It may look like scribbles to you but they are words just 2 words “worthless” and “useless” (there is more words I have written this way but can’t bend my arm to get a pic) I needed to feel something I need to feel pain. (I also drew death with his scythe which I can’t bend my arm far enough to take pictures of that…) No I’m not bleeding tbh the site of blood makss me feel quite queasy. But […]
Tag:
bleeding
I’m never going to be the same, it’s still here in my head and it’s not going away. The voice in my head.
He’s me but not me, how do you describe yourself when you don’t even know who you are anymore. He knows me better than anyone else, better than my parents ever will, better than my “friends” ever will. I don’t think even she can save me anymore. It’s been too long.
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to go to university to study maths. Now I can’t hardly do a sum without thinking about her, or what I’ve done since, what I’m […]
i fucked up my arm last night. it still feels tingly and weird (and painful), and i think it’s still bleeding… i’m so fucked if i need stitches. i just wanted to see the blood drip. i didn’t want to mess my arm up like this.
in other news, i haven’t seen or spoken to my family in a week, and even though it was my choice to isolate myself, i still feel like crap. hearing them laugh and get along just fine without me, no concern whether i’m dead or not in this tiny room… i mean, this is what i wanted. i don’t want […]
I feel terrible for pushing him away; for the way I push and shove and keep him at a distance.
I’ve done this dozens of times. He won’t let me do it to him, he says. I laugh because they all say that.
I self-destruct. I don’t know what to do with my pain, and so I turn it back on myself. I make them leave, then I tell myself I deserved it, that it was bound to happen.
It’s been three months. Three months of calling me beautiful, inside and out. From stopping my wounds from bleeding out with his bare hands. Telling me he can handle […]
My car destroyed, glasses and phone broken, and me bleeding all over the fucking pavement mistaking a concussion and shock for dying.
It was such a relief. Except then I didn’t die. Not even close. And everyone tells me it’s a miracle and all that matters is I’m here. What can you say to that? “I feel so lucky and grateful for your care. You mean everything to me. And yet, somehow despite all of that I continue to actively seek and desire death, even knowing how much it will hurt you.”
I haven’t tried to kill myself in eight years because the last time ruined everything and […]
I am theloser102. The one and only loser in my sovereign city.
On November 21st, 2015 at 11:00 PM at night, I decided it would the perfect time for me to finally find peace. I went to the area with lots of trees near my house and used a rope I bought. For the sake of following the rules, I’ll leave it at that. The aftermath however……
My suicide did not work, even after three tries. The only damage that was done was a few rope burns on my neck and a little bleeding, I couldn’t believe it. I ensured everything was well tight and was highly […]
“What keeps you from cutting?”
This question was posed upon me by my therapist recently. My answer was that I want success more than I want momentary relief from psychological pain….
So it’s just not worth it to cut anymore. Also I haven’t yet admitted to the frequency and intensity of suicidal ideation I’ve been enduring since we started talking about “what happened”. I don’t like talking about my uncle and the incest, it hurts me deep inside. I feel like I’m bleeding internally but when I vomit up my anxiety it is nothing but acrid yellow phlegm. I essentially want to rid myself of these demons […]
Hello lovelies. Sorry about not posting lately… things have been a tad bit crazy. Got rushed to the ER last night, and seven hours later, the doctors still don’t know what’s wring with me heh. But I guess my internal bleeding wasn’t extraordinarily alarming, because I was able to go home. I’m hoping it isn’t anything too horrible… and now I’m sitting in my room, not only bleeding internally, but externally. Somehow, this damn razor jumped in my hand and my thigh got in the way…It seems once a cutter, always a cutter. I thought I was getting better; better in the physical sense. The […]
World is crazy
Not always bothered about us
Humans animals
Today is a lonely day for me
Sitting in the gallows of shadow
This is the type of day I call for knife
My friend
Listening to sad song
That express my sorrow and loneliness
I make one cut second and than third
And i sit bleeding
Reflecting on my life
Trying to figure out the meaning
Life
Death
What’s the point of it
As the day ends
I give my life another chance
Alrighty, here goes nothing. I am trying to not cut, as per usual, and instead of cutting, I find inspirational stories on the web- pictures of healed scars, supportive tattoos etc. Unfortunately I ran into one of those memes that says something about cutters not cutting the right way and why don’t you use a lawn mower and only emo kids cut because they just want to fit in… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Cutters cut because they are in so much fucking pain, or they are so numb or so hurt or so damn traumatized that the only way they can […]
I’m jealous. Not with what you would think, but I’m jealous of the people that gained enough courage to end their life. I’m jealous of the people that have cancer. Believe me, I’d trade my healthy body for yours. I know I don’t want to be here. I’m 19 and I already have my will written waiting on the day I finally muster enough courage and kill myself. I actually laugh because I like to cut myself to feel the pain and see me bleeding but I want a painfree death. I try to be happy but I fool everybody but myself. I’m not happy. […]
somebody stole my car radio, and now I just sit in silence.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve cut myself 3 times today, and I keep throwing up. i am a sack of shit, bleeding and spewing garbage.
i want to disappear. I can’t live without my sister.
I have always told myself that contradictions can be a good thing and a bad thing all in itself. Good ones teach us how to make good choices in life but the bad ones show us how bad this can really be. But life gets really hard when you are a living, breathing, and bleeding contradiction.
I am a contradiction because I love the warm feeling that life can give me, but i want nothing more than to feel the cold grip of death on my shoulder. I am a contradiction because so many people have told me that I am a gift and bring […]
Wishing my wrists were bleeding,
to stop the pain from the beatings.
The trees are screaming
The baby’s bleeding
And you my love, you are crying
Why do you weep?
So sorrowful
All these secrets you do keep
But if we could only talk
Maybe it would help
I wanna make it okay for you
I don’t know how
When I see your face
I smile and I cry
Coz every time I see you
It’s been longer than the last
And then we leave without ever speaking
he only time I’m at peace is when I’m sleep. Every day is a struggle just to live now shouldn’t that be simple?? it takes hours to calm my mind down after I’m at the point to where if I cut any deeper ima have to crazy glue it closed to slow down the bleeding..Yea I do that sometimes..It burns like shit but it works. I hate being depressed all the fucking time
This is a fairly long rant so I apologize ahead of time.
I read up on something called emotional abuse today. Apparently I myself am being abused. To put things into context I’m in 9th grade and I live with my father. I had thought abuse was when a parent raped you or beat you up everyday. Multiple sources said it isn’t always physical. My father’s been abusive for as long as i can remember; the earliest dating back to when I was maybe two and he nearly pushed me down a flight of stairs. I always thought his temper was normal, that this was just […]
I am seriously considering suicide right now; the past week and a half truly. I know most people on here are suicidal but up until recently I’ve just been battling depression and self harm….. but now I could do it at any time….its a constant pro-con battle in my mind. I keep trying to reach out because i feel myself slipping away, but my effort is only met with rejection and bitter disappointment.
Me, in the bath tub. Fully clothed, bleeding out. Seventeen days from now. My birthday. My death day. I attempt every year on this day. My D-Day. Twenty one, on the twenty eighth.
Howdy!
so this is my first post. I’ve stumbled across this site a few times but never posted. I’m currently an inpatient on line of sight in a psychiatric hospital. I’m 30, I’m a doctor and I’m married with two kids. So plenty to live for. I’ve a hold load of baggage which I’m not even going to go into.
ive been in hospital sectioned for 18 months. On Friday I nearly died. Despite being on line of sight (1:1 obs all the time) I tied a ligature to asphyxiate myself. I used a bed sheet and it was very quick. I was resuscitated and […]
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