I have a rare genetical disease that’s making me blind. I can hardly see anymore. It’s so difficult to write this post. The disease has also affected my muscles and nervous system. I’m wheelchair bound and I’m getting weaker day by day. I lost my job and my fiancee, she left me. I’m just 33 yrs and I wanted so much from life. But God has left me all alone. The doctor says I won’t ever get better. I’m going to die from either heart failure or breathing failure or failure of the liver/kidney. I don’t want to die in so much suffering. I want […]
The girl was laying in her bed staring up at the ceiling, unblinking, her long hair streaming out around her. Her tears had made large damp marks on her pillow case. The door was closed; the blinds were drawn.
She was waiting for the pills to take effect.
She wondered how long it would be before she started to drift away. She hoped it would be painless and peaceful – just like in the movies. How long had it been already? It felt like forever.
She thought of her family. Of her brothers and sister. Would they miss her after she was gone? They had never exactly been […]
Do you know what I mean?
That feeling when you wake up and the first thing you want to do is go back to the world you were in the whole night. A world where you can be anything, achieve everything. Where nothing is weird and you can be truly happy?
I do.
Since I was fourteen.
If I could make one wish, I would wish I could live inside my dreams.
I have been thinking about suicide a lot… But you know…
I just can’t.
Maybe you expect me to say that I can’t because I don’t want to hurt my family. But that’s not it.
If I die, I can’t dream […]
Somedays I just lay in my bed staring at the walls in silence. I get so busy in letting my thoughts run that an hour will casually slip by, just like that. Sometimes two.
Staring at these white walls.
Not listening to music, not sleeping, not on my laptop, not even moving a twitch. I just let myself breathe in silence.
And I wonder adding up all those hours, adding into days, weeks of endless uselessness of nothing when I go to meet God will he damn me for these days of wasting my “precious” life he gave? The big man will ask me, why […]
I needed help, and no one was there
I needed someone
Once I found her
She died
She was the only person that was there when no one else was
In my health class, we’re doing the “Jason Foundation”. Which is a suicide prevention program our school does for all health classes. We watched a video from it and it showed what these people are going through and it showed a Guy cutting himself. I didn’t want to watch it so I looked at this packet we had to fill out and a Guy said “Why aren’t you
watching? Does your past hurt you, attention whore?”
Honestly, it did hurt watching it. But, that’s complete BS that some Guy, WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH, would give me crap because I have […]
how can i love you,
why do i care,
how was i not aware,
you were going to leave me at my worst,
to turn my life into death,
leave me screaming in despair,
i trusted you to always be here,
through thick and thin,
you put my life in the wrong spin,
when you left i picked up my knife,
i thought i was an ex cutter,
but i guess i was wrong,
i must have been fooled […]
this question seems too obvious I know..but i am just too curious..
i have been thinking “then what”?? for a very very long time. Every ones gonna die, may be today, tomorrow , 10 years later..IDK.. and when you die, would you like an elaborate funeral, and memorial??
I am a Hindu Brahmin and we have an elaborate funeral rite that extends over an year, plus elaborate commemorative services every year hence forth.
you can read about it here, if you are interested:Â http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090820093602AA3uumz
And I wouldn’t care less about whats gonna happens to my “body” once i am gone. I don’t want an “elaborate rite” .. they can […]
It’s been a tough few months for me lately.
Some days i hide it well, others, not so much.
Some days I am sat on my own in my bedroom and I feel so low I have no idea where to go or what to do.
I consider whether my next breath is worth taking dozens of times a day.
Some nights i go to sleep and admit to myself that not waking up; well it wouldn’t be so bad.
Sometimes i will try to talk family or friends but they are always seeming so happy that I don’t want to spoil their day so I […]
It has come to my attention that my disease is never going away. It is incurable. I’ve recently talked to a woman that is now 83, who has been on pills for this since she was 18. I’m 16. Never again can i spend the night, spur of the moment. If i miss too many pills they tell me my body will go into shock. That’s nice. I’m worried about my future, can i even have a child? I’ve researched that it may be complicated, depending. I have a higher chance for getting cancer. I have a chance of going blind. All these nice little […]
Really, what’s so great about this world anyways? All I see are a bunch of people who have too many worries to be bothered with some suicidal girl, and I don’t blame them, I wish I could be one of them but I’m not. I’m just a repulsive, hard to love, self harming, suicidal girl. I’m no one special or anyone that will be truly missed. Can someone come and stab me to death, please? It would be much appreciated.
I do but then again I couldn’t care less. There’s just so much pain behind the fake smile that I put on my face every morning in order to “fit in.” I’m just tired, can someone come and shoot me in the head? I don’t deserve to live anyways, I want to die.
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I haven’t so much as had a sip of alcohol in 16 years, but last night I threw an empty bottle into the parking lot. It was late, like 3:30, and I wanted to be alone. I had just lost something special. Special to me, but something you wouldn’t understand. I left my house and walked down the street, alcohol in my hand. I lived up the street from a church. I didn’t try the door, instead I parked myself in the front lawn. I watched the cars pass by, some paying attention to the red lights and others not giving a damn. I threw […]
I’m gonna hang myself tonight. I have no more hope everything’s just too fucked up and life has no fucking sense. It’s time for me to go.
DON’T YOU DARE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will […]
I think this is the beginning of the end. My 15th birthday was almost a month ago, I wasn’t ever suppose to make it that far. I’m suppose to be dead, I want to be dead. It’s the summer where I live and everyone seems to be having the time of there life, everyone except me. I don’t leave my house, my bed to be more specific. I don’t need to leave the house in order to feel judged, I’m my worse critic. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, I’m nothing that anyone wants. I don’t even like myself, let alone love myself. […]
Imagine this:
You come home from another shit day at school. The bullying, the classes you’re failing, the loneliness. You’re sick of everything. You walk into the lounge room and slump onto your couch. Your little brother sits happily next to you, smiling at the cartoons on the TV. He turns around and asks how your day at school went. You say everything was ‘fine’. Blatant lie. He says that’s good and goes back to watching cartoons. You lean over to his cheek and give him a kiss. He turns to you again and says “What was that for?†You smile and say I love […]