Im 17 years old. 18 on November 22. I just lost my dad on March 22, a little over 4 months ago from liver and kidney disease. I watched him suffer, deteriorate. My hero started needing me for help to do the simplest of tasks.. I had to help him up after the many times he had fallen. But now hes dead. He was in the hospital for a few months before he died so somethimes it doesnt seem like he is gone. But I never wanted to go see him in the hospital. You see his illness made him say some mean things. He […]
Bare with me, I don’t do this kind of thing a lot. Ever, really. I’m 15, female. I started cutting when I was 12. My mom and older brother were fighting all the time, not like arguing either, like throwing chairs at each other. He hit her and made threats. I didn’t feel safe. He pushed me around a little but nothing major. My mom was also mostly living with her abusive boyfriend at the time, staying at his house with his family. I hated that. She left me home with my Bi-Polar drugged out father and younger brother, whom I basically raised. After several […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
I can’t exactly say when it started because I don’t know, my life has just been full of bad events snowballing until I finally released it all.
From a very young age I felt alienated from everyone, I felt that nobody was like me.
It didn’t help that I had a young mother, she had me at 14, Â because I felt that she wasn’t approachable. Also, she was often getting into new relationships which involved a lot of men. I found it very hard ad still find it very hard, to connect with new people so this was an issue for the first 5 years of my […]
How could I be lost, if I’ve got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold, how come its got so cold?
How could I be lost, in remembrance I relive?
And how can I blame you if its me I can’t forgive?
Is there any light? Where is the light?? I keep searching, my eyes might be open, but the light, it seems like its running away, always 1 step ahead of me.
Its within reach, but when I try, it just barely eludes my fingertips.
My soul crys out in anguish and despair.
Like a newborn left in a dumpter yearning for the return of his mother.
The […]
(Moderators beware as this is a rule breaking plauge of destruction. Please dont take it down.)
This is my plan in its final steps in which im going to leave this horrible world. The 25th of august I leave for Britain, the 30th I die.
On the 25th im going to sussex to go to a small suicidal camp to finally end my suffering. They are going to gas me with hydrogen cianide until i pass out and die a non painful death. I have bags, a ticket and a temporary home to stay in before i die.I will  be burnt and given to the people that […]
i see nothing at all, no happines
When i tried to commit suicide i was serious about it. I locked my door turned my music on loud and ignored the knocks. Well i laid down my tools of trade, a bottle of vodka, to hide my shame, a razor at the wrist nothing would be missed. I.. I took a drink then grabbed my razor as i sat over a towel and just cut my thighs to hell i could barely walk after.. I called […]
Well Hi again, many of you may remember me as BrooklynBoxx.. and once again I am asking you for your guys favor. I’m 15, as my of you know. But on January 26, 2013 I met and fell in love with a 21 year old. I know many of you may find this risky, coming from my past. But he was there after every failed suicide attempted. He got me to throw away razors. And talked me out of suicide. On the 15th of July my mom […]
I CAN’T TAKE LIFE ANYMORE, NOT AT ALL. I WANT TO DIE, I WANT TO DIE SO BAD, BECAUSE MY EMOTIONAL TRAUMA IS ALREADY KILLING ME. I FEEL A HOLE INSIDE OF ME, AND I CANT FILL IT. AND IS ALL MY FUCKING BROTHER’S FAULT. I WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN HAVING THESE THOUGHTS IN THE FIRST PLACE, IF HE DIDN’T MAKE ME. ALL OF THE TIMES HE INSULTED ME, HARMED ME, KILLED ME, IS TOO MUCH. HE IS THE REASON EVERYTHING SUCKS IN MY LIFE. MY PARENTS WOULD OF NEVER DIVORCED, I WOULD OF NEVER HAD A BROKEN MIND,  I WOULD BE MUCH MORE HAPPY, KIRIN WOULD STILL […]
I don’t understand why I feel pain like this. It’s completely unbearable. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression. i’ve spent these last two years in therapy and searching everywhere for something to make me feel better. I’ve tried therapy, ten different anti-depression drugs, hypnosis, acupuncture, acupressure.. the list goes on and on. on top that i’m victim to horrible anxiety attacks that can strike at any moment without warning, i usually get about two or three a day. they make me curl up into a ball and wait to die. my family has abandoned me because i cause everyone around me pain […]
I need to know that something in me is still striving for an existence. I need to know that all of me has not given up hope. I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of no emotion, and will soon be so overcome with boilng rage, that I will begin to hurt others. I fear for what is in my mind. I fear for how I will turn out. I tell myself that things will get better because I want so badly to believe it so. I want to believe so badly that things will be okay, and it will all work […]
If you really knew me you would know that I was happy. I was surrounded by happiness and laughter. Now I just want to wither away. Everybody who I was close to drifted apart from me and look at me like I’m psycho. If you really knew me you would know that I’m hurting physically and emotionally, I feel numb. Numb is really an understatement but that’s the only way of describing it. If you really knew me you would check my limbs for cuts periodically, Nobody cares enough to do that though. If you really knew me you would know I’m breaking down and […]
Music Saved My Life (My Story)Â <— video of my story click the link
I’m cursed with horrible anxiety that leaves me speechless when faced with crowds, new people, and almost every situation I find myself in everyday. I have friends but they’re all online and I’ve never met them in person and I don’t plan on it. Anxiety made me like this. To make it short, anxiety will take over your entire life, destroy it until there’s nothing left, and dance on your grave. Be warned.
One of the worst nights I’ve had in some time. I cut for the first time in months. I just can’t take it anymore. It feels like I roam the earth each day as a zombie, and I just don’t feel alive anymore. Fuck it. I just don’t want to do it. I would love to be the owner of a small pistol right now, and after seeing how everything has played out, I find it very unlikely that I will allow myself to live for much longer. I know no one cares, but I needed to talk about this, and I have no friends […]
I don’t know why I feel this way
I don’t know why I do this to myself
I don’t know why I cry so much
I don’t know why I tried to kill myself
I don’t know why I push everyone away
I don’t know why I feel so alone
I don’t know why I am anxious
I don’t know why you hate me
But then again i think i do.
Hello! I’m writing this in order to get some help, and be sure that i’ve made the right decision.
I wrote this to another person on another website:Â <<<Â I feel the same as you do/did “Every day I wake up feeling terrible! I don’t want to die,i just don’t want to live like this.” and i felt it since i was your age 17/18 and then i was dreaming about killing myself but i talked to others and i was to weak to take my own life so i said that i’ll wait, that things will get better, two years have passed and i had a big […]
I’ve had this saved for some time now. Realised from the moment I thought it that one day I would use it. My family, especially my parents, have the right to know why I decided to do the unthinkable. They have no idea I’ve been researching it for months. Devious really. This is a material world and I want out.
To My dear loving family
Forgive him all for what he’s done
A departed soul he has become
His pain and suffering so much so
He had no choice but to go
Young, loving and so very proud
But in the end was beaten by deaths dark […]
Why am I like this?I’m a 14 year old girl, at the end of my freshman year of high school. And all I can think about is killing myself. I don’t understand why I’m like this, am I crazy? It feels like everyone else is just strolling along happily while I’m stuck in a hole deep underground. I’ve felt like this for the past 3 years, I cut myself for a while and I’m trying to stop because I’m sick of being embarrassed of myself but the urges are returning. The feelings of desperation and loneliness take up most of my day. I […]