Tried cocaine today new favorite drug hands down.
Tag:
drug
So, I will maybe make a journal to force me stop eating until death.
Next month, I will be completely alone in the flat for 2 months, so it would be easy to let me die. It’s ideal.
I hope I will become very weak, and the death will be sweet.
I tried some times, but there have been things that made me consider that hope in my life was still possible. I was wrong everytime.
I have no money, because unemployed, and the social help stopped, and I won’t ask them another help, I have one month, and I won’t be tempted to buy food, because I have no […]
So I have been clean from self harming and drug use for a whole 2 months, that was until yesterday when I did both. Yesterday was the Last teen therapy group I went to and everyone went to an amusement park together. Now I get attached very easily, so I knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye, so I took 4 pain pills. I had asked the director of the group if Ms. D (someone I got really close to) could take me home like she normally does. She told me no and I got really upset and we started arguing. When […]
So I went to my psychiatrist last Thursday. Got a new script for vyvanse 50mg and a refill on my ativan 1mg 3 times a day. And he doubled my wellbutrin which seems to be working. Idk anyway first time taking a prescribed stimulant and fuck the vyvanse is strong. I couldn’t get it till Friday because of insurance crap needing pre auth. Anyway so I ate breakfast on Thursday skipped lunch and turned in early with no dinner. Finally got the vyvanse and took one at like 2 o’clock cause wanted to see how it was. That kept me up till like 5 am. […]
Provided I can get ********, what happens legally if I survive taking ********. Will I be charged for possession of illegal drug?
I don’t honestly do not know why I am even writing this. Big brother can watch me have my nervous breakdown, I guess. It was not at all in my intentions to be one of those people who threaten their selves with their lives when things get hard. That’s weak, right? Although, I’m struggling to understand that, it makes your mentality to have strenuous strength to cope with the inevitability. Here’s the kicker, I am 16. I haven’t even lived to have the urge to end it, right? Ahhhhhhh, or maybe it could be the raging hormones and the typical teenage babble like, he said […]
I’m new to the site and post only when I feel like shit. I’m Tyler, 16 and desperate for someone to talk to. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been extremely shy and have never been able to make friends. The people I associate with at school try to make me feel included, but I don’t have the fuckin balls to ask them anything. I live in a small town in Michigan and I love it, but I need motivation and support at this stage in my life. I applied to a job and my parents are somewhat supportive but from my point of view, […]
On the 4th of July I relapsed. I’ve been struggling with self-harming for almost 6 years and drugs for almost 3. My mom’s been having problems with her boyfriend of 5 years and has been trying to get him out of our lives since he does drugs and only thinks about himself, so on the 4th that was the first time we’ve seen him in a month? So he was trying to act like everything was ok, but he drank a 6 pack and started acting stupid like always, so we went to go drop him off. They argued the whole way… was feeling really […]
The goods: Sleeping patterns and grogginess in the morning significantly improved even with my Xanax, Restoril and Seroquel taken right before bedtime and those usually leave me feeling pretty sluggish the morning after. Energy levels have improved somewhat, slight restless feeling mirrored with a slight feeling of being content. Less flashbacks and bad memories so far.
The bads: Dry mouth/throat, some hotflashes, some heart palpitations, impotence, content feeling but at the same time not happy and still feel like I have even more motivation to kill myself. I guess it’s like a trade, my body feels energetic and my mind feels a bit clearer but at […]
Born poor
Mom, drug addict
Dad, never knew him
Family support, what is family?
Passed through the system
Flushed down the drain
I never had a chance
Death was the only choice
It was never my fault
My final words…
Why the fuck did you have me, *****?
I live for drugs and guitar, though that’s probably a really bad thing. All my friends always tell me off for my drug use but I don’t care, I love it. I used to live for other people but I somehow stopped caring about them as much as i did.
I am so sick and tired of this life. Everyday is like Groundhog Day. When I wake up i wonder why only to find out that my life Sucks!!! I am soo depressed, anxious, stressed out by the littlest things and my solution to these symptoms is to drink and drug. I know many other coping skills but none work for me. I have attempted suicide many times and cant even get that right. Suicide is on my mind daily and I think i am going to try a more violent method next time. I want to do it June 11th the day before my […]
Well, I just learned a person I loved for a long time has taken their own life. We were together for a few years in the mid 90’s. I found out about the drug use, the selling of drugs, the lies and cheating. I ended the relationship. Today I got an email. Yet another year of arrests for selling drugs, more time in jail. That’s where it ended…..by hanging.
I never stopped loving and caring what happened. But I could not deal with all of it. I had Mom to care for as she was lost to dementia. I had my own body to care for […]
i never want to sleep again whenever i do i wake up and feel like im a pos at least when ive been awake too long and start to feel the effects of sleep deprivation i no longer care that life is a joke seems like my most suicidal moments are in the first 12 or so hours after sleep really wish there was a drug free way to sleep even less than i do now it would be really nice to just not wake up
I have somethings to say before I go.
my life is not a sad story, no big loss(except my drug addict father, no big harm), no love story, no being poor, no child working, no lack of attention, no lack of caring people around me, no lack of friends, etc…
and I don’t exactly know why I’m heading this road since I remember.
I’ve lost my believe in Allah (muslims’ god) and then any form of god by the beginning of highschool, my father left me and my mom a year after, spending his Shit money on the drugs; we were waste of money and […]
As the description says. A friend of mine just did it this monday. And all i can think of is that im jelaus of him. He had the guts to do it. To finally get the eternal rest.
He had been hospitalized for a time now, and he was just on his way out this week. But he came to his senses and did it just before he was to get out. I really hope that i will have the curage to do it soon. If he, that was so sucsessfull in every way (great body, best job, articles writed about him..) could do it, then […]
Maximum effort and No outcome – The answer of why I still continue
by neverland
written by neverland
Have you ever tried putting maximum effort and ended having no outcome at all? Yes I have all the time and in all my life actually.
I tried to fight autism. I tried to fight my feeling of becoming suicidal. It keeps coming back with greater vengence. It is like consuming a drug or perhaps that drug is consuming me instead
I am glad I broke out with my boyfriend whom I was about to marry. At least I saved him from me. Unfortunately, I cannot save the people around me from me.
I tried to study only to find out my […]
I would find it hard for anyone to answer that question with a definitive no. Some thing as small as a good:book, movie, meal, or drug, is enough to make you happy, even if only temporarily. I feel happy when I’m around people who laugh at my jokes, and when I’m able to help those closest to me. I’m also happy when I’m: high, drunk, fucking, and cutting, but that is more a happiness centered on the basest of pleasures. Lastly I would say I’m most happy when jamming on the piano or singing. I realize I have a lot more in my life than […]
Basically.. My birth mother was a fucking drug addict. She did cocaine while being pregnant with me. Therefore I was born with a congenital heart defect called hypo plastic left heart syndrome (basically I was born without the left side of my heart.) I lived with that piece of shit until I was 8 years old. She physically abused me everyday, very harshly. I was never good enough. At 8 years old I moved in with my father. May 1st 2010 I had a heart transplant. On my 12th birthday I was diagnosed with cancer. My father is very verbally abusive. When he found out […]
Theres a great psych doctor on youtube his search name is drofmindmd and he deals with suicidal patients as well as schizophrenic and bi polar. If you need to know anything about a drug or illness thats what you should do. Good luck!