I cant seem to stop cutting i dont want to cut but i just feel like i need it. Its the only thing that calms me down and keeps me from doing something much worse but i dont wanna do it anymore i just dont know how.
Tag:
Cutting
The blood flows from my arms
You cry and tell my that I need to stop
You don’t understand.
This is what keeps me alive.
This proves I’m still human deep down.
This shows me I can still bleed, that I can still feel.
The razor is my best friend now.
He never judges.
He’s there when I need him.
He let’s me take my feelings out.
It’s not healthy it’s what makes you right.
This makes me right.
No matter how sick and twisted it sounds, its what keeps me sane.
If the price to pay is a little blood and […]
I’m cutting right now.
I can’t get myself to stop
Even typing doesn’t stop me, or talking to all of you.
My endocrinologist handed me a four month supply of synthroid. Â It has taken all my strength not to down it.
Somehow I’m still here.
The pills were hidden.
All I want to do is find them.
And take them.
I’ll go crazy until I find them….And then nothing
What i love:
I hate school
I hate that i am failing
I hate myself
I hate that i am ugly
I hate that i am fat
I hate that no one cares
I hate that i am alone
I hate that my mom is here but not
I hate that only now my dad wants me
I hate that i am on meds
I hate that i cant be happy
I hate that i feel excludedÂ
I hate that my family does not try harder to get me
I hate that things will never changeÂ
What i love:
I love cutting
I love the thought of suicide
I feel so screwed up, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve had a cutting problem for years now, I can’t get a hold of it. I recently started dating someone and I still can’t stop. It just upsets him, I get patronized for it. Whenever I’m in a situation where I have no one to talk to and I have overwhelming emotions, it’s always what I turn to. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I feel like a burden talking about my feelings, they must sound so trivial and whiny. If I keep it […]
Why did this have to happen?… the world hates people like me and I dont know how to make people happy now…. my mom is getting re-married my dad wants to kill himself my brother is never home and when he is he never wants to talk to me I even have got to the point I cant go on anymore…… It would be best for everyone too they all hate my soul…..I have been shot.. stabbed..and my own mother said I was just better off dead because the world doesnt need another *****…..why?…..why is thhis going on right now?……. please….help…..me……….
What a way to kick me in the fucking teeth and drag me around from the back of your chariot…
by Infektious
written by Infektious
So…the one person i trusted…i spent almost two years working hard to stop cutting, stop drinking, stop hurting myself for someone I though i could trust…in three words he destroyed everything. I’m back to nothing. i have nothing. i am nothing. But do you know wahts fucked up most of all? I love him. i fucking want him here I want to hug him and never let go and feel the pain go away like it used to when I was home but I can’t cos I can’t even look at him. His name makes me want to bleed out every ounce of blood because […]
Okay so I am making an effort right now to talk. Â My hands are busy on the keyboard but my self control is kind of waning. Â But I thought I would try and talk instead. Â Will someone talk to me? Â I tried calling a friend but that didn’t work.
I walked outside today and realized it was warm enough to not need a jacket. As the sun shone down on me I fought back tears, the change of season would mark the one year anniversary of my downfall. It would remind me of how long it has been and how deep I have gotten myself into this. I never knew it would go on for a year, I thought everything would be fine by now. One year ago if you were to have looked me in the eye and explained how I would starve myself, then force myself to vomit every single day, multiple […]
It was a bread knife.
Long, cold, and serrated.
Just what I needed.
I still remember the first time I pulled that knife across my arm; I had been so, so stupid, doing it where everyone could see. It was so obvious, the four gashes on my forearm. It had been near impossible to hide them. My mom noticed the long sleeved hoodies, but I think she was too afraid to ask. It just escalated from there. I moved from bread knives, to scissors, to my shaving razor, to the box cutter my mom left lying around one day. It’s still tucked away in my box of special things.
I […]
All my life I’ve always put up a front. Its become my defense mechanism. I can’t bare the real me. Everyone knows me as the happy, hyper girl who’s kind to everyone, and always has the right advice for any situation. I don’t know exactly when i started cutting, but it started as a ploy to catch my parents attention; show them how much i was really suffering. I was adopted, my birth mom was a drug addict and she drank and did drugs while pregnant with both me and my sister. My birth dad abused me. I have 2 siblings I’ve never met. My […]
I’ve been suicidal since 6th grade , I’ve been cutting since 6th grade as well , my ”family” does absolutely NOTHING to help me they just make everything worse.. To top it off , they say stupid shit to piss me off such as ”oh she’s gonna’ starve her self now” well maybe I am. Fuck eating.  Fuck everything.. I just cant live my life like this anymore. Today I cut my entire body up.. I’m hoping the next cut I do will kill me. I don’t know what to do , and it seems like no one cares about me.. so why not just leave?
I remember I was the sweetest girl you would ever meet but that all changed when people started bullying me.I got bullied every single day.By everyone and by my family.My mom would always yell at me and my brother would beat me.My other brother would want nothing to do with me.My dad you ask?Lets see he had left me and my mom when I was 5 years old.People would call me fat,ugly,pathetic,Ect.Basiclly all the names in the book.I didnt understand what I did at the time.I would believe everything they said I had so much pressure on me and I still do.That pressure […]
ive been cutting my self – doing drugs for awhile now basically quit them both for about 2 weeks and to be honest ive never felt worse anyways more to the point my grandad recently died i kind of hoped that this would scare me idk to make me relies how much pain i would cause people if i died .. but it dident i have allready tryed to commit sucide twice.i suprised my self at the furinel (ime dislexic that why almost everyting is misspelt ) becouse i cryed a bit the reason this suprised me wos becouse i thought i wos dead on […]
Pain…its not the sharp or intense pain that is experienced when first separating the skin. No, it’s the dull, deep, and gnawing pain after cutting too deep and you’re waiting for the incision to heal. It’s the long week(s) of paranoia and wearing long sleeves in the summer hoping no one will notice or if they do, praying that they don’t call you out. That’s what it has felt like for me this past month…and i am not quite sure what to think about it all….
Ahh… the bitter sweet recognition of failure. Realizing that all you ever were was in reality, nothing at all… Seeing […]
I have no clue what I’m doing or how i found this webpage… I just attempted suicide today and I didn’t even realize it… I’m just gunna vent and rant about my life story now…Keep scrolling if you don’t care…which you probably don’t…
Ok…so I’ve been cutting myself for two years. On December 8th, 2011 I cut myself at school and got caught (I know I’m stupid for doing that but I really had to…) And in 2 hours…I was ripped away from everything I knew and put in a mental institute 2 hours away from where I live. I attempted suicide while I was there. […]
I dont really see another way out. Everythings fucked up in my head- Im constantly paranoid and whether im depressed or not that day, I usually will end up being by thinking and thinking. I dont see how medication will really help, its not going to stop the irrational shit going round in my head, and talking to someone is just going to make me seem crazy to whoever else is listening.
I’ve started cutting again too, I swore I wouldnt do it again, but everythings just getting on top of me, and It’s just carrying me closer to ending it all. I never used […]
Last night my dad went crazy at my mum for no apparent reason.  Its been going on for 15 years and its been haunting me all my life . My dad has anger problems (and also smokes weed) and because of this i am afraid of other people who do to so im afraid to talk to people.  Because of the argument my parents had last night i wanted to run away so my dad could realise that im not happy with the way hes acting but i couldnt run away cause i was too much as a pussey.  Im a very quiet person so […]
Hello Again,
I haven’t been here in a while, or maybe I have. I’m having issues telling how much time has passed. But same as always, I still want to kill myself (no shit sherlock). Something new though is my ability to be incredibly happy one minute and holy shit kill me now the next. Something old is cutting but it’s much worse then when I started last year. I’ve stopped cutting but once again I could not tell you for how long because I apparently can not tell you if it’s been a day or a week that has gone by. I think it’s […]
My name is Taylor. I’m 17 years old. And I’m ready to go…Â Â I’ve been bullied since I was 9. And even before that I always had trouble making friends. I have Asbergers Syndrome, and thus its painfully hard for me to talk to people. I’ve been to about 11 schools. I kept dropping out and going switching schools. I couldn’t handle the bullying. But the thing is, even though the setting changed the story never did. I always got picked on and left out. Id come home crying everyday. In 9th grade the bullying hit a peak. I went to a small private school then, […]