I was thinking about the other night,  “Why did anything changeâ€, and I realised how it changed, I grew up and went into high school I thought it would be something I would love to be at but, to be honest, I didn’t think it’d be this hard. This hard to get up every morning and knowing something bad will happen, and most of the time I’m right. It sucks having to walk down those crowded hallways realising you’re different from everyone else because of your past, because of what you’ve done to yourself and what people think about you. Most of the things people […]
Tag:
Depression
I always think about the way I will die. when I was younger I would often imagine it would be fast and in my sleep. Now that I’ve grown older I imagine the way the blood will keep coming out on the sides of my hips. It would hurt but that would be the only solution. I would sit there and quietly sob while the last of the color drains from my face. While I die I will remember the boys who hurt me mentally and physically who kept touching when I said enough. I always think I can get better and my friends are […]
Hey everyone, Frodo here (for those wondering, no that isn’t my real name, though it’d be pretty cool if it was). I don’t really know what this site is for, as I found it while searching up how painful it is to overdose (apparently very painful). Â But I decided to register because I thought someone here might be able to help me. I just can’t take any more of my life. I know it sounds insanely selfish, but I just don’t want to live anymore. I feel incredibly weak for having these feelings, as I see people who have much worse lives than me be […]
My name is Jordan and I am 18, I have had really bad depression for sometime now and it has only gotten worse. I cannot be happy or smile about anything now. Games and music are all that seems to take my problems away but the depression gets worse. All I want to do it die and end my horrible life. The main reason I have depression is because whenever something good happens to me it doesn’t last long and it leave me devastated. i can’t get a job or a girlfriend and all I seem to do it piss people off, No one is […]
the line it gets better is  actually true. but its only better for so long before the pain and sorrow starts again. that’s it. that’s  life. a never ending rain. It always gets better, but when it is, it just goes down again. i see no point in living a life will i will never be happy. struggling with this pain everyday is not what i want.  I fear life more than death and that’s not okay. between anxiety attacks, at every second, and my wrist screaming at me.  i’d much rather be gone. no feelings.  no pain.  Noone can tell me that its “gonna […]
Self-diagnosis is stupid, but: I think I have avoidant personality disorder. I have all of the symptoms, which began to develop at age 11 or so…
I am one of the strangest, most pathetic people I know.
Some days are better than other, but it always comes back to the worse ones, no matter what.
I hide from battles with my mom that i don’t want to fight.
But at this point i’m not sure who’s to blame anymore.
I TRY so much, to make everything right. Perfect. I plan and plan, but it leads to nothing.
I’ m useless. I think i do something very good and impressive, then the next day i apparently don’t do anything.
I try to help fix issues we have in the house, then the next i’m just like HER.
I want to be different, not be compared to someone else, but […]
“All my life I’ve tried to put it from me, saying Vladimir, be reasonable, you haven’t yet tried everything.”
by apatico
written by apatico
A little story, maybe a little hope.
Hi. I’m sorry for my English. I’ll try to make myself understandable. The reason that I’ve came back here to write this is that I’m feeling well. And I want to share this here.
Since my youth, since I had 8 or 9 years, I have suicide thoughts. Jumping was always my “favoriteâ€. Like the way it looks, flying for freedom, forever freedom. I’m, obviously, an atheist. Don’t believe in anything that will punish or save me. I’m all by myself, I was born naked and lonely, and I live and always will live naked and lonely, despite of the […]
Birthdays: supposed to be a day whereon good wishes help one to have a better day than usual. I am in trouble this year, today has been awful.
Everyday I wake up, go to the gym then to work, all the while trying to forget how lonely I am and how people do not help me feel less lonely. I get invites to other people’s birthdays and various nonsense, on mine, just like every other day, nothing. People Have no problem telling me what they need from me and criticizing me when I don’t provide it.
I am […]
I’ve stopped caring and so has everyone else. I’m struggling to find a reason to keep living this awful life, it’s not like I’ll go far in life anyways. Everyone dies eventually, why can’t I just make it happen for myself?
The girl was laying in her bed staring up at the ceiling, unblinking, her long hair streaming out around her. Her tears had made large damp marks on her pillow case. The door was closed; the blinds were drawn.
She was waiting for the pills to take effect.
She wondered how long it would be before she started to drift away. She hoped it would be painless and peaceful – just like in the movies. How long had it been already? It felt like forever.
She thought of her family. Of her brothers and sister. Would they miss her after she was gone? They had never exactly been […]
Last year I was ready to end it all. After 12 years of therapy sessions, psychiatric evaluations/diagnosises, treatment centers, failure after failure with cocktails of “crazy meds”–I was exhausted–my life was static. My self-esteem was non existent.
After watching the documentary DMT: The Spirit Molecule on Netflix–a spark of hope emerged. I started researching DMT which lead me to Shamanism, Peru, and eventually to Ayahuasca. I booked a ticket to Iquitos, Peru and ended up in the Amazon jungle where for the first time in over a dozen of years I began to see the world in color. I encourage those who have found […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHqo2FDJSU0I feel like nothing is going anywhere… nothing is getting any better. A year ago I moved to my father’s to finally get away from my mother, sister, and my mother’s boyfriend, because they were pushing me to the edge. They’ve always been “there” for me, at things like competitions for band, and driving me to school events… but that is pretty much where it ends.
My mother loves me, and I hate seeing her upset, but when my sister is around, there is always a pointless fight started by her, and I get to the point of just wanting to jump off the […]
Everyday it seems to be getting worse and worse. I’m coming to the end of this pointless life that I have been attempting to live but it’s all too much. The final goodbye, it just a breath away.
Anyone ever had something terrible done to them? I did. Police, doctors counsellors. Everyone was concerned. I wasn’t. Was I suppose to? I was upset sure, but everyone assumed I was suicidal, depressed, I was crazy, I needed help. Putting words in my mouth. Sure I was depressed I still am and was way before this, and sure I’m suicidal but I’ve been for a long time. This changed nothing. Or I though it didn’t. It was funny the first few months I acted like nothing happened. Everyone was concerned, and I was neutral to the whole thing. It never hit me. But as months […]
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
No matter how hard I try to, I just CAN’T be happy today. I can’t help but be filled with sadness and cry and push everyone away. I feel like such a failure.
But then when I am happy, I feel like ANYTHING is possible, and that I will never be depressed again.
Then I am back to being depressed and I don’t see how I could EVER be happy again.
I don’t know if I’m just moody and depressed or if I’m bipolar, but I hate it. I hate not being able to keep any of my friends. I hate how my mood changes so […]
In my health class, we’re doing the “Jason Foundation”. Which is a suicide prevention program our school does for all health classes. We watched a video from it and it showed what these people are going through and it showed a Guy cutting himself. I didn’t want to watch it so I looked at this packet we had to fill out and a Guy said “Why aren’t you
watching? Does your past hurt you, attention whore?”
Honestly, it did hurt watching it. But, that’s complete BS that some Guy, WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH, would give me crap because I have […]
Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. My best friend committed suicide a few months ago and I’m just dead on the inside. I’m numb to everything and pain doesn’t phase me. My life gets tougher and tougher everyday, even when I think its getting better..its not… I need to do something .instead of just wishing I was gone.
how can i love you,
why do i care,
how was i not aware,
you were going to leave me at my worst,
to turn my life into death,
leave me screaming in despair,
i trusted you to always be here,
through thick and thin,
you put my life in the wrong spin,
when you left i picked up my knife,
i thought i was an ex cutter,
but i guess i was wrong,
i must have been fooled […]