Here i am, 2 and a half months after i fell back into a deep depression. I am young, tired and now ready to pass on to the certain nothingness. I am to talk with the love of my life in a few hours. The very last time I believe I will hear her pulchritudinous voice… I am a young male with OCD, It had lead to a deep depression several years prior. How you may ask, one word, certainty. I am absolutely absessed with certainty, while nothing in life is certain except death. I can only feel comfort when i am certain, my 2 year relationship […]
Tag:
Depression
i’m staring at this blank page waiting to type something but ii have no idea what but i have so much to tell about..so i guess i’ll just start telling.
I’m a girl 15 and last year i tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists,I survived . I have scars on my wrists and thigh,i used to had more but they fade away, I did a lot of self-harm cuz that was the only way i could feel some relief.My mother heard me cry almost every night,she saw my scratches  on my arm but didn’t do anything about it.I’ve tried many times to tell them […]
but I feel fucked up. I’m burnt out, I know it; I should stop. But why? Nothing gets better. Sober, enflamed.. the only difference is I have less control of my motor functions and my brain squeezes out more depression juice.
The juice is always flowing though, illicit drugs or no. I’m grateful for my brain, being so awake with such an open perspective, but it’s alienating. I felt apart from the general public before first doing drugs. The thing about them is that they just make you feel more of how you already feel.. at least for me they do.
My volume simply gets turned up; […]
I hate humans/humanity, society, and this real world, it’s all meaningless. I’m a misanthrope.
by niki
written by niki
It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..
Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…
Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
Guilt is eating me away. Guilt over hurting my family, even when they told me they would rather have me die than to live with me depressed. Guilt over feeling this depression and suicidal thoughts are just because i’m weak. Guilt over hating my life. I’ve only cared about other people since i was little. Even though i give great advice and talk people out of a lot of shit, i cant seem to take my own advice. I’m trying to stop only caring about other peoples feelings to much. But who knew it was so hard to stop guilt from eating you away…
the second I come home from school it’s like my parents hold in and save all their yelling energy to take it out on me right when I get home. they wonder why I’m afraid to come home and I hate being home. they don’t realize what the do to me actually hurts and effects me. they think oh I can handle it I’ll be fine. yeah right. I’ve been dealing with it for so long and I’m sick of it. just shut the fuck up and go on with your lives and stay out of mine. cuz they just keep making it worse and […]
I cant put into words how much i hate living.life really suck.nobody likes me,me friends dont get me and i feel so alone in this world i always wake.and wonder whats the point in life.I ask everyday why do god wake me why must i suffer eberyday.i blame myself for this deep depression if i had just ended my life the first time i wouldnt feel this way.its hard living this life
Every second I’m awake I wish I was asleep, but the cruelest joke this life plays on me is to not let me experience sleep. I fall asleep and immediately wake up 8 hours later (like everyone else). My worst fear is that when sweet sweet death finally comes, it will be exactly like sleep, and I’ll simply wake up seemingly immediately and be forced to be alive once more. I’m 25, and havnt learned a damned thing my entire life. All I did was play sports throughout my life until college where I picked up drinking and smoking weed. My life is horrible. I […]
For as long as I can remember, I always thought that I’d live a shorter life than most people.  I’m not sure why.  But, it’s generally been a thought that has sit with me for many years.  I even had a particular age that would  come to mind.  Well, I’m that age this year.
So, I look at my life now and realize that I have several circumstances that are rather distressing. Â Certainly, many people would say that “life for you is not over” and that I have many options, many good qualities, things will work out, etc. Â True, people would also realize that I have […]
Here is a bit about me. Â I am an adult soul trapped inside a teenage body. Â I have OCD, but few know and nobody cares. Â I have depression, but few know and nobody cares. Â I live a life. Â I hate it.
People say, I have so much to live for. Â What? Â Family – like they care. Â Friends – who? Â I’m going to be a successful person, blah blah blah – who the f*ck cares? Â My dad once asked what would have happened if Albert Einstein wasn’t born. Â The answer was someone else would have come along and done what he did. Â So who cares if I’m […]
I lost the most important person to me. my grandma. i handled most of it well. i stayed strong for my family. i kept everyone postive and focused while she was dying. but upon  her death i got stupid drunk and started asking for ridiculous shit from people close to  me dumping even more budens on them. i did this under the guise of anxiety and with the understandng that i wouldnt remember.  i dont think that the shit ive asked from my friends or family was too bad but, it extended to my coworkers.  now, they all know that im a ridiculous drunk. i […]
Help! I feel trapped in this human body & physical world existence/limitation, is there a way to escape out from it?
by niki
written by niki
I often feel like I can’t relate to this material, physical earthly world anymore, and the majority of people here on this planet earth.
I often feel like there must be something MORE than this limited existence of our human body,
or I’m afraid if it’s all my human’s “creative” wishful-thinking and made-up escapism feeling/story..
does my human brain playing all these tricks on me, or it is really REAL: that there are indeed something much MORE that I can access/connect/tap into?..but I just need to find HOW to do it?..
Tell me please: is there really something MORE that I can do and ‘ascend/transcend’ in […]
How do you cope?
when your…
…friend who you thought was your best friend left you?
…mother decides not to believe in you and wants to disown you?
…brother and sister decides to not stand up for you and stay with your mother instead, even though you truly believe you are right?
…only friends are the good friends, but no close friends?
…love life is in shit-hole?
…university academic is being affected by your drastic (depression) behavior?
…thoughts of suicide is re-surfacing, stronger than ever?
I am sleeping alone now in a hotel. My mother just left me to sleep in our new apartment. My brother […]
Hi my name is Aurora and I’m going to turn 19 soon. Since I was a little girl I’ve suffered from depression. I remember my frist suicide attempt was when I was around the age of 7 to 9. I tried to suffocate myself with my blanky by stuffing it down my throat, it didnt work. I continued on with my life miserable, but unaware that these feelings werent normal. My mother and stepfather abused me most of my life both mentally and physically. When I confronted my mom about the way she use to treat me she tells me to get over it or […]
Hello, I’m a 21 year old male who has been struggling to find a reason to live. I’ve thought about suicide quite a few times but deep down, I know I am not capable of it. Instead, I suffer through deep depression, which is always sparked by the simple question of ‘Why?’ I know this answer is unique to every individual, but I was wondering, as an individual yourself, what is your reason to live?
I know i’m not the only one whose life is messed up but i’ll just get it over with and tell the story…
It started it out when i was in 8th grade, my mom started to cheat on my dad, which i promised her i wouldn’t tell. (bad idea)It got worse, I later found out that my dad had depression not only him but my older sister and then there’s me. My dad got obsessed with my mom until she decided to leave him not only did it made him sad but it made him suicidal. I feared for him mostly because I later found out that […]
I think people often only look at the ‘good’ sides of the money system, but overlooking (or even neglecting) many ‘bad’ sides, in fact perhaps much more than the ‘good/positive’ of the money system! that is IMHO where lies the main problem of all the constant debates & misunderstandings.
The fall of U.S & Europe financial crisis (and soon perhaps the world’s economic collapse, in 2012) have somewhat really proved about this.
People need to seriously look at the Bigger Picture of things, to be very objective, of what Money (system) also caused to humanity.
Out of curiosity, have any of you here ever heard of: […]
That’s how i feel 99 percent of the time. I feel so alone. I hate bein alone. I hate it because I can think. And its bad when I think. Nothing good ever comes out of that, only scars and tears and bad thoughts. I feel like everyone is forgetting me. Why can’t I be normal and loved? Why did God have to put me in this place? I hate living and I wish I was dead. Nothing good ever happens so there is no point to it then. Why hurt when freedom is just on the other side? It doesn’t cost to die. And […]