If you’re in the US, wouldn’t it be crazy if a group of us got together and lived in a place together? Helping each other financially, emotionally, contributing together.. It’s probably crazy.. But for those who have no one, like me, i think its the best thing we could ask for right now.. And im all for it, if anyone else is..
well last nights plan didn’t workout to well waking up in hospital on a drip I need to think of a different method because I don’t think things will get better and iv lost the will to live so I don’t like the idea of crawling though life
My cats….
Let me tell their stories…
Top row:
1. Heidi – she was my grandma’s cat, which made me want to get a cat. She passed away a good long time before any of mine did.
2. Salem – my first baby. 3/1/98-11/5/11. She passed away from FIP.
-skipping ahead for a reason-
5. Gypsy – my 4th baby. 7/25/03-3/3/12. She passed away after eating a cat toy, having surgery to remove it, and then getting a blood infection. She was only […]
I can’t f***ing believe it. The way I planned isn’t gonna work. I know I can’t talk about methods but suffice to say something went wrong that I did not realize could be an issue. Unfortunately I did not realize this until I already started trying. I’ll be fine, just in a small amount of pain for the next few days. I’ve done some pretty embarrassing things in my life but this is really up there, I can’t believe I couldn’t even managed to get this to work properly. I am feeling a strange mix of insane amusement (I was literally cracking up) and a […]
Sometimes I scroll through the project and read all the different titles, but never read any further, nor click on any links. Just now I saw consecutive headings saying ‘Rest in peace my dear friend’, ‘My Daughter’, ‘Should I do it tonight?’ and ‘Clarity’. Its funny how they all make a little timeline, a little story even though none of the posts are related. They all make me wonder just how similar and different all our problems are. I suppose it’s all just scale though, isn’t it? Two things could seem so different, but when compared to something that’s completely ‘out there’ the first two things would seem […]
I think the last time I self harmed was last Saturday or Monday I didn’t use a razor this time i used my knife haven’t used it in months it’s a different feeling then using a razor with the knife I’m calm relaxed hands steady but with a razor I’m nervous and hand Shanks but it’s really weird they both give of different pain and feelings of release what other way can u deal with emotional pain ? But in a way I like it I feel I deserve it
Whatever it is. ….. I can’t …..
I feel like… I’m not depressed enough. Does that make any sense? Like, I’m not suicidal enough to be here. I don’t fit in.
I’m not numb. I feel. I feel a lot. I can’t describe it though. Sad, yes but not that sad. Angry, a little. I guess, well… I feel like a radio stuck between 2 stations. 2 different songs alternating, making no sense and a shit load of static.
The fuck is emotional static?
Lately, been wondering about different lives that could be here, so i want you guys to share why you here…i’ll tell mine too as well.
I wish things could have turned out different. That’s been something I’ve been saying a lot. It’s just that…recently I’ve been pretty emotionally numb. I feel as though I don’t have a heart. Not in a ‘vain teenager hate the whole world’ kinda way, I just can’t seem to empathize the way everyone else seems to. I feel unintentionally cruel. To make matters worse, my nightmares started coming back.
I don’t know if I want to make another attempt yet, or keep waiting.
Often when i’m stressed, like when there are important exams coming up in the near future (or any particularly significant event for that matter), I have a series of thoughts that run through my head. It’s a mantra that half keeps me sane and half makes me insane.
“You could join the army instead. You could commit a crime instead. You could kill yourself instead.”
Each of these prospects require a varied level of commitment, but over time they become less of a threat and more of an ideology.
Although all three of these options keep bouncing around my head, right now i’m contemplating committing a crime. I […]
I’ve posted these songs before on this site under a different name, but I’m going to try to stick to this username, so I thought I’d post them under my real name. Here’s a link to some instrumental/spoken word songs I created and recorded. Nothing special. Just trying to give you all an idea of who I am beyond my depression and all. Also, that’s my real name and face, so use that information kindly, would you? I don’t want the things I say or share to go beyond this site if you don’t mind.
I have had mood swings and periods of depression sine I was 16. I am now 52 and until last year had never really thought about ending my life although I have often wished I just didn’t have to wake up.
I thought being married to my ex was bad but the last 5 years have had at least one piece of crap and trauma every year and although I have picked up the bits every time it has just worn me out.
Strangely it is the small things people do and say not the big things. Last year I decide the option of ending my life was […]
If you are reading this then you know you are guilty of this.
If you are too scared to read this then you are in denial.
If this causes you pain/hurt/makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe just maybe I might be saying something that has value and meaning.
There are way tooooooo many people on here that put themselves down
way toooooo often.
Here’s the facts,
you are depressed,
you’re suicidal,
your life sucks,
you cant get a girlfriend/boyfriend
you fill in the blanks.
You know what SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!
Do you have to label yourself as pathetic or useless or ugly or a waste of space or all the other horrible things you say to yourself […]
Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…
In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.
Reading some people’s posts here sometimes makes me think that I don’t have it that bad, if things are written on paper. At the same time I think thought that I personally am much worse. People here have attractive personalities and can socialize so well, they say creative things and go back and forth with each other so well. In contrast I just feel like a lurker, a package containing all the negatives of the human experience who found the ultimate worse addictions, feeling sorry for himself and reading about people who truly struggle with real problems.
I wish I could communicate better, and I’m not […]
Don’t wanna talk negatively
I’m a mess of conflicting emotions. Maybe everybody is. But it seems like most people manage to maintain a degree of balance.
I want so many different, irreconcilable things. Many of them are flat out logically incoherent (even if I could time travel.) Some are just wildly improbable. And of those that are possible, my preference swings back and forth on an hourly basis. Any steps I take towards one goal will likely be undone the next day in pursuit of another. I don’t just want to have my cake and eat it too. I want the whole frickin’ cake shop, and all possible cakes yet to […]
I’ve been dwelling on different scenarios that could put me in the hospital. I know like between 50-75 people that would probably come see me, but there’s one person whose presence would mean the most to me. I’d want him there to hold my hand, talk to me, stay with me through it all, and if I were dying I’d want him holding me. I’d want him there so I could tell him how much I love him.
I’ve been in love with him for over a year, I honestly thought I’d be over it by now. He kinda knew that I liked him before, I […]
I feel alone, really alone sometimes but it’s mostly my own choices that lead me to being alone. It’s not a painful type of alone it doesn’t torment me I can’t necessarily say its a loneliness. I feel sad about being alone I want someone to love but I think that will probably take awhile. Not sure if anyone keeps up with any of my posts on here or not so guess I’ll touch base on things. I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy I was best friends with for 6 years. I had known him 10 years, he was my first […]