I know I may not have the perfect ski slope nose…the perfectly proportioned body. My feet are far too big for my body. I lack hips. I have a big nose. I have braces. I have creepishly long fingers. I have no waist line. I’m short. I KNOW THIS. And I just..I know, okay? I don’t need anyone to point out my flaws. I know what they are. I hate when people point them out. I hate when people complain about something that I know is a flaw of mine. It makes me feel embarrassed. I just want to curl up and die because while […]
Insinuation is fun.
Wordpress is annoying.
Anyway…
This is my first “post,” though my story is entirely too convoluted and nebulous to really nail… so i’ll just say this:
I’m an early-middle-aged white male, who has had a profoundly depressing, worthless, lonely and unfulfilling life.
I don’t burn or cut or self-harm (unless cigarettes count), i don’t drink (at all) or do any drugs (haven’t even smoked any cannabis in over a year, now… though i will admit i’ll never truly stop loving it)…
Though i have had a few isolated incidents in the past, where i lost self-control and did self-harm, it has never been anything that persists or establishes […]
I come here tonight to freely express my feelings and thoughts without the fear of being judged and with the hope that someone out there may understand. Okay ….let’s be honest, there’s still a shit load of fear, but I say fuck it.
I’m still having quite a rough time. My depression is weighing heavy in my head. Can barely lift it up. My isolation is at an all time high. The majority of my  “friends” are occupied anyway. I don’t feel like I have any true friends. But I’m sure my isolation had a big part in that. I just have no drive. I’m afraid […]
My first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything lives 5,000 miles away, in a different country. He was a foreign exchange student last year, and I fell in love with him.
Now, he’s gone and it hurts too much. I miss him more than anything. He told me we’d always be together, but I can tell he is changing his feelings. Call me gay, but I cry all the time for him. I feel like my life is so dull, so pointless without him. I never get to talk to him. It’s like he’s dead. All I want is him. I want him back. My […]
I was just thinking.
I came across this site and started reading some of these posts, and realised I’m not the only one who feels alone. ‘Im so scared of doing something stupid.
I’m writing a post on here because this is the only way i can get my thoughts out without the constant judgement. Today my mum woke me up so i could go shopping with her. I got all dressed up, I wanted to feel nice and i did. In the car on the way there i put my headphones in, and just looked at all the cars going past. Wishing i was […]
I still have nothing.
I have everything that I could ever want, but it means absolutely nothing. No matter how good things get, I still feel empty. I don’t think anyone could ever fill me up all the way; I don’t think it’s possible. I still try to fix myself. We bought an expensive ring, put it on my finger, and I was happy for a month. I tell myself that I’m happy over and over and over again, but it doesn’t change a thing. What if I changed everything? I could call off the wedding, start over again, and… and what? I don’t think I’d […]
Hi,
I’ve always known this was the next step. Since I started thinking about it though I’ve been scared. It’s been 7 years since I first thought about talking to someone, but I figured there were more cons than pros with it. I decided not to risk it because I didn’t really know what it was going to be like. My mother would get overly involved and I don’t even want her to be tipped off that I’m going in the first place. I also don’t want to get there and be a crying wreck. I just don’t know what to expect and it makes me […]
I’m feeling so down. All I want to do is laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. I know I have to go to therapy every monday till friday from 9 am till 3 pm, but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING right now. I’m getting more scared and paranoid every day. Getting scared that someone is following me, or wants to steal my bag or purse. That kind of stupid things. I want to evade them, so I stay inside as much as possible. But the only thing I really want besides wanting to die, is just laying in my bed, sleeping, […]
sometimes id love to just bang my head against the kitchen table till i bleed to death.You see im caught between this road of all for killing myself yet slightly afraid.Not Afraid of whatll happen to me but to everyone else.My families is bad but not that bad. Im afraid by living im making my life worse and that by dying ill make there lives worse. I told my mom recently after my admission to the hospital that i felt everyone that theyd be better off if i was dead. But my mom told me how everyone acted when i was away at the hospital […]
Here i sit in class, reviewing for my end of course exams.. and all i can think about is suicide.. Cutting, im thinking about using my scapel for the first time. The sharpness is 0.6mm.. does anyone know how sharp that is .. like if i were just to press it lightly to my skin how deep would it cut me? I know many of you are gonna tell me not to cut, and are probally gonna avoid anwsering the question i dont blame you. But i wanna know ive looked it up on […]
I guess I didn’t notice I loved you until you held my hand. I didn’t know you loved me until my friend told me what you said. But you don’t know me. You know me….but you really don’t. You think I’m perfect because that’s how I display myself. I make sure I smile and laugh. I make sure not to show any emotion I would regret latter. You just think you love me. You don’t, truth me. Once you find out, you’ll change your mind…they all do.
But if you want to know the truth, fine:
Yes, I do have scars I hide.
No, I’m not the girl […]
Im saying goodbye the second week of november on a friday.If you ever read any of my other post you would know i once said something close to the world is bad thats why im leaving it but often times i forget theres one other reason.A secret that i keep that makes me feel like a monster.Everyone would miss me if i was dead im sure but there minds would quickly be changed if they knew my secret.My mom might even spit on my grave. Id rather be gone than to be shunned by society. I have already shunned myself. I dont love me even […]
Im so pissed today.I had a great morning went out for my birthday with my therapist even though they gave me a gift card to buy clothes knowing if they gave me it for anything else i wouldve bought pills and probably taken them.What people dont get is im already going to do that and i can find my own way to get what i need cause im resourceful.But it gets worse
I go on a site to get free stuff and give away stuff and they took the item i was giving away down.Even though people were giving away the same item.Anyway not […]
I’m from California, 20 years old, female, depressed and just need a friend. does anyone want to talk?
Suicide I Can Never Complete
My empty blue eyes can see no way out,
My soul keeps on screaming but no one can hear,
Life is my prison and I can’t break out,
But I try, and try, and try.
The brightest colors no longer exist,
Black and grey is all there’s left now,
You try to reach out,
But I’m too far away now.
Don’t say that I’m smart,
And don’t call me beautiful,
Even if you mean it,
I can’t tell the difference between truth and a lie.
I’ll drown in the tears I can no longer cry,
And I’ll swallow the pills I can never […]
i want to die but i don’t want to commit suicide. i just wish i could close my eyes and it will all be over. i also sometimes imagine what it would be like if i were in an accident, attacked, etc. i’ve never had a long streak of happiness. i’m unhappy, depressed, sad, angry, paranoid, and self loathing all the fucking time. if i ever try to tell someone, i’m told that i’m not really depressed and i’m just stressed and it will pass. i’m told not to pretend that i have a problem. i’m not saying i have a fucking “problem”. i’m saying […]
I think I am totally a worthless being, and I really believe that if I die, this world will even become a slightly better place. pretending to be a normal person is hard and painful for me, I feel like everyday I have to go through is a endless torment till my death, I feel like I’m walking on a mine field, but I don’t wanna get blown up. I’m cynic, impatient, hypocritical and boring, these traits are ingrained in my soul , I won’t be able to get rid of them until I die, because I still need them to survive, to extend my […]
Mostly, I can deal with the day to day bullshit of this world, and for the most part I manage to stay positive, which is almost impossible in this fucked up world we live in. I HATE IT HERE! Believe it or not, one of my major roles in life, is encouraging people…and Im damned good at it. I do what I do because I have a deep love for humanity, I feel your pain, and I HATE IT HERE…so if I must be here, let me do all I can to help and encourage others. It hurts my heart to see good people suffering […]
Have you ever just sat in your bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering what your doing here? Why your so depressed. If theres even a point to being here. Anyone else feel this way?
do I bother trusting this person. I have no trust in anyone anymore, and now someone wants to help me stop cutting.. it’s an ex, who’s cheated on me with my so called best friend. he says he’ll do whatever it takes for me to stop. I’ve no idea what to say to him and if I agree to let him help me. how can he do so? trust is a big issue for me. and should I even trust him to help me after I’ve been treated so badly. Â what’s the point in life if there’s no trustanywhere?