I could be her friend if I really wanted to, but I’d have to wear a costume, and those aren’t very comfortable after a while. You start to sweat and the built up perspiration makes it muggy inside and so it gets hard to breathe; it’s a whole ordeal. I’d get to know her, but she’d never get to know the real me, and I want so badly for someone to see and accept me for who I really am. I could be her friend, but it wouldn’t be real. It’d be real enough for her, sure, but what it would amount to is a […]
Tag:
enough
My father keeps a revolver in his top dresser drawer along with bullets for it. It’s a .357 magnum and I don’t if this is a high enough caliber to kill me if I shoot myself with it. I know sometimes with lower caliber guns they don’t kill you, or they take some time to kill you. I don’t want to fuck it up and end up with brain damage or be paralyzed forever or something like that. So I was wondering if this is a high enough caliber gun to kill me?
I cant take it i had enough i got a gun and tonight i blow my brains out. Everyday is the same shit and i cant take it !!
So good bye to this life and to being invisible !! I will finally be free and just sleep forever…
ha-ha! I’ve got tears in my eyes.
I’ve been laughing perpetually for the last 3-4 months. I can hear this crazed, deranged laughter in my mind whenever I start to think about the fact that I’m still alive. Nothing matters to me, and some deep down part of me finds it hilarious that I have to live without purpose (the same part of me that laughs when old people fall). I could inject some meaning into my life, but that’s the last thing I want. I don’t want anything to do, people to talk to, or anything really. Just silence, that’s all I care for.
I made […]
I’m falling apart.
My life is falling apart.
I have been so hopeful.
I’ve been trying so hard.
But I just keep receiving bad things.
Now I keep thinking bad things.
I just want to die.
I can’t do this anymore.
Life is too overwhelming.
I can’t get ahead.
I can’t catch a break.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t live like this anymore.
I want to die.
I need to.
Bye SP.
Spent the past weeks in hospital after yet another failed attempt at taking my life. I wanna turn my life around. Maybe it ain’t my time to go yet. I’m still going to give life another shot. Got a great job offer. Will start as soon as I leave the hospital.
Suicidal thougts still linger in my head but I made them my ally now. They are pretty managable. I still hope to work to earn enough money for a peaceful exit. But until then, there’s a lot of ass I gotta kick and there’s also a whole lot of ass to admire lol. 🙂 I […]
When I feel as though I’m a burden or am not doing good enough for this world, for those in my life or those I love, I feel worthless. And I spiral down to nothingness. My thoughts and feelings become a relentless battle of why I no longer need to be here in this world.
I feel like I am not good at anything. Or good enough. My boyfriend deserves so much better. I know that if I weren’t here, I’d eventually be forgotten about, no one would have to worry about me anymore, and I wouldn’t negatively affect anyone else’s life anymore.
People like […]
People always say that “happiness is a choice”. Well, guess what? For some people, it isn’t. How do you find happiness in the breaking of a heart, in the sound of your own parents telling you to never see them again? To hear over and over again how you failed, and no matter how hard you try to think of something good, the only thing that comes to mind is that you’ll be dying soon. It’s not like there isn’t any happiness. There is. It’s just not enough to win compared to all the disasters and failures we have to face. Being happy isn’t a […]
I’m back to the knife
not the sharp ones I’m used to
don’t want to cut too deep
but can’t seem to cut deep enough
can’t draw blood
too afraid
too afrad to relapse
needing medical attention
having people worry
seeing the pain in their eyes
but I want to draw blood
not too much
just a little
but I can’t seem to do it
all I make are red marks on my arm
like scratches from a stick
There’s no hope of my finding a place to live. My income isn’t enough for an SRO which is stricter than getting an apartment. Those are shitty jail cell sized rooms you pay as much for as an apartment, to share a bathroom with the building, having to eat all of your meals out as food isn’t allowed, and you can’t have visitors. Even worse is proving income. You can’t prove you have an income at all when everything is done over the internet. I get paid through online payroll services to an online (prepaid) bank account. No paper is exchanged and that’s what they […]
Everything I say is wrong
Which is why I’m here writing this song
Everything I do can never be right
Which is why I find it difficult to see the light
Everything I say leads me to apologise
Which is why I’m sitting here trying to realize
Everything I do will never be enough for you
Which is why I really don’t know what to do
Everything is messed up
Which is why I always say “yup”
Everything is always my fault
Which is why my life has come to a halt
Everything makes me want to end it all
Which is why I curl up into a ball
Everything is me
Which is why I don’t know if I […]
I’m stressed again. I feel so worthless. What am I doing. I should’ve died like 8 years ago, I wish I did. I was young and didn’t try hard enough. Why can’t I end it now.
It’s a bit hard for me to put so much pain into words. But I’ll do the best I can to explain it.
I am not a strong person. I was never a strong person. Â And by many accounts, I have no right to complain about my lot in life. I’ve traveled to many places, never been physically abused, and I’ve had many things provided for me. I have a roof over my head, and a pantry full of food. My own bedroom to hide away and enough toys to drown my boredom. The simple distractions may work for a time but when you stop feeling, nothing […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like a crippling black hole inside of me is sucking the life out of me. I feel so alone, I am so alone. I have two friends at college but they’re busy most of the time with work and class, leaving me in my solitude. I don’t want to go on anymore, I want to relapse on cutting when I’ve been mainly clean for nearly three years, but I don’t want the scars, the repercussions, the consequences. I just need something, an outlet. I’m so lost, so hopeless. I want to curl up and die, disappear, not […]
yall know who she is. My friend seen her in cam and showed me a screenshot, than when I seen her pics they were totally different. When confronted, she said I fell for everything. Shes really 25, don’t have Chrons, lives on her own YADA YADA YADA. Then said oh I want your dick! Than started bs again. SHE IS A PSYCHOPATH WHO IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED. I was right all along. I’m smart. I can see right though fucking people. She also said SP is full of crap and spread lies. Laughing, than talking sexual again. Well lights out. I had enough of […]
Not for me but my friend. He has passed. Taken his own life. I was emailed the news. Horror filled me. I fell to my knees and wept. I was lone and still I buried my face into my hands to hide my sorrow. I felt the pressure build inside my head, my stomach turned. He knew that I loved him. I don’t have to regret him not knowing. I never left him. Never gave up on him. It wasn’t enough. His demons were ruthless and unrelenting.
He was hurt over and over again by the people who should have been his protection. I feel numb, […]
Im sure theres nobody online riht now to read this so you will probably be readingthis when im done. Ive been waiting for years for the right help and it just seems im too hard to help. Im having a good drink and will be walkiing into the path of a lorry wen im numb enough. Dont think there will be too many unhappy faces. Goodluck to the resdt of you. My life was pointledss. Peace out
Am I the only one to contemplate suicide based on philosophical considerations?
written by ThePhilosopher
Compared to some of the stories of unspeakable suffering on this site mine may seem almost frivolous at first glance but I assure you it is not frivolous to me.
I was born with a brain that seems tailor-made for science and philosophy. As a boy of 11 I acquired books about physics, cosmology and philosophy. I can’t say that I understood everything at that age (I am not a genius) but I understood quite a bit, certainly enough to get me hooked for life.
I was especially fascinated by questions about the origin of it all (Why is there anything at all and not nothing?) and […]
She sat alone,
alone and at home,
where her screams were silent,
but her mind was violent.
Her insecurities hid deep inside,
and they indeed eat her alive,
a tear rolled down her face,
as her heart begin to race.
She took her blade and tore her skin,
where her depression lies deep within,
this went on my days, months, years,
and untill she cried her very last tears,
she decided she had enough,
the world around her was much to tough.
She took a gun to her head,
congradalations society,
she is dead.
Things are not good for me. More or less I am nothing more then a dissapointment in everything I do. I am a failure as a boyfriend,father,friend,son,grandson…you name it. I am falling apart in every way imaginable. I hate to look at myself,and no matter what I do I can’t seem to pull out of this. I tried to end it once,but was “saved” by 2 friends….not this time. I have a short period of time before my 2 year suicide clause is up on my life insurance,I have a storage unit large enough to fit my truck in it rented so no one can […]