Okay so here’s the thing, those of you who have read my posts before know that I’m against what mankind is making out of our earth and all the new machinery/technology that is being created. I’m a tree huggin-ground loving hippie, if you will. But, the more I’m in the city the more my hatred grows. The more I wish for some miracle to happen where it breaks down and destroys every bridge, building, house, tower anything. I don’t even want to walk outside my door anymore. Fuck I miss the country so bad you have no idea. (Random thing kinda) As I was laying […]
Tag:
destroy
Memories are fresh in my mind as if it was yesterday. Exactly two years ago, we were sitting and folding the clothes into the container, chatting excitedly about the days ahead. We enjoyed going to the supermarket so much and made a list of the things to buy. We prepared a lot of things to start living on our own. Exactly that morning of September 2013, we were speeding under the hot sun, towards the future yet unknown, leaving everything else behind. It was exactly this time of that year that we, young and foolish, abandoned the dank room, the jealous accusations, the fearsome […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Round and round it goes in my head. Can’t kill myself. Can’t do that to my family. I owe them everything, and it would destroy them.
But can’t go on living with this overwhelming sadness. Can’t keep going through the motions. Can’t keep pretending I have a life. Can’t stand this longing anymore. Can’t go on being alone, but can never feel any real connection with anyone. Can’t keep hating myself, but can’t be anything better, no mattter how hard I try. Can’t keep fighting a battle I’m never going to win. Can’t bear to be the one who everyone pities anymore, a worthless loser. Can’t […]
I often times wander online looking up stuff. Recently I have watched the debates that Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens have had with religious leaders about atheism. I have also read scientific studies that say love doesn’t exist. All of this makes me wonder why should we even bother with life at all. If you don’t invent something important or create a cure for something it all seems totally pointless. Are we all living in a twisted bullshit fantasy that never has a happy ending? Poverty, homelessness, and abuse are getting worse world wide and with 9 billion people the world is dangerously […]
I’m an atheist but sometimes I have to wonder, there must be a reason for all this shit I’ve/we’ve been put through, surely the universe and life isn’t all just a chance event and yet that’s what makes most sense, certainly compared to what any religion has to offer.
Conceived in a moment of lust, never asked to be born, don’t ask to be alive now, yet here I am, living and breathing, for what bloody reason. The people in this world create and destroy in equal measure, all the good there is, there seems to be an equal amount of evil to balance it all […]
The shadow of darkness is too much to bear.
This life, this misery, must come to an end.
No more will I suffer this nightmare.
Too much is broken, too much to mend.
The demons torture and destroy me in my head.
Here and now this nightmare ends, it’s time to put these demons to bed.
On this day I will live and die.
On this day I say goodbye.
big man
Whip in hand
Thinks he’s got what it takes
To win
Games of sin
Seems he’s made a mistake
I’m not
A single shot
I’ll make you wish you could stay
Try now
Break me down
You’ll never escape these chains
I will
Shoot to kill
Make sure your eyes are on me
This thrill
Ill make you feel
And then I’ll turn to leave
Get down
On the ground
I want you begging on your knees
Why?
Because all the things I loved
Were lies and clever bait
But I’ll be the one you’re dreaming of
until you finally awake
I’ll kiss you in […]
I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I feel like I drown my sorrows in medial mindless activity just to by because I just can’t bring myself to do anything different. I’m so scared of what would happen if I broke the norm that I am afraid to go against it, just blending in to wherever I happen to be. I constantly destroy every relationship because I’m so overwhelmed in trying to give them everything they want that I eventually push them away. I just feel like I don’t know how to socialize and am constantly depressed whenever I go out just wanting to […]
broken down
all i hear is your voice
no one to care
nobody there
broken down
noise trauma, battered brain
no one to hear, i am rage filled/insane
can’t take anymore
of this cruel ass life
pain, trauma, false guilt, strife
voices viciously attack me day and night
god’s love? surely you jest?
sick ************ putting us to a tormenting test
tired, insane
soon blow out my brain
nice knowing you
glad you could destroy
your own
daughter
I can’t really suicide me because of the consequences it would have on my family, but I think about doing it about twice a day. I am 26, male.
I had a happy and funny life, it was about to get even better. Then I screwed and turned it into a hell, all by my hands. I got plenty of advice and warnings, but I couldn’t stop me from doing a long chain of mistakes and freak out. Now I calmed down but in the last 6 weeks I pushed away a girl I loved, ruined my family’s happiness and made my father get depressed too, […]
The last two month’s have been the worse month’s of my life. I have destroyed my master’s degree, relationship with parents and have no friends around me, all for stupid, pathetic, childish reasons and obsessions. Will my end be suicide ?: I doubt it. However, I will be running away, at least. I was obviously born with a defect. I seldom know what else to say– I have merely destroy my self; another dust in the wind, taken away, thrown into the depths of nothingness.
Goodbye everyone.
I bottled it last time. Something stopped me. I hope I have more courage this time. The thing that stopped me last time is gone now. No more. Destroyed. Just like I destroy everything. I don’t feel now which is a blessing. I really can’t take anymore. If I’m lucky by this time tomorrow I will have found peace. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. All I do is destroy. I’m selfish and difficult and I hurt people. I don’t mean to but my very existence, by being what I am hurts those around me. It’s better that I go. I want to […]
I lie here trying to get myself to understand why I so badly need to destroy my life tonight. I have pondered on every explanation as to why I want to watch my own blood flow like a river around me. I have a loving family that would protect me regardless the reason, a house which provides me with ample physical comfort, and a friend who would never think of judging me. I have so many reasons to live, and so many things to lose. I can tell myself that many times, but I can’t seem to accept it emotionally.
I am drinking a beer. I have dried tears on my distant face. I am reminded of the most severe pain I’ve ever experienced. I have glimpsed into my father’s mind and seen a tiny bit of the damage that relentless emotional damage, drugs and physical pain were causing him: before he decided that he did not want to deal with any of it anymore. “…made me turn to drugs and use the needle and my drug addiction to destroy myself..” “Makes me want to be left alone and not bothered by people.” “My moods are usually controlled by how often I think of my […]
I sink into worlds of fantasy, faraway lands where I don’t even exist. Because in these stories the hero is never afflicted, never has any mental ailment, they just persevere and eventually they get the girl, defeat the villain and live happily ever after. This isn’t one of those stories. I’d never get the girl even if I tried. There is no happily ever after. And I’m the villain of this story. Sure you can fight yourself, you can even destroy yourself, but there is no scenario where I come out on top. No version of this where I win. Ultimately I will keep suffering, […]
I can’t do this by myself anymore……someone please help. Not literally, I know nobody can help, but I want someone or something to exist that can make my problems dissapear. Downward spiral of self destruction, drugs will destroy your soul.
Humanity cannot be happy. The developed countries have higher suicide rates, possibly because humans have not adapted to life in the first world. For example, people chop down trees so they can wipe their asses. Surely, one would think that there would be consequences. First world countries have toilets filled with water, where there are other countries that are dry and impoverished. Many countries are rubbish, and other countries are busy making technologies that help destroy the planet just the same. The best way to be happy is to be an ignoramus, and even then, stupid people often tend to be emotional and violent.
People can be narrowed into three simple categories just by watching the way they act and the things they do.
Category 1. The people who care, even if it’s not genuine concern these people still show some level of empathy for those around them.
Category 2. People who destroy, these people carelessly flit through their lives and the lives of everyone around them heedless of the consequences of their actions.
Category 3. The people who constantly fuck up despite whoever effort they put forth, these people try to be good friends, or try to be careless, but the continually feel like failures, like nothing they […]
I miss you. I try not to think about you because when I do I think about all the fucked up mistakes I made in my depression and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I knew what I was doing and for some reason I did it anyway. I loved you. I loved you so very much and I chased you away. I destroyed our relationship and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I want to reach out to you, to try an apologize, to make amends. I can’t ever bring myself to do this though. If I do I’m just bringing back terrible memories. […]