I’ve been clean for so long, I haven’t cut in over a year and it feels good. But the feelings won’t go away, they’ll never go away. At times I feel better, at times I feel so happy, and then it comes crashing down again. Thoughts, thinking, I know it’s a gift for us to be able to think unlike other beings, but I don’t want to be left alone with mine. They take me to dangerous places. Once they start, they never stop. It gets so out of hand, and I have thoughts of cutting again. Only sheer willpower stops me. This desire of […]
Tag:
Desire
humans are selfish to varying degrees ..
self-interest motivates their actions more than often
if people feel like they can relate to you (a reminder they aren’t alone) or think there’s sthg to gain from knowing you
(laughters, ego stroke, money, sex, social exposure etc)
then they’ll bother to know you .. there’s something in for them
if your attitude says: “I really need someone to notice me .. anybody !!!
I’m dying over here and my complaints are pretty much all I have to offer”
the majority won’t care till you’re dead .. very unfortunate but true
create in others the desire/drive to know you
get them to believe this: (s)he doesn’t (really) […]
i read everyone’s posts and i know you think you are in pain or have it bad, but you don’t know what that is compared to me.
i am suffering from a strange kind of insomnia where i never feel tired. i can go days on end without sleep and this has been going on for three months. somehow i don’t have the ability to feel tiredness, so i have no desire to sleep. my brain however has been losing its ability to think or remember anything new. the old stuff is still there, and i look normal, but i can’t think when i need to. […]
I think I could be crazy,
I just might be insane,
I don’t exactly know why,
But now,
Life’s a game.
I make all the rules
But still I never win,
Though I take the heavy losses
With a smile,
With a grin:
I can see the pieces falling,
The deck is shuffled once again,
The other players all are stalling; everyone wants to win.
In boardgames, though,
A winner can only be one;
And that takes away all the smiles,
All the laughs,
All the fun.
Some people fall to cheating,
Or resort to plain dumb luck,
Though no matter what they’re feeding
Their desire to come out […]
Been preoccuppied with sp chat and FBSP rather than the original. My old home. I have endured much in my past i jsut want out. I need a gun. Fast. My moms boyfriend wants to take me to mexico so we could shoot guns and shoot drug dealers cuz i want the army to “shoot people”. I want to off myself is the real reason. I am triggered by special phrases that fuck me over most of the time. Whats going on? almost always triggers the voices especially when im insane from 12-4 am… I started crying right now cuz of the voices coming back […]
The worst place is being stuck somewhere between life and death. Having given up living or making any real effort at life I’m just stuck in this degenerative state. Void of hope or plans or positivity, I’m just here existing, barely. Watching painfully as everyone else around me if moving forward and I just seem to be sinking deeper and deeper daily. A therapist I saw a few times asked me if I was going to kill myself, I told him that I was more scared that I would not be able to than if I would. I don’t have a plan only […]
Hello.
I think I’ll start with introducing myself so that, you know who I am and you won’t have to put it all together in confusion.
My name is James, but I like to be called Jamie. It’s more fitting and all of my friends call me that.
I’m 16 and enduring my Junior year of high school, Â so far the hardest year of my life.
There are many things that make me sad, which seems to be the case for most sincere people on this site, so I’ll just break my rant up into parts according to what’s going on.
My Brain
The thoughts that I have are so unorganized, […]
It’s the loss of control
No, it isn’t giving up your motor functions. You can move, you can talk and you can open and close your eyes; but open eyes see a hostile world that tolerates its own crumbling demise, but not yours, and closed eyes see the slanted razor you most certainly think will take the pain away. Move, if you wish, but wherever your legs carry you, your shame and guilt, your self condemnation will follow at your heels, eating away at your resolve and desire. Speak, my friend. Speak, but only what they want, because anything but is a pretension of higher knowledge […]
i had been living alone for 6 years until i got a dui awhile back, which snapped the thin monetary thread id been hanging by, so i had to move in with my mom..i’m almost 30 and i am very lonely. im very short and not particularly good looking so im unable to attract a mate. and presently relized by being short, ugly, broke and living at home as well as kinda old and less experienced , that its very likely ill never meet anbody and be alone all my life(having a family was a big desire of mine). id been on many dating sites for […]
It’s been said that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I don’t see that as a deterrent, who wants a temporary solution to any problem? Solutions are good, permanent solutions are even better. Anyways, my life sucks. Life doesn’t suck, just mine. And there is no one to blame but me. I don’t care enough about anything. I am unmotivated to make my situation any better. I just don’t care. People sometimes tell me to search for that desire or goal or want to strive for, only I don’t want anything. I don’t even want to die, I just don’t want to live […]
I am a deployed military member on my 3rd combat deployment. Since joining I have never seen any combat. No mortar has ever come close. No IED has ever went off. No shots have been fired at me. I joined to go fight. I wanted to achieve greatness and kill the enemy. I changed jobs this time in order to give myself a better chance of getting in an engagement. This time like every other time I have beem deemed too necessay for staying on the FOB. To make matters worse, my spouse was hit by […]
Why can’t I find a reason to live. Why is life so crappy for me. I just can’t seem to live a normal life. No matter how hard I try I just fail. No matter how hard I work I never seem to get anywhere but in debt not deeper in debt just in the state of debt not getting any traction either way, or so it seems. We live under an economic slavery model called capitalism. My spirit has been under siege for as long as I can remember. The world looks at people like some kind of commodity. I need to die I […]
i’ve had so many troubles throghout my life. loved ones dying, friendship brake ups, cheating, agressions, sexual harsments, lies, broken promises. yeah it may seem like they are little reasons but they sure were powerful enough to weaken me little by little. though i haven’t lost it all. i still have faith, hope, & love. even if i have hate, grudges, and disappointments as well. & even if i want to die, i still have hope to have desire to live. i have my lovely family that truthfully love me, few friends that love me and appriciate me. i have that idea to live for […]
There are times life seems so beyond my ability
to delicately control that I return to the desire to believe I choose
this life with the deseret environment of my bith parents. There is a lesson for me to uniquely learn from these particular hurtles. I have something to say but aI lack the will to voice.
Hi usually I visit here when I am preparing myself to get of this roller coaster joke called life.
I have had a few good rants and read others rants and sad stories.
I have succeeded in alienating my self from all my friends and most of my family . As was planned so I could just slip away.
I have problems with who I am. As I am gay oriented (maybe bi ) male brought up in a gay hateful environment I have grown up to be very homophobic myself. How this relates to me Is I hate myself for being gay. While I […]
I almost cracked in front of my entire family. Or i did crack, partially?! I don’t know.
i started rambling about not having a desire to live, honestly i just said that to shut them up because they were talking about responsibilities of today’s youth and how it was different and much harder when they were young. Fine it was, let them have their past but keep it for yourself because i am not feeble- minded.
I thought i won’t be coming here anymore, but i guess i still have the need. since i can’t talk to anyone, i mean i can’t talk how depressed i […]
my name is not that important but just for making it more human, it may be jeriko.
i constantky since years like with something i call “the dark”.
the dark is that part of me that constantly arise rage, hate and will of suicide … and for what i know he has a plan.
first he made me break with some friends, thne made me deaf to listening suggestions, then he isolated myself from reality.. and i guess that now reached its ultimate target, unlock all “breaks” that keep a normal person from doing stupid things.
i call them stupid but not as disrespect, but […]
Hi. I’m a 19-year-old female college student. I’ve never posted on this site before, but it keeps coming up when I do suicide method research. My desire to kill myself has gotten much worse, very quickly. I don’t know what to do. Please keep reading, if you have time. I need someone, anyone. Help?
I’ve been depressed since I was 13. I grew up with a perpetually angry and violently abusive mother and a cold, neglectful father. They made me believe that I wasn’t good enough to be liked, and that I would never be unless I was perfect. I still can’t shake it- I know […]
I hope that you like it in your little motel
And I hope that the suite sleeps and suits you well
Another year passes and I miss you as much as I ever have. It’s different now than it was, but the scar still remains deep inside. I truly hope that your decision has brought you the peace and freedom that you sought. I still don’t judge you or hold it against you. It’s not my place, nor the place of anyone else, to pass judgement on the validity of your decision to end your own life. It doesn’t mean I support it, but I will never […]
I come from a decent family and did not suffer a tramatic childhood. However it was not perfect. There was poverty. There was social services and cops. There was divorce and suicidal thoughts. What are we here for? To keep working, smile at eachother. If you don’t desire possessions then you don’t desire money. If you don’t care about money then you don’t care about a house,car,family ect. So why try? 40,60,80,100 years on this earth to make and work for what you leave behind? Why wait? I care too much about my family to make them look for my body. I care to much […]