I am 19 and I’ve been cutting myself since I was 15. I cut on my legs so that no one will see them. I do it to distract myself from the sadness and emptiness and the constant thought of suicide. I feel like I’m not going to amount to anything, not going to do anything great with my life and be a complete failure. I’ve kept it a secret all this time. This is my first year in college and one of my new friends found out what I’ve been doing. She’s been tring to get me to stop but she doesn’t know what see’s doing. She […]
Tag:
Counselor
My story isn’t much,its not as deep as people who have been abused or raped once or many more times though I have experienced some things very similar,I know its tough and scary.
Unlike many I still have my family. They don’t hurt me physically but sometimes mentally/emotionally. Always being angry at the small things I do. Complaining at everything I do and also costantly repeating what one says is too overwhelming when I’m stuck with it for all of my life so far. Not for too long but 4 more years or even longer seems way too much.
I’ve wanted to die since I was […]
It’s fine
I’m fine.
everything is fucking perfect.
no.
wait.
that’s a lie.
it isn’t.
and it won’t be.
“comon you idiot, smile. fake it! fake it!”
shut up coscience.
Look, pick your damn head up.
look in his eyes.
comon!
look!
jackie!
“I can’t…”
“he’s crying.”
“i’m dead…finally.”
he’s crying.
no, he’s laughing.
they all are.
they all are happy.
she’s dead, she’s dead, out her ankle she bled yay yay she’s dead.
they chant.
fucking cunts.
how am I seeing this.
my death.
holy fuck am I dead.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
shut up.
no.
I’m fine…
It’s okay…
the warm fuzzy feeling i had last week didn’t last too long. the feeling that maybe life isn’t such a bad thing and maybe there was hope for the future. my talent for self sabotage rears its head again. it is a talent rooted in self protection. always waiting for the other shoe to drop. no good deed goes unpunished so to speak. if i feel good about myself and life karma always seems to find a way to kick me in the ass. i tell you god is one twisted mofo. but as i am constantly reminded i am still here. can’t be all […]
I used this website for a bit and it helped some to communicate with people who can understand the struggle of depression. i think i managed to be okay for two years.. but i had a downfall and im not really sure what exactly caused it but the point is.. im back and personally it got way worse.. i had mentioned how i had tried taking my life but i dont remember ever doing some of the things i have done in the past months.. almost a year already that i guess “the cycle” came back. ive actually reached out to professionals and i went […]
I’ve been trying not to talk about my personal life, but my therapy appointment kind of devastated me this morning and I need to talk somewhere. The counselor said that hospitalization might be a good idea, but the devastating part is that this is one of my “good days”. If a professional thinks that an average day in my life is “worthy of hospitalization”, then it’s fair to question my overall well being.
I feel as if I’m on death’s doorstep right now…
So..I hate my life to say the least, i’m a 14 year old girl and I know i’m too young to be feeling like this but its the truth. I really just don’t know if I can do this anymore. It feels weird the fact that I have to turn to a website but I just need to let it all out to someone who won’t tell me to ‘ get over it ‘ or that i’m just being ‘ stupid ‘. I used to be so happy, like always laughing, smiling and didn’t have a care in the world. It all started to change. […]
i told my parents about how i have a girlfriend now… big mistake.,. did not accept it at all.. so what if i like girls and guys?
ugh… worst night ever. and to add to it. my girlfriend dumped me.. so i told my parents for nothing… i tell my friends and theyre all like “you should of waited a month before telling your parents” and im like, wow! cant you just be here for me instead of telling me the things i should of done differently…
i wanted to start being close to my parents.. so i was gunna try.. well im done trying.. my mom […]
I don’t want to see anyone go through the hell i had to. I want to help.
by Daydreamer
written by Daydreamer
I am an 18 year old boy graduated from high school not too long ago. My first suicide attempt was after the first semester of Sophomore year. Drank half a bottle of rat poison because i was too chicken to hang myself. I never felt so alone as i did then. I was a ghost, my friends would talk to me but they didn’t care about me. They tried, but they never got me. The people who i loved the most my friends my family, it felt like i was nothing to them. Wen’t walking around everywhere with a hole in my heart wanting something […]
Some time this week, I was planning on cutting my arm really bad and then going to the nurse and counselor about it. What do you guys think would happen? Would they send me straight from school to a psychiatric hospital? Would they just call my parents and have them start taking me to a psychiatrist?
I was so ready to eat the berries. But then I got a text from a friend inviting me over next weekend, I realized that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t do it because I was weak. I couldn’t make myself do what I know everyone secretly wants me to do and it is killing me. I tried talking to the counselor but everytime I go in there I end up talking a about something else. she can’t help me because twice I was a coward.
I told my two best friends that i think i need help and that i thought i was borderline anorexic. the first one laughed and said that it was okay, then she turned the conversation to herself. like i don’t even matter. she turned to my other friend and said ‘i cut myself the other day after not doing it for so long.’ i wanted to turn to her and say ‘yeah, well i contemplate suicide every night and you ignoring my problems because you think all anyone ever cares about is you. thanks for letting me know you want me to stay here.’
the second person i told was […]
I’m almost 22, but I feel old. People have said that I am an old soul, but I think that’s just because I’ve had too much alone time to think. I’ve been mistrustful of people since I was a kiddo, and since then I have become isolated and friendless. My two younger brothers are going through their own psychological trials and keep to themselves. My older sister was like a beast when we were little, and I can’t even bring myself to express how much I resent the ways she manipulated and hurt me. I hardly talk to her. My mom is emotionally distant, due […]
Maybe it’s the way I look or the fact that I have a stutter that turns people off. Combined with having low self-esteem and poor social skills, who’d really want to talk to me, let alone be my friend? Every experience throughout my life has been nothing but miserable, and whenever I reminisce, I’m reminded of how much of a loser I was and still am. What’s even worse is watching my younger sister experience everything I missed out on.
High school was a complete nightmare trying to cope with my stutter, and bullying, along with having friends who did nothing but laugh at my disability, […]
Hi, i’m 15, I’m a girl, and I’ve been through hell. I’m a sophomore, and I know what its like to lose everyone you’ve ever had. My mom had me at 16, and starting at three years old, my mom was dating around a lot, got hip on drugs and alcohol. Both of my parents were VERY bad alcoholics. My mom was dating this guy that beat her, and made me watch, then my sister was born, I was three, taking care of a baby my mom couldn’t take care of.. We got evicted and lived in a car for a week when i was […]
My Junior year of high school, i used to perform self harm to myself. I had a lot of boyfriend trouble and my friends had completely stabbed me in the back and I just couldn’t take the humiliation anymore. Cutting became an overwhelming addiction and I couldn’t stop. Eventually my parents caught on to my behavior and one day my father came to me and asked if i wanted to wake up tomorrow and i said no. I was taken to the hospital so that i could immediately talk to psychiatrists about how i was feeling. I figured when i was done I would just […]
Everything is easier if you just stop caring, right? It’s easier if you just are alone as often as possible, right?
Then why do I still care? Why do I still check on a daily basis, to make sure my friend didn’t just go. It’s been about 5 days since he last posted. Ususally I wouldn’t be this worried, but his friend just took her own life and I can’t text him to make sure.And  I don’t know why I am suddenly thinking of all of this now. I am a wreck.
I’ve been thinking about it lately. Too much. How easy it would be to […]
I went crazy yesterday.
 Mom brought home the one who irrates me so. We had an agreement that I would get advanced warning we she was bringing him home. Yesterday she had left a message on my phone. I had be working in the barn and hadn’t had my phone with me. There’s a longer story but I ended getting upset and lost my ability to talk and think straight. I tried to contain myself/felt an explosion inside. Ended up mucking up two of my belongings(silently with no audience-it was the best I could do).
Today, he’s back again. Today there was not even a call before. […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]