been close since middle school, then everything changed when I started hanging out with […]
I’ve been lying to myself and to everyone else and in my posts on this site for the last few months without really even realising it.
It’s just that I keep telling myself and everyone else that I’m super happy and super confident, telling the small minority of people who knew how broken I was in 2012 that I’m far from that now. I tell myself I’m strong and I’m happy and that I can do anything, when I’m sad I tell myself it’s not permanent and that I have to snap out of it. I’ve shaped myself into an unfeeling ***** and now I have […]
Haven’t I done this before? Shouldn’t the shaking hands and bone aches and sniffly nose have stopped by now? I mean it’s been, what, seven months now? Isn’t that enough? Jesus. Sobriety isn’t worth it if this is what it comes with. I thought physical withdrawals were supposed to stop after a couple months. Does anyone know if it’s even fucking possible for them to go away and come back again later? Or is this all a mental ting? I don’t want to relapse 3 days before I graduate, so I would love to know if I’m just losing it or if this is just […]
“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me: I quit!’â€
― Bill Maher
“When you’re young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you’re laughing again.â€
― Marilyn Monroe, My Story
“We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.â€
― George Sand, Mauprat
“What’s the big fucking deal? Lots of amazing people have committed suicide, and they turned out alright.â€
― Emilie Autumn
“I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.â€
― James Baldwin
“She […]
It’s nearly midnight and what’s happening? The thoughts are returning…..The voices are speaking..no, YELLING at me >.< I can hear them now….. “Die ***** die!” “Who says you’re worth living?” “You don’t deserve to live. Your own parents didn’t even want you. HA!”
The thoughts destroy me, kill me, suffocate me, eat me alive. My demons…they’re real. They exist. I don’t want to go on but..I have to. Not just for myself. I’m not living for myself anymore. I’m living for him. And her. For them. They may not care about me but I love them with all my heart.
It’s like…I can scream at them and […]
I can’t remember when I haven’t felt like I am  just waking up because I have to. If it was physically possible just to continue to sleep – I would. I hate facing the day. I drive home hurt and scared and angry every day. I fail as a wife, I fail at being what I feel I should at my job…I am a burden of misery to my best friend whom I ***** to every day. She moves to Germany soon and I know our friendship will fade away. Every day is the same. Most nights during the week I just cry myself to sleep.
People keep […]
I have never loved or detested anything more intensely than the world I was born into.
You terribly-scary-albeit-painfully-beautiful little piece-of-precious-shit, you.
You are a *****, but you are my *****.
I chose a time, reality and a life.
I gave myself a checklist of things-to-learn-in-this-lifetime, but  I ripped it up before I could cross out even a decent number of them the moment I got here.  I fucked it up gloriously.Â
With my severely depressed, perpetually melancholic state of mind, I doubt if I can proceed any further.
It has reached a point where I can derive solace and safety only from my sorrow.
That, is not the true nature of my spirit.
I need […]
The Universe told me not to go to the park that day.
As I pulled into your driveway, my phone buzzed.
You were calling me. Why?
“Scide is going to kill me. Scide is going to kill me.”
Your voice is gurgled and muffled by your tears.
I burst in and your ‘girlfriend’ isn’t there.
You’ve locked yourself in your room.
Open the door. She knows about everything and it’s all my fault and now she’s gone. Open the door, Scide. I deserve to be punished. Open the fucking door. Go away. If you hurt yourself, I’ll go away, too.
You become silent, this entity […]
You haven’t slept at home for over two and half years, and I get it i’m 16 now but this started when I was 13 and a half. I don’t need you know because I’ve learned to do this myself to wake up every morning at six and shower, make my lunch, get ready and then wait for you too show up and drive me to school. You evolve everything around your boyfriend. I really just want you home. I want a mom I can talk to about the gossip going around school about the boy I like and anything. “Dads” been out of the […]
i was talking to this girl today. and she told me that she has started self harming. people call her anorexic because she is so naturally skinny. she says she hates her body so much and she cries every night and she thinks she is so ugly.
this girl is one of the main reasons i started self harming. over a year ago, she made me feel worthless and i got depressed.
i have just found out today that she is just as sad and self consious as she made me. i wanted to just yell. i wanted to scream ‘karmas a *****’! but i didnt. i […]