I was only 6 years old when I was told I was to fat and my grandparents bribed me with $100 to lose 20 pounds… I did but little id I know this was just the beginning to my eating disorder…. Threw out schooling all the kids forced me to go on diets so I would look how they wanted and be like them so they did’t haft to been seen with ugly old me… After a while my parents joined into the torment… for as long as I can remeber I binged my problems away.. around grade 4 I started starving myself to be […]
Tag:
Couple Weeks
Why is life so unfair? I’ll never understand. I’ll never understand why people can be so cruel, why people die, why we cant be happy. We are in a world where people actually want to die. But not for selfish reasons, not really. We just want the pain to end. And people dont get that. Many times Ive dreamt about ways to die. My friend says its “a cry for help.” But when I was doing it I didnt care about wanting to be saved. I just wanted it to end, it meaning the pain, the depression, the sadness. I didnt mean to fail those […]
I saw a film I quite liked a couple weeks ago.. I’m a big fan of movies in that they tend to take me away from myself for a little while.. Escapism.. got to love it. No surprise that i seem to prefer films that are less than uplifting and have broken characters..
I recommend Love Eternal.. and to a lesser degree OXV : The Manual, and Animals.
Anyone have any hidden gems i can distract myself with?
At the risk of identifying myself to anyone who knows me..
I had a woman come up to me a couple weeks ago and casually,comfortably,awkwardly tell me that she had followed me off a city bus a couple years ago in a snowstorm after exchanging smiles. To clarify, she was beautiful in the way that i like. The whole experience was so wholly unexpected…. that I honestly questioned whether or not i had imagined it
Kind of sobering.. I found it easier to believe that i had suddenly become delusional enough to imagine this.. than it actually happening.
So she asked me if i remembered her… If i […]
I made a mistake, a huge mistake. I met a boy, with beautiful green eyes and a personality that trapped me like a helpless fly in a spiders web. In that web was the only place I wanted to be. Over a couple weeks I got to know him and I fell, fell so hard it was sad. I smiled constantly, because of him, and he made me laugh, the real kind, (not the bubblegum-fairy-princess kind you feed to people around you when your depressed) it was amazing. I felt free of my chains when I was with him.
Mistake… Then I learned I […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I’m not sure how to say this, I’ve never posted on something like this before. But I quit.
I’m turning 18 in almost 2 weeks, but I don’t think I’ll last that long. I’m depressed, I have been for a while, but instead of accepting that and finding a way to cope with it, my dad is ignoring it. I really noticed it after my mom passed away a year and a half ago. Granted, it’s normal to be sadder than usual during that time, I realize this. To try and cheer up, I tried looking back at the time before we learned she had cancer, […]
It all started on March 23, my girlfriend of 3 2/3 months broke up with me. This sent me spiraling into depression, as if to make me hurt she started dating a friend of mine two days later. My friends tried to help me but couldn’t, my mother noticed it and said nothing. A couple weeks later on April 3 my best friends broke up with each other, this sent both of them spiraling into minor depression except the boy, John, saw his ex hanging all over another guy. I confronted her and got screamed at. Accusing me of being a backstabbing a****** she declared […]
For a while now (for as long as I can remember; 2-4 weeks.), I’ve been okay with the fact of dying. Being in the hospital a couple weeks back, I was on blood thinners and I started to bleed. Badly. Like “oh my god, I need a doctor in here!†and they needed to clean my sheets immediately. I bet they always clean sheets immediately, but I’m still saying. And most of the time I felt the liquid drip down onto my chest (my arm was on my chest when it started to bleed), I didn’t moan to my mom to get a nurse. […]
My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks ago, and I feel like crap.
Everyday I see him around, he’s flirting with another girl.  It hurts so much
to know he has already moved on and I still haven’t. I feel like my heart
has been ripped in half. Everyone keeps telling me to move on, that he’s not
worth it. But every piece of advice they give me I start missing him even more.
I stopped eating like I used to. I eat at least one meal a day sometimes I don’t
eat at all. I can’t […]
so when I was 9 I started getting bullied really badly I eventually only had two friends and that was that, all I had on my schedule was crying, being bullied, and crying. then when I was 10 i thought things were getting better but they just4 got worse, my grandma started dying and I loved her dearly. and i missed a few days of school cause i was at the hospital with her. people started to leave me alone a bit and I even started to get more friends. but that didn’t last long. in 5th grade this girl came to my school […]
I have a boyfriend, who happens to be my first love and real relationship.
I’m 14, almost 15. Don’t tell me I’m too young for love or any other crap like that. So anyways..
We’ve been best friends since July 17th 2011. We’ve talked every day since then. All day, that’s all I would do. Is just talk to him. But we’ve been dating since last June.
He understands me, and the things I go through. We’ve always been there for each other, we’ve had our fights but we usually get through it. Â He makes me happy. I’ve been so miserable my whole life until he […]
so my name is courtney im 16. Â i dont really no where to start. i live with my dad and stepmom, yet i always hadnt. Â my mom hade at a youn age she had 4 kids. growing up she was more worried about drigs and partying so i was left there to raise the other children while i was mearly a child. my mother went from man to man, we never stayed abywee long. so i deacided to move in with my dad. lottle did i realize that this would be such a bad choice. when my dad gets mad at me he grrabs me […]
Why??!! Why??!! Why does everybody always say that I’m happy, and I’m funny and laughing and stuff?! Do they really don’t see that HUGE mask I wear most of the time??? It’s just so crazy. Today too, I was at the part-time therapy (monday till friday from 9am till 3pm) and the group and the therapists thought that I was happy and that everything was okay, and so on. And that while they know I wear often a mask and that it goes really bad with me right now. But how hard I tried, they wouldn’t believe me I’m feeling really bad and that all […]
So I have been kinda down lately. I started writing in a journal again to help me with my english project and memories began spilling out. I’m 16 years old, and I have been a cutter since i was 12. It has never been much, nothing too serious, but it scars. I would always get in trouble with my parents, they would yell and scream about everything. Lots of times they would scream at each other and lots of times at me. It was cause I failed my test, or screwed up again or wasn’t good enough or was annoying. I’m never good enough. I’m […]
Hey guys, I think I am going to stopposting things for now.. I will be back. But for now I think I am just going to read other peoples posts and comment on other peoples things and try to help them.
If you enjoy reading my posts then just wait a couple weeks and I will be back!
Disappearing for awhile might be a good idea!
Lots of Love to everyone out there! Best wishes!
I don’t know why i try anymore, honestly. it seems like everything i do actually does nothing in this world. I give my friends everything they ask for and keep my promises, you know, being a good friend, and they make up excuses, “oh, i had to stay home and watch my sister” or “I forgot” a couple weeks later. Dropping classes with me because it makes you too tired to be able to go hunting and leaving me to be with your cousin who buys you stuff. It’s crap because im supposed to be her friend, but she leaves me to be with her […]
Being happy.. Is possible. No matter how far away from ending your life you are. Don’t believe me? Days ago I was in my room.. No one was home.. And it was raining. I sat on my bed, with my brain spinning with ideas of suicide. One came up that I could do.. Painless.. Simple.. Perfect. I got my supplies. As I sat on my bed minutes away from death so many thoughts were running through my head. My sister.. Prom.. College.. Teaching.. Having a wedding.. Children.. Friends.. Graduating.. And growing old. So many things I wanted to achieve before I left this life behind. […]
Hey. I’m 17 and find no happiness in life. I don’t know what else to do so I guess I’m just making a post on here. Uh… I guess it all started when I was a little Kid and my parents got divorced. I don’t know I just always thought of them as the perfect couple. I mean I always had huge suspicions that my mom was cheating on him when I was about six or seven.. turns out she was, but what was I supposed to do? My brother just called me a liar and he got mad whenever I tried talking to him […]
I have a really good life at school, but my home life isn’t so good. Ever since I started high school my mom has set stricter rules. I’m really getting sick of it. A couple weeks ago she got so mad at me for saying “okay” to her when she told me to dust. in fact, she got so pissed off she grabbed my arms, then my neck, and then my head and squeezed as hard as she could. I guess you could say she abuses me verbally with “You’re going to kill me.” and “You are the worst child.” She has never apologized to […]
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