Tag:

clean

Back again

by Matel 1/6/2016

written by Matel

After about a month or so I’m back to SP with my suicidal thoughts. Is this a surprise? Of course not. Have been reading SP since 2011, 5 years. When will this end? When I accept what happens to me and move on (god forbid), or i do the right thing and end my existence. I hope the latter happens. Soon, clean and unpainful. I know I won’t do it though, I have too many unknowns about ending it.

Back to SP 🙂 I like this place. As I’m writing this I feel a warm feeling as if I’m home. I like you guys too, I […]

1/6/2016 0 comment

Feels good

by notsureifreadytogo 12/8/2015

written by notsureifreadytogo

Finished my will. It was really easy. I actually feel ok. Have a few letters to write, and a long train ride to the city to procure some things. Then to leave a clean house, check into a cheap motel, watch some family guy maybe, and write something time delay text messages. I’m actually so relieved. The nightmare is almost over. Thanx SP. People in this situation need a judgment free zone like this. Such a simple thing. Makes such a big difference.

12/8/2015 9 comments

This is purely BULLSHIT!

by BrokenAngel8 10/29/2015

written by BrokenAngel8

Hey guys, I know its been a while since I last updated . These past few weeks have been extremely rough on me. With drama with friends and my sorority ( It is a long story!), A highly overbearing work demand from my classes, try to figure out what I’m gonna do with my future when I graduate ( Which I honestly have no clue yet!),Found out its gonna be at least 3 weeks or even longer before I can even get an appointment with my university’s counselor ( I mean seriously i know theirs like a thousand and more kids at that school but […]

10/29/2015 1 comment

p(r)etty death

by KayLassiter 10/23/2015

written by KayLassiter

i am gone, i am condemned
i am small, effortlessly
(i am dying — effortlessly)
there is very little left my bones
are here and go unnoticed — why
is the beauty passed over
if human eyes
are drawn to beauty why
are my hip and collar bones ignored
by you in bed and out
you do not look, you do not see —
you do not care
but you should.
if you care that i breathe you should care about my bones
they are my handle on the world — i hold
my hips to stay grounded
i am trying not to fall
and […]

10/23/2015 3 comments

Brain washing

by IsleyOfTheNorth 10/22/2015

written by IsleyOfTheNorth

I think it would be great if I could just open my skull and take my brain out. After that I put in the sink and just clean it. I rinse it down and wash it thouroughly. I wash everything away. Anxiousness, fear, depression, sadness and loneliness. After that I put it back in my skull and start a new happy life. That would be a hell of a thing.

10/22/2015 10 comments

Imagine …

by jadedkeizy 10/14/2015

written by jadedkeizy

Imagine you didn’t have your iphone no more and all electronic equipment stopped operating after some cataclysmic disaster ( Maybe spillage from a colossal nuclear tank arsenal , will leave you to imagine the worst case scenario).

This means no internet, mechanised farming is no more and therefore we have to forage for food in the wild. The money system has crashed and you cannot borrow a dollar from a neighbour because they are in the same condition as you.

There’s chaos in the streets, killing and pillaging. Fighting over food specks and there’s scarcity of clean water and the air is of course unbearably rancid. Imagine that […]

10/14/2015 10 comments

She asked me if I was having a particularly hard week, lol

by Disposable Human 10/12/2015

written by Disposable Human

So this is what I said:

Why do you ask?

Every week either gets progressively worse, or, it’s just the same droll, hermetic, life I don’t enjoy. I’ve lost everything but half my job. How could life be anything other than bad? I’m the loser that everyone laughs at. There’s no reprieve from the pain, so, I cover my costs and I shoot my dope (don’t get me started on all the precautions I take, I’m not trying to leave XXX yet). Thankfully, I haven’t been to jail or overdosed this week, which is good – considering my family doesn’t talk to me anymore since I refused […]

10/12/2015 4 comments

Reaching 1 Year of Being Clean!

by ghost187 9/21/2015

written by ghost187

The title pretty much says it all haha. It was one year since I’ve last cut which was on September 3rd. I wanted to post on the day it was one year, but I honestly forgot because well I was kind of celebrating haha. That day for me didn’t go exactly how I wanted too. The one person that’s helped me stay clean since day one didn’t remember. I had to tell him and that didn’t make me feel really good, but the next day He apologized for not remembering and he hugged me really tight saying how much he loves me and […]

9/21/2015 2 comments

a week left

by melodychild 9/19/2015

written by melodychild

Im so excited! I only have a week left untill I’m out! till I’m done with life. Friday will be my death day, one day after my birthday. I could stick around and go through all the work of getting better, but I don’t want to. I know it’s selfish and I accept that. I know people will hurt, that’s why I’ve written each one a letter. I just gotta clean up some stuff, pick out the tree and I’ll be gone on Friday for sure 🙂

9/19/2015 6 comments

Relapsed after 2 months

by Lovebug4142 8/19/2015

written by Lovebug4142

So I have been clean from self harming and drug use for a whole 2 months, that was until yesterday when I did both. Yesterday was the Last teen therapy group I went to and everyone went to an amusement park together. Now I get attached very easily, so I knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye, so I took 4 pain pills. I had asked the director of the group if Ms. D (someone I got really close to) could take me home like she normally does. She told me no and I got really upset and we started arguing. When […]

8/19/2015 1 comment

Absolutely Exhausted

by Yours, Forever and Always 8/16/2015

written by Yours, Forever and Always

I’m so frustrated with how tired I get. I want to sleep all day, every day.

And I’m so annoyed that when I FINALLY get up the urge to clean my room, do my work, etc. my parents give me so much crap.

It’s like them giving me crap about my room isn’t enough. They have to give me crap about when and how I clean it.

It makes me soo angry!!

And then when I tell them how annoyed I am. They’re just like, “Well it only takes 5 minutes to clean up your room. I don’t see […]

8/16/2015 0 comment

I need strength…

by Bluerose 8/12/2015

written by Bluerose

Im doing my best not to cut. Been clean for years.. But i know that the sight of blood would calm me down…

I feel as if there is so much hate and anger inside me that i need to release some of the pressure.

I cant cut… Not because i want to live.
I cant cut coz im saving all my strength for aug 23.

I gave myself a chance and delayed it for as long as i could… Thats going to be my final day.

8/12/2015 2 comments

Kill me

by Lizzy 8/6/2015

written by Lizzy

14 days clean, down the drain tonight.

8/6/2015 2 comments

My story

by Anonymous 8/5/2015

written by Anonymous

I’ve attempted suicide 6 times in the last year. The pills are sitting next to me for tonight.

I became suicidal many years ago. I can’t remember quite when. I never acted until this year though.

I started self harming after my fourth attempt. I’m 57 days clean. The blade sits next to me as well, ready to be used.

My family hates me and I have no friends. There is no point for me living anymore. I don’t see why I hold on.

I recently stopped taking my medication. I just flush it down the toilet every morning. The medication makes me feel numb anyway.

I’m so broken I […]

8/5/2015 10 comments

Accept me please

by cte_saves_me 7/30/2015

written by cte_saves_me

I cant stop crying right now….. I used to be depressed and i have been clean for the past few months.. Thinking thay the summer would make everything better. It didn’t i started cutting again and had to hide my scars with my ankle bracelet and my mom has seen them and she yelled at me but stopped caring. Nowone cares anymore and im always spending my time alone…… My mom is alwyas telling me that im screwing up all of the time and she always gets mad at everything i do. And i dont think i can wait till senior year to be free […]

7/30/2015 8 comments

moon

by silvermoon 6/20/2015

written by silvermoon

i write the moon for you

the sad silver part

you thought would never shine

for you

i write the waves for you, soft currents

i know your pain is so immense

the moments they rejected you

let the waves wash healing waters

over all of you

let the moon cast away the darkness

with its silver beauty

forked tongue not of death but licking you clean

let the honey wash and heal you

i know this road is bitter

trust me, my darling

and some day let every word you could never utter

be spoken

like beauty

pearled

6/20/2015 6 comments

D day plus 100

by cronic 5/14/2015

written by cronic

Have a plan in place. Will have my house empty, clean, and pay as many bills as possible, as well as debt. Going to take vacation few days before. And any money left over will go to family.

Still working on the final note, but for sure don’t want services, just creamation, quick and easy. Only one person I want to say a few thing to first. BuT would only make me feel better, and her ask herself if she should have seen it commimg.

Going to slowly die, over the next 100 days, doing my best to show the world everything is peachy. And going to […]

5/14/2015 3 comments

heroin overdose

by dag 5/2/2015

written by dag

Yes, I have been addicted. Funny how the people who talk about addictions here don’t get many responses, but hey we bring it on ourselves right? Fuck the world and the judgements passed on addicts.

When I consider the prospect of overdose it makes me laugh. Essentially it’s the same thing as hanging yourself or shooting yourself (the end result being death), but because of the stigma around it, no one really wants to hear about the person who died of an overdose. No one really cares, but I don’t know why I even care to think about it. I mean, I do want to kill […]

5/2/2015 13 comments

Do you know who cleans a crime scene? More importantly, a suicide?

by mick9999 4/3/2015

written by mick9999

Police, paramedics, forensic scientists, none of these will clean a crime scene. If you kill yourself in your home, your body could sit there for some time while investigators rule out murder and/or robbery.

The body makes a huge mess, there is a lot of blood. If you shoot or cut yourself, you will leave a very large mess behind and by the time your premises are cleared to enter, your blood has started to solidify and soak into any dry space.

Like I said, none of those servicemen will clean the scene that you left. Your next of kin is expected to clean the mess, […]

4/3/2015 27 comments

Did you know…

by Skeleton100 3/23/2015

written by Skeleton100

that the earth is pregnant with buzzards?

And it’s going into labor…it’s convulsing…it’s going to squeeze out this bloody mass of preying creatures to pick clean the bones of those already dead.

I will finally be free

3/23/2015 0 comment

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